For the Love of a Daughter
by lippylue
Summary: Phoenix Potter is the daughter of Lily and James. James and Harry were killed, but Phoenix lived. This story starts the summer before first year. Will contain corporal punishment/spanking of children and teenagers.
1. Chapter 1

"Wake up honey" Lily said looking at her peaceful daughter.

"Ugh, Mom go-way" Phoenix slurred out sleepily.

"Come on you don't want to sleep away your 11th birthday do you?'

"As a matter of fact that would be preferable." Phoenix stated as she got out of bed.

She brought herself downstairs and thought about what her mom had in mind for her birthday. She always planned something behind her back; she never had a standard birthday party.

"So I was thinking we could go to Diagon Alley today and then go out to dinner at the 3 Broomsticks since I know you don't like the Leaky Cauldron that much. What do you think?"

"Yeah that sounds great."

"I was also thinking that while we were shopping in Diagon Alley we could buy you an owl."

"Really, I thought you said I didn't need one, I mean I don't really need one, you have one after all." Phoenix exclaimed.

"Yes, well maybe that was because I was waiting until you were 11 to let you have one so it would mean something to you. I was also thinking that we could redo your room because it doesn't really seem to suit such a grown up young lady. I was thinking furniture, bedding, paint, the whole nine yards. Also, there is a room in the house that I would like to move you into, just to give you a bit more privacy, a larger area etcetera; I think you have earned my trust so you won't need to stay directly next door to me. Keep in mind that if you become a wild child in your teen years I can always move you back in." Lily reminded her somewhat mischievous daughter.

"This is gonna be so cool. What is the catch here?"

"No catch, actually the room thing is a Potter family tradition. Technically I don't have to move where you're at, but I thought it would add a couple of perks for you."

"So when do we leave?"

"As soon as you actually eat the breakfast in front of you, nutter, I am not going to have you starve yourself because of your birthday." Lily stated.

"Right" Phoenix said looking down finally realizing that she hadn't touched her food. Her mom warmed the food with a charm and she gave her a look of recognition and gratitude.

Phoenix and her mom were very close, her mom was at work the night Voldemort came to kill them. He killed her brother Harry and her father, but for some reason could not kill her. Phoenix knew there was a lot more to that story than she was being told, but alas that was all the information they had graced her with, not to mention her mom was rather sensitive when it came to the subject.

"We'll have a proper party this weekend, alright?"

"Sure I don't really care about that," and she didn't, a proper party usually consisted of a bunch of adults coming to their house. Not that she didn't enjoy their company, her mother always tried to help her find friends, but it never seemed to work out. People didn't really understand her in general, not that she was particularly peculiar, she was a very caring person and more times than she could count she had been taken advantage of by people who she thought were her friends.

After she ate she went to get ready, looking at her clothing it reminded her of how different she was. She didn't just throw on a t-shirt and jeans on any given morning. She wore a skirt almost every day, knee high socks were one of her must have accessories.

She put on her plaid skirt and her perfectly pressed blouse, pulled on her socks and slipped on her favorite black flats with bows on them. She put her hair up in a perfect pony tail without an elastic band. Some would say that she was dressing up because it was her birthday, but in reality this was her daily routine. She decided to go down stairs; she wanted to get to Diagon Alley as soon as possible.

When she came down stairs she saw Severus who looked at her and said, "You look pretty." "Thanks, but it is pretty much an average day for me as far as dress and appearance are concerned" she stated matter of factly. "Well I know that, but it doesn't make you any less pretty. Besides the green in your shirt brings out the beauty in those eyes," She blushed immensely at the compliment.

Severus looked at her checks and smirked, "So I was wondering if I could accompany you and your mother to Diagon Alley?"  
"I guess if you must, you do every year anyway, so I might as well oblige you in your pathetic request for a social life." "Oh, is that what you think, that I don't have a social life?" "Why else would you wish to come with an 11 year old and her mother?" "I guess I will have to agree with you until I come up with a better retort?" He smiled at her. Phoenix only rolled her eyes and went to find her mother.

"Mum we need to go, Sev is already here and you're still messing around doing your hair." Phoenix was getting to be impatient, not that she didn't understand why her mother was taking so long, she always took this long, but it was her birthday for Merlin's sake and she wanted to go.

"Okay I'm coming Ms. Impatient, I'll be down in two minutes you can talk to Sev until then." Lily yelled down the hallway.

"So you're going to be my teacher this year?" She said awkwardly.

"Yes, and if you think you are getting off easy just because I know your mother incredibly well you will find your life to include the exact opposite".

"Great, I am looking forward to your show of favoritism". She said, "So how is it that we can't have a proper conversation without speaking as if we are a member of the Wizengamot?"

"This is yet to be known by those who have looked into the relationships of young ladies who have befriended their mother's best friend." The edge of Sev's lips started to turn upward as he finished. His attempt to keep a straight face was failing spectacularly.

"I wouldn't exactly consider you a friend, more of a well-respected authoritative figure whom I happen to put up with based on his relationship with my mother ,who just so happens to have the right to make my life miserable as my legal guardian."

"So how the two of you come to some conclusion or should I allow you to sarcastically comment about one another's relationship status for the rest of the morning" Lily mused.

"No we can go, I don't know how much more of him I have the mental capacity for." Her daughter answered with a smile as she skipped towards her mother.

"We wouldn't want your brain to melt now would we Miss Potter, the rest of the year is still ahead of us." Severus commented with a smirk.

They flood to Diagon Alley and the first thing Phoenix said was, "Can we go and look at owls now?"

"Honey I think it would be better if we did that last since we need to find bedding and paint and furniture."

"But mom what if there is an owl that I really like that isn't their later; it could completely ruin my birthday."

"My my, you are a bit over zealous about this, maybe you're not ready for the responsibility after all." Her mother said knowing it would stop the argument.

"No, I am ready we'll go later" Phoenix back pedaled.

"That's what I thought" Lily commented with a smirk, "Don't worry Love. I am sure there will be the perfect owl there for you later."

They started with furniture, she found a beautiful captain's bed, she found lace curtains and a comforter. She picked a dark walnut for the wood and a damask comforter.

It was perfect, a little preppy, sophisticated, everything she needed. Her mom bought her a matching book case, desk, and vanity. It was perfect, everything she could dream her room would be, and it now was perfectly Phoenix Potter.

"So, can we go look at owls now?" Phoenix nearly shrieked.

"I am wasted, how about you go, and it is right over there, I trust you, and here is some money." Lily knew it was time for her daughter to start to take care of herself, or at least buy an owl by herself.

Phoenix looked at the galleons for a moment, then ran off to the owl shop. Severus sat down next to Lily with the bags he had been carrying. "Man Sev this is becoming harder and harder to do every year." "Lily you don't redecorate her room every year." "No, but the whole birthday scene is getting rather difficult. Every year I try to make it special because she doesn't have any friends who will help her have a good time. I feel so bad that I have created a child with no friends. I only hope that she can make some friends at Hogwarts, she worries me you know, she has spent her whole life around adults and it has made her quite mature, but I feel bad when she doesn't get along with the other children her age."

"Lils, you can't make her life any different, she loves it. She still has fun; you can't blame yourself for the fact that she is different than her peers. And quite frankly I am happy that she isn't like most of the dunderheads I deal with. She is loving, compassionate, loyal, and courageous. Lils, she is just like you, she is an amazing witch, but she is also an amazing person. She doesn't need to be like everyone else to be special and amazing."

"Thanks Sev, you always know the right thing to say in situations like this"

"Lils you're my best friend and I love that little girl of yours, but I hate to see you beat yourself up about the fact that the two of you are absolutely brilliant."

All of the sudden Phoenix ran over, "Mum, Mum, so there are these two owls that are tiny, I am talking like 6 inches tall tiny and they have to go together, but they cost as much as a regular owl and they are super smart. The shop keeper is even willing to give them to me for one galleon and 2 sickles with a cage because nobody has wanted them even though they are entirely wicked. I know you said one owl, but these two wouldn't eat any more than one. Their perfect mom they are identical, pretty, smart, just like I imagined my owl would be only their like 1/5th of the size. So what do you think?"

"Okay Phoenix but remember you have to take care of both of them, that is a big commitment…"

Before she could say anymore Phoenix ran back towards the shop, this left Lily smiling. "I hope these owls are good for her. I figured it would give her something that cares about her even when I am not there while she is at school."

"Plus, I'll be there if she has any problems and so will Sirius although he will probably just teach her how to properly prank people. You can always meet her down in my quarters if she is having a rough time of it."

"Thanks, guess my over protective mother syndrome is showing." "Don't worry, every parent freaks out before their kids go to Hogwarts, its normal. She knows every single professor, she considers them her Aunts and Uncles, they might be harder on her, but they will make sure she is doing okay."

"Your right, your always right, what was I thinking Severus?"

"First of all, it is Sev to you little missy. Second, you were thinking that you love your daughter and want the best for her. Third, you didn't want your daughter to have any more hurt in her life time after what happened to her father and brother and how upset she was for the months after the tragic event. You still feel guilt about it even though you don't admit it. So basically, you're upset that you might not be able to see a daughter you put every spare second of your life into protecting every day and that is okay. You were thinking, a lot, it was all just about one little girl who your entire heart is devoted to."

"Sev, I think it is time you go home," Lily stated, her face full of disappointment.

"Lils I didn't mean it, I really didn't. I shouldn't have brought it up, Merlin I am such an idiot. Please Lily, I want to apologize, please, I shouldn't have said…"

"Just go Sev, we'll talk later."

Severus nodded and got up whispering one more apology, but aparated almost immediately thereafter.

"Hi Love, well they are quite beautiful aren't they" said Lily admiring her child's new pets as she brought them back.

"Thanks, I think I'll name them Flora and Fauna, that way their names go together, you know." Phoenix stated.

"Mum are you alright did you hear what I said?" she said worriedly.

"What, oh yeah"

"Then what do I want to name them?"

"Oh I don't know. You can name them whatever you want."

"Seriously Mum what is up? Something is off. Speaking of which where is Sev?" she paused for a moment and came to the conclusion that something had happened between the two of them.

"You got in some kind of argument didn't you?"

"Scout it's none of your business, but yes I might have gotten in a bit of a disagreement with Severus."

"So basically what your saying is you got in a big fight with him and told him to leave even after he apologized 10 different times?"

"Something like that, how did you guess?"

"Your overdue Mum, you know your once yearly argument should have happened three and a half weeks ago, but who is counting."

"So Miss Inquisitive you ready to take your owls home."

"Sure we can take Flora and Fauna home"

"Oh so that is what you are going to name them?"

"Yep"

"Alright grab my arm"

"Yes ma'am"

Whoosh and they were back home.

"Go put Flora and Fauna in your room and then we can have some desert."

She went up to her room and let them out to explore and came down and saw her mom. They usually didn't eat sweets in fact they didn't eat meat in order to stay healthier.

As they were eating their "cake" which was really fruit and custard, but Phoenix's favorite all the same.

"I don't like it when you fight."

"Scout don't worry about it, and were not fighting FYI. I am simply reminding Severus that he needs to watch what he says and how he says it."

"Yeah, reminding him by asking him to leave after he said something disagreeable. Last I checked the definition of an argument is a discussion of different opinions particularly where there is contention. You had a discussion, he said something disagreeable and there was contention, so why wasn't it an argument?"

"You really are pushing it today with the cheek."

"It's my birthday; I am allowed to be a little naughty if I want to be."

"I don't think there is any excuse for naughtiness."

"So are you going to admit it was an argument or not?"

"I guess it was a small argument, but you know Sev he will apologize and I'll forgive him."

"Didn't he already apologize?"

"As a matter of fact he did Scout, multiple times really, I was just too frustrated to forgive him. So I let him go home with a bit of guilt. He will come by later and beg for forgiveness and I will oblige him. He just needs to gain a little bit more humility. You know how his arrogance gets out of check and then he says whatever he feels like. I am just fixing the problem, quiet yet completely satisfactory."

"You are weird Mum."

Sure enough an hour later they heard the flew go off and who came out, none other than Severus Snape.

"Hey Sev long time no see."

"Miss Cheeky what can I do for you?" He said with a smirk.

"First, you can apologize to my mother and say how your arrogance was getting the best of you because that is what she believes the problem is. Second, you could give me my new comforter which you left in your pocket after my mother requested you take leave."

"Your wish is my command Miss Potter."

She picked her new book back up and went on reading as if he wasn't there at all.

"Lily" "Lily" He bellowed.

"I am in the upstairs living room Severus." She yelled back.

He hurried upstairs as fast as he could and looked at his beautiful Flower sitting on the window seat with a scrap book of what used to be her family such a long time ago. Crying was the other thing he noticed it was obvious on her face.

"I hate this; every time we celebrate her birthday all I can think of is how I don't have a son to celebrate a birthday for, nor a husband to help me with my children. I am such a failure at this. I make her birthdays miserable because I am miserable."

All of the sudden Severus had a weird urge to pull her into a big hug, so he did. He sat down with his best friend on his lap and hugged her; he rubbed her back and gently caressed her hair whispering soft and kind reassurances to her all the while. She finally calmed down after crying out every tear she had in her body and then some. "You didn't have to do that you know."

"Yes I did my beautiful flower because I caused it. It was my fault sometimes my "arrogance" gets in the way of the way I think and speak to those I love. Lily there is no one on this earth that I care for more than you and I hurt you. No, it was not my intention, but I didn't think about how those words could affect you and for that I am sorry. We lecture Phoenix about thinking before she acts, yet I believe I am the one who needs some lecturing in that department. They were not hurtful words in and of themselves, but I didn't think them through and they hurt you, my best friend, Lils could you ever forgive me?"

"If I must, thank you Sev, I might not be willing to admit it, but I needed that crying session and I always feel comfortable around you."

"Thanks Lily I appreciate it."

"I try to hide how upset I am from Phoenix you know, but sometimes I just need to have a break down. I am glad I broke down on you though."

"Any time my beautiful flower. You look tired you should go to bed."

"No I don't want Phoenix to know."

"I'll tell her you fell asleep while reading your book and I woke you to apologize, but that you were tired and are going to bed, that way she doesn't see your tear lines."

"Okay Sev, I guess I'll go." She got up off of her best friends lap and kissed him on the top of his head and went to go to bed.

"Hey, your mom was asleep when I went up there so I woke her to apologize, but she just went to go and get ready for bed."

"You mean she broke down and cried in your lap and she doesn't want me to know."

"Pretty much, how did you figure that out?"

"It is pretty much the standard argument cycle for the two of you. Anyway I am going to go tell her goodnight."

"Okay, but remember you bought my story."

"Yeah, yeah" she commented as she walked up the stairs.

She walked up stairs and laid on her mum's bed awaiting her return from the loo.

"What are you doing?" Lily said, her face blushing as she realized that her daughter could see her tear stained face.

"I came to wish you goodnight, I wasn't aware that it was a crime."

"No it isn't, come here birthday girl." She gave her preteen the biggest hug she could muster.

"Mum have you been crying?" Trying to make the questions as believable as possible considering she already knew she had been crying a lot, all over Sev.

"Maybe a bit."

"A bit, it looks like you created Lily Falls right out of your eyes."

"Okay I had a bit of a break down if you must know."

"All of the sudden Phoenix just wrapped her arms around her mother and buried her head on her chest.

"Oh Scout, shh, it's alright." She sat down on the bed with her child on her lap and let her just hold onto her for a while.

She rubbed her back and played with her long black hair. Eventually they both laid down next to each other Phoenix in a pair of sweat pants and a matching shirt her mother in her PJ's, they fell asleep just like that.

Lily was the first to awake in the morning looking at the child in her arms she decided to hold onto her a moment longer. She loved her daughter and wished she never had to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

"So Scout what do you say we go to Diagon Alley tomorrow to get your stuff for school" said Lily to her daughter as they ate dinner.

"Tomorrow, sounds fun, maybe we could invite Sev, Siri, and Remus to come and have lunch with us."

"I will floo them, how does that sound?"

"Sounds great I didn't think you were ever going to let them in the same proximity after they started the food fight at my birthday party."

"Well, I forgive easily. Not to mention you want to see them before you go to school. I just don't want you getting any ideas about pranks."

"Mum I am a model citizen, I would never do something so obviously barbaric, you know that. Besides Aunt Nerva looked like she was going to blow her top. Maybe I should give a food fight a try, that way if she tries to punish me for it I can say that Sirius told me to do it." The stern look from her mother had her back pedaling in an instant. "This is all just figurative you know, a joke."

"MMhhhm, I am sure it is."

She looked excited though, the fact that she was going to get a wand tomorrow made her realize how close Hogwarts was, but also how lonely her mother was going to be without her. Granted she would probably be one of those parents who showed up all the time just to embarrass her, but that was okay with Phoenix, at least for now.

Little did she know what Sev and Phoenix had talked about a few days prior.

"Hey Phoenix can we talk for a minute?" Sev questioned.

"We are already talking, but go ahead and shoot Sev."

"I wanted to know your opinion about something, something really important to me." He could tell she was trying to digest his request, a nod was all he got in recognition of his words. "Let's cut to the chase. I have known your mother for a very long time and I care about her and you. I have always been involved in both of your lives, but I would like to take the next step it has been quite a long time since your father and brother were killed and I think 10 years is sufficient enough for me to ask the question."

"The question, which one?"

"I want to ask your mother to marry me which is why I came to talk to you. Usually when a man wants to marry a woman he is to go to her father and first ask of his permission or blessing, however your mother's father is no longer alive. There is no person who cares more about Lily than you in this world, so I wanted to ask you to make this decision. Phoenix Potter will you grant me your blessing for the betrothal of your mother and I?"

She just looked at him with almost a blank face but then began speaking calmly, "How will this change our lives, I mean will it change anything in our lives?"

"Well I will be around you and her more, that is for certain. I will also be more of a fatherly figure in your life."

She cut him off and stated, "You already are my fatherly figure."

"Well I don't just wish to be a figure but for you to consider me your father."

"I think it would suit us well to have a man in our lives, but I am not entirely sure that we need one."

"You can think about it for a while Scout if you want and we can continue to discuss it for awhile."

"What would change between me and you? I mean I know you can take care of my mom, you love her so much every year you say something stupid you come by and let her cry about it all over you without ever making a comment."

"Well I would probably be a bit more involved in your daily life especially as far as parenting is concerned. I mean I am rather lenient about your cheek with me because I am not technically your father, but if your mother chooses to marry me I will probably call you on it. I will also be more affectionate towards you as I will know you even better than I do now, plus I will be under your mother's command so I can even oversee your misbehavior at school as well, isn't that great? But there are some definite plusses, I will be able to cuddle with you whenever I want, we can brew potions together, I can help you with homework, make sure you ace tests. I have some ins with the professors you know." He said with a light smile.

"Cuddle, really, you don't seem like much of a cuddler."

"What do you call the hug fest I do with your mother is?"

"I don't know, I just don't think you know how to cuddle very well."

"Well I guess I'll have to prove you wrong." He comes over and grabs her and puts her on his lap. She went stiff when he picked her up but as she settled she looked at him and found just how much warmth she felt sitting against his chest. Suddenly she relaxed and set her face right into his neck. At this moment he realize how much the girl missed, granted her mom cuddled with her, but she didn't really have a stable strong male figure in her life. Someone who was willing to call her on things when she was wrong but be a complete overstuffed teddy bear when needed. It scared him, he did not know if he could be everything she needed or wanted but he would try his best, he just had to.

"So what is the verdict, how are my cuddling skills."

"Your great" she said, still holding on to him all the while.

"So, since I passed the cuddle test can I have your mother to hug and to hold through richer and poorer, in sickness and in health…"

"You can stop I get the point, but the answer is yes. However you have to promise me something."

"Anything rational."

"My mom loves the moon, particularly when it is a perfect crescent when the moon is waning. She told me her dream proposal was in the woods with the moon in a perfect cresent with a lite drizzling rain fall, when the moon was out, but it wasn't quite dark out. She wants a ring with an emerald on it, not a diamond there to simple, not to mention every one thinks a diamond is necessary, but she loves emerald green. You will be dressed in a sport jacket with a green tie and give her the ring, standing not on one knee like a corny movie."

"You really have this planned out don't you?"

"Maybe just a bit, so Sev are you gonna promise or not?"

"Not only will your wish be my command, but I will let you come shopping with me so we can pick out the perfect ring and jacket."

"Don't forget the tie."

"I have the tie."

"Really? Are you sure it is befitting of such an occasion?"

"Yes Scout, in fact your mother gave it to me right before I went to my interview to get into potion mastery school, it is emerald green and black, most of all your mother loves it, and quite frankly so do I."

"Perfect, you realize we only have a few days before the moon is in perfect alignment again, not sure if it will drizzle, but we will have to work with what we got.

Minutes later they went off to shop at Diagon Alley.

Pheonix oddly remembered the day her and Sev had planned out the perfect wedding proposal, with less than half a week left before the execution of the perfectly timed and planned event they were headed to Diagon Alley to buy her wand and school things.

"We will head to Olivander's last, so don't get too excited just yet." Lily said.

"Hey mom can we go by Eyelops Owl Emorium I realize I already have two owls, but I would like to tell the shopkeeper how wonderfully we get along. She was so worried about them and they were the perfect match for me."

"Yes, but only after we have gotten books and robes."

With that said, off they headed to get robes, this was relatively easy, but always frustrating for Phoenix. She was super small even for 11 and hardly ever grew, so every time she went she would make an attempt to look taller than she was, but she hadn't gotten significantly taller in years. This trip would be no different.

So after they got everything she would need through at least Christmas break they went to get books which Phoenix loved. Her mom let her get a couple of books to read over the next week or so and the train ride to school. The only thing Lily was worried about is that her child was so smart and so talented that one of these days that much knowledge was going to come back and bite her in the butt.

They went to go and get potions stuff which was super easy because they already had everything set out for Hogwarts students. Her mom made sure she had the best of the best in every aspect from clothes, to books, to potions kits. After all, she worked as an auror and was paid pretty well to do so, not to mention the Potter fortune that was just sitting in a vault collecting interest.

"Hey Scout why don't you go talk to the shop keeper next door."

"Thanks, I'll be right back."

Most wouldn't thank their parents in a situation like this, but Phoenix always thanked her mother for using the moniker out in public. She didn't like people realizing it was her, in fact she liked it when people didn't call her by name, it was better that way.

Next door, "I just wanted to say how well my owls are settling in, and to thank you for showing them to me, their perfect." The shopkeeper smiled at the compliment. "Well dear they just needed someone who was smart enough to keep up with them."

"Yeah, my mom wasn't initially fond of the idea of me having two owls, but now that she has adjusted she really enjoys them besides they can carry loads when their together. This is going to sound really immature, but their kind of my best friends."

"Animals can be your friend when no one else is willing to put up with you."

"Well I better go my mom was just paying for some stuff for school. Thanks again."

The shop keeper looked perplexed, the child talked as if she were 30 and was small enough to be a large 6 year old, but somehow she was going to school.

As soon as she walked outside she ran into a blonde haired boy who looked about her age. She ran smack dab into him right outside the door. "Ugh no common decency in people anymore." The overly groomed boy snarled.

"Sorry about that, I didn't see you. More like I wasn't looking for a person there, I take full responsibility for that."

"Well at least you have the manners enough to apologize."

"Excuse me, I don't know who you are but usually someone apologizes and the other forgives them."

"For a moment there I thought you had class. My name is Draco Malfoy. We could be friends if you like, I appreciate your attitude."

"I think I'll pass."

"Why you're not one of those sappy muggle loving types are you? I mean honestly, why wouldn't you want you to be friends with me?"

"Because you're a cocky git who doesn't deserve friends, let alone my friendship."

"You call me cocky, you filthy little mudblood!"

"How dare you, the only thing that makes your blood dirty is the acts that your father committed years ago and got off for just because of his last name."

"You seem to have more spunk then necessary Miss Potter."

"And you must be Mr. Malfoy what a," she pauses searching for a word, "pleasure it is to make the acquaintance."

"Where are your parents, I mean parent?"

All of the sudden Lily walked out of the shop and saw the altercation.

"Phoenix, just what do you think you are doing."

"Meeting the Malfoys mother." She replied ever so sweetly.

"Remember, we have lunch plans, so come along child."

Phoenix walked towards her looking back and saying, "Its been a pleasure meeting you Mr. Malfoy, Draco."

She walked over towards her mother and they made their way around the corner towards Olivander's, after she was out of eyeshot of the Malfoys she leans over and grabs Pheonix's ear and gives it a hard twist. "Owwwwww" she squealed.

"No more confrontations with anyone like that are we clear? I saw that little disagreement young lady and I am not happy with it."

"Yes, I mean no, I mean… I don't know but no confrontation. Will you let go of my ear!" Pheonix yelped out.

Lily slowly let go and simply said, "Your forgiven Scout, just no more arguing, even if they are greasy gits." By the end of her statement she was smiling because she could tell her daughter was about to dispute the punishment based on the Malfoy's attitude.

"Why do you always do that? I was really looking forward to griping at you."

"That's the joy of being a parent young lady, I am completely allowed to steal your thunder."

"Yeah whatever."

"Hey Phoenix that's enough pouting, it isn't the end of the world."

"I guess, but you don't even know the whole story." She said dejectedly.

"I see Sirius going into the Leaky Cauldron so we can talk over lunch, yeah?"

"No, I'd rather not."

"You know if you're going to continue pouting, you can just go home?"

Pheonix said nothing, but continued walking towards the Leaky Cauldron. Her mother almost said something, but decided against it, she figured after talking to Sirius, Remus, and Severus things would calm down.

"Well, well, if it isn't Phoenix Potter?"

"Hey Remus, how are you doing?"

"Fantastic, I heard that you came to get your wand today."

"I haven't gotten it yet. I had a bit of an incident outside Eyelop's so I haven't had a chance to get their yet."

"Oh, an incident, huh."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"That bad huh, and your ear is a little red." He stated calmly.

Now her face matched her ear.

"Moony quit being such a dead pan, she got a bit cheeky and her mum got tired of it. Who cares we did way worse, hell I did way worse in the womb."

Lily had to interject at this point, "My child is never cheeky, at least not to me. And the particular incident you have mentioned had nothing to do with her respect for me and everything to do with her problem controlling her attitude around others."

"Mum, you are not suppose mention things like that, it is embarrassing."

Sirius jumped back in, "So what exactly did you do?"

"Well, I might have created a bit of a disagreement with Malfoy, but you know it was nothing."

"Already calling him by his last name, good call kiddo." Sirius was always the one to support breaking rules.

"I would suggest you cease as far as your supporting her attitude and respect towards others." Lily giving Sirius a stern look.

"Yes, you know you shouldn't ahh break the rules, I was a model citizen as was your father."

"Whatever Sirius, we will go with proper model citizen for now."

Remus kept looking at her questioningly, and she simply commented with a "What is your problem?"

"Pheonix!" Her mother nearly shrieked out, "You need to drop your attitude and do it now."

She didn't say anything but looked at her food for a while. A moment later Severus walked in to the restaurant and sat down.

"Well if it isn't my favorite people in the world." Severus said silkily as he began to look at the menu. "You are talking about me, right?" said Sirius. "Yes, of course." Replied Severus, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

As the meal went on the conversation went back to what had happened earlier that day.

Phoenix lashed out as soon as she was asked about specifics, "Would you just stop it. How would you like it if I continued to badger you Remus? It would make you feel uncomfortable. Just like there was nothing wrong with what I did, and I am tired of being badgered as if I am some kind of criminal because I had a bit of a moment. So back the bloody hell off, because I am damn tired of being criticized."

Lily arose grabbed her child by the arm and apparated at once, as soon as she got to her home she took a hold of her ear and smacked her bum hard once. Then she proceeded to drag her to her room. Then said somewhat abruptly, "I am tired of your attitude, so you are going to stay here, I am going to finish lunch with my friends and when I get back we will talk about your punishment. I was going to let you get away with the Malfoy incident with a simple twist of the ear, but since you obviously learned nothing we will have to give you something as more of a reminder."

As soon as her statement was finished she let go of her child and apparated. Lily went back to lunch with a heavy heart and a racing mind in an attempt to make a decision as to her child's fate.

Phoenix just walked up to her bed crawled in her comforter curled up in a ball and began to sob. Her mother had never tried anything like this. She always talked it out with her. She never just left her like that, nor was she usually this hard on her.

Her mother had always been here even when she messed up and now she had really made her mad. She felt like a complete failure. She didn't even get her wand today.

About an hour later her mother came back home, but she didn't come up immediately, just the fact that her mother was this mad made her fall apart again.

After Lily had some tea as she tried to calm herself because she knew Phoenix was going to be an absolute wreck. She used to melt down over a timeout, leaving her in her room for an hour and a half meant that she was going to be an emotional puddle.

Sure enough she walked in on her daughter who was crying her eyes out in a pose comparable to a fetal position. Lily always went with her gut at this point so she went over and sat down and began talking her in low town and rubbing her back. Once she had calmed down a bit her mom asked her If she would like a hug. Of course she just jumped at her mom and held on for dear life. "Oh Scout" Lily said as she clung to her daughter tightly. They sat there for the longest time with only hushed tones stated Lily to calm her upset daughter. Once she heard her daughter's breathing slow and her body relax she said, "Hon, I know your upset but I need to talk to you about this okay?"

Phoenix said nothing, only burying herself deeper in the covers of her bed. "We are going to talk about this, come on Scout that is enough."

Still nothing, Lily usually was not hard on her daughter, she believed that her daughter was a good person and didn't need a constant reminder to stay in line, however the child was a bit mischievous.

"That's enough of this young lady, I am this close to punishing you, and you don't want me doing that without your side of the story, in fact you really don't want me doing it at all. I would drop the attitude and talk to me little lady, otherwise I will be forced to punish you assuming that silence is an admission of guilt."

Lily paused for a minute listening for an answer, but got nothing so she got off the bed grabbed Phoenix's vanity chair and sat down in the middle of the room. She was hoping that the child would crack when she began thinking her bum was in danger.

"Okay, let's get this over with, lie over my lap." Lily said, still hoping that her child would show a bit of remorse prior to because she knew once she started the spanking she would have to stick with it. She would have to be the hard mom, she really didn't want to have to show her daughter tough love, she hardly ever punished her. Phoenix however had another idea, she simply got up and laid over her mother's lap without saying a word.

Lily looked down at her child questioning her tactics, she sighed in an attempt to calm her heart once more. She brought her hand up, but paused for a moment, then brought it down hard. Phoenix gasped, she hated this, absolutely hated it. In fact the feeling of hatred was mutual at this very instance. Once Lily started she got into her rhythm, and Phoenix began to squirm after a while. Lily continued waiting for the dam to break, but it never did. She thought about accioing a hairbrush to her, but she had never used an implement on her daughter. Severus had after she asked him to. However she thought that it wasn't the best idea, she did need to make an impression so she decided to bare her child's bottom and did so quickly.

It was rather easy, after all her child always wore a skirt, she simply flipped it up and pulled her knickers down. She began spanking the already pink flesh. Phoenix's wiggling went up, but no tear came down her face. Lily knew that when her little girl was upset she would hide it, which is exactly what she was doing here, she also knew that in order to make Phoenix understand her punishment that dam had to break, she had to poor her heart out. Her bum was now an awful shade of red, as was Lily's hand.

Lily could tell they were close, her child's bum was red from the very top to the tops of her thighs, but they weren't quite finished. Lily raised her hand again and started off the next group of slaps with an extra hard one, hoping it would soften her daughter's heart just a little. Soon after Phoenix began to cry openly and Lily knew she only had one thing left to do. She raised her leg and spanked her daughter's sit spots with particularly stinging swats. Then stated, "Are you ever going to use that attitude again young lady?" "No ma'am never" Lily stopped pulled up her daughter's knickers and fixed her skirt.

She didn't wait like some parents did, she simply picked her sobbing child up and held her. Lily just held her, she said nothing, knowing that Phoenix had a wounded pride and needed a moment of silence to adjust. Phoenix was happy for the moment of silence, her mom always seemed to know what she needed, sometimes she considered it a benefit, but others she almost wished her mother didn't have the maternal instinct.

After a minute or so Phoenix initiated the conversation allowing her mother to know she was ready with a simple, "I'm sorry I should have just told you." "Told me what Scout," her mother said softly. "About what actually happened over there and why I am so upset." "Are you ready to tell me now?" She simply shook her head and held on even tighter. "I'll tell you in a bit."

Her mother simply hummed a song and rubbed her daughter's back. They sat there forever doing nothing but holding on to one another. Phoenix once again initiated the conversation, but this time she was much calmer and clearer for that matter, "The thing between me and the Malfoys had a lot more to it, so I'll tell you the whole thing." She explained the incident from the very beginning and she did so in depth. At the end of the conversation Lily only had one thing to say, "I'm sorry Scout."

"Yeah" is the only reply she was given.

"You know your father loved you very much. I never told you this, but that night he literally jumped in front of a killing curse that was meant for you. I remember when you were born he looked so petrified, you see we didn't know what gender of child we were going to have we wanted it to be a surprise, but when you were born a girl he acted as if he didn't know what to do. He had this plan that he could go out and wrestle, prank me, but you see you were the first out, you were the oldest. We were gone that night you know and Voldemort had already killed your brother, but he died for you. He didn't know what to do Phoenix when you were born he had all these ideas of what parenting was going to be like and then they put a beautiful large eyed black haired little girl in his arms and he looked dumbfounded. It was one of the only times I had seen him afraid. He was afraid because he wanted you to have an amazing life, he died not so that you could be miserable and only have one parent, but simply that you might be able to have the life you deserved."

"I know Mum, I just, I just don't know. Sometimes I get so frustrated when I see other people with fathers who are having a great time. Don't get me wrong, I love you, your great, its just I've never had a dad to sit on the lap of, or to have read me stories or play quiditch with. It's stupid to miss something I've never had, but I do."

"I know Phoenix, I miss him too. You cried for a whole month after they were murdered, you screamed for your dad, but I couldn't give you one. Actually that was when me and Sev became super close because he came and let me sleep while you screamed at him for James and Harry."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Hmm, well as for the other thing, there is no such thing, and I for one perfectly agree with your statement, if anyone has dirty blood it is Lucius."

"Thanks mum, I really am sorry you know."

"I wish you would have talked to me in the first place, then I would have never had to punish you."

"Sorry, I guess I was just upset."

"Scout I don't know why you got so defensive when Remus asked you about the incident. I mean what you did was not egregiously wrong."

Phoenix only shrugged at her mother. "Well no worries, its over and done with and you are forgiven. I would also like to remind you that I am going to dinner with Severus tonight he wanted to talk to me about something and Remus is coming over here to keep you company."

"Is he mad?"

Lily looked at her daughter, "No he is not, but you might want to apologize anyway."

"Yeah, I was planning on it."

"You look tired love," she said as she played with her daughter's hair, "Maybe you should get some rest."

"Yeah, alright, that doesn't sound bad."

Lily stood up with her daughter still on her lap and carried her to the bed. She tucked her I and said as she was leaving, "I love you so much Pheonix Potter, don't you ever forget that."

She closed her eyes as she smiled at her mother's comment, she slowly went into a quiet slumber.

She woke up a couple of hours later, it was four o'clock. She saw her mother putting together a puzzle on the kitchen table as she walked in. She sat down next to her mother and came to the realization that her bum was still very sore. Her mother noticed, but made no outward sign of it.

They sat in silence for a while simply working on the task at hand. "I have to work tomorrow." Lily stated matter of factly. "Oh, okay" her daughter replied. "Sev is going to come and stay with you for the day." "Yeah, alright."

"Phoenix, he isn't mad."

"I know mum."

"No you don't because if you did you wouldn't be so nervous."

"Is he gonna punish me?"

Lily looked shocked, "No, you have been punished and are forgiven, we are moving on with a clean slate, just like always."

"Right, just checking," Phoenix stated still not believing that Severus had forgiven her.

Her mother still looked worried about what she was thinking, but chose to remain silent.

"Can we go and get my wand tomorrow?"

"Maybe we'll have to see. I have to work tomorrow as I said, so we will have to see if I get home in time to go."

"Right, I'm gonna go up to my room for a while then." The mood was somber.

"Phoenix, why don't we go right now?"

"No, I mean I don't really deserve it."

"Your forgiven so there is no need to not let you go, you're not grounded."

"I'd just rather not go" Phoenix said.

"Well, I guess that is okay, are you feeling okay, Phoenix?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to go up to my room for a little while."

"If you are sure, just remember your not in trouble."

"I know" Phoenix stated as she walked up stairs.

Phoenix was laying on her bed when her mom came in, "Phoenix you seemed upset down stairs, are you sure your okay, because if not I'll just stay with you, me and Sev can talk another time."

"No you have to go it's fine, I'm fine, I promise I really am."

"I'm not under the impression that you are okay," Lily stated.

"I'm just ruining your whole day," she said beginning to cry for what seamed like the thousandth time that day. "I am going to go call Severus and tell him that we need to have a mother-daughter night."

"No don't, I am ruining the whole day!"

"You are not ruining anything, you have had a rough day and are upset. I am going to floo Severus and that is final. When I come back we are going to have a mother daughter night. And that is final."

She came back to see her daughter only a few minutes later. She had talked to both Severus and Remus, both of which wished her luck and hoped that Phoenix would feel better soon.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

"Come here love." Lily said.

"No mum."

"No, hmm, I would think someone with this sore of a bum would be a bit more obedient." Lily said, "Come on, I know your upset."

Phoenix pushed herself off the end of her bed and walked to her mom. Lily gently wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged her for some time. "What is up love?"

"You need to go with Sev tonight."

"Scout, I told you we are going to have a mother daughter night."

"I don't want a mother daughter night. I want you to go see Sev." Lily looked shocked at her daughter, "Are you mad because I punished you?" "No Mum, of course not. I just want to be alone and I know Sev needed to talk to you about something important." Lily sighed and looking right into her daughters said "okay if that is what you really want." "It is I promise."

"What do you think I should wear?"

"How about the green dress?"

"I won't even fit in that anymore."

"Yes you will Mum, you have only gained like 2 lbs. and you work out all the time. Just try it on."

"Fine, I will try."

Lily slipped on the dress and walked out of the bathroom. Her daughter just smiled. "You look great."

"Thanks Scout, but it's not like it is a date." Phoenix looked at her and shrugged, "Yeah but it is obviously important."

They walked down stairs together. When they got to the living room Lily said, "You're sure you're okay? I mean you don't want me to stay?" "Mum, I'll be fine, trust me. Just go and try and have a good time."

"You look lovely my Lily" Sev said. "Well thank you, the dress was Phoenix's idea, although I do quite like it myself." "Well she has very good taste because I like it too." He replied.

They ate and had wonderful conversations, but at last the time had come to leave. Severus knew he had to gain the courage he had never been able to find. "Lily would you like to go on a walk with me?" "A walk, Sev?"

"Yeah, I know just the place." "Well then by all means, shall we?"

They apparated and at once Severus felt a sickening in his stomach. "You can do this she is your best friend, not Voldemort" he told himself over and over.

Finally, after walking through the trees in the moon light for some time they stopped in an opening. The perfect crescent moon shining brightly above them. He looked her right in the eyes, and began. "I know that we have never officially gone out on a date, but I love you Lily. I would never want to be with anyone other than you. I even went and asked your daughter if she thought this was going to be a good thing and she agreed with me, you know how tough of a cookie she is to crack. Regardless of our past, I want to spend the rest of my life with you the women who I love and always have. I have never gotten over you from the first time I met you when your sister was teasing you. I love the way you walk, the way your eyes can express just how you are feeling, and even the way you melt down. The point of this useless rant is that I want to spend the rest of my life with the women of my dreams and reality. That woman is you my flower" he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring "Will you marry me"?

"Oh Sev! I had no idea you felt this way. I love you, I just I don't know what to say. Yes just isn't a suitable answer is it." "It's the only one I need" he said leaning down and kissing his now fiancé, when they finally broke their first kiss he lightly picked up her hand and slid the ring on her finger. All he could say was, "I wish I did this a lot sooner." Lily smiled and said, "You think you could have convinced Phoenix any sooner." "I can be very convincing Lils." "Yes I know," she replied drawing him into another kiss. They went back to his house and relaxed and held each other for quite some time.

Finally she left his arms and kissed him on the forehead and said, "I must get home, my mischievous daughter has some explaining to do?" Severus just chuckled, "Good night my flower." She apparated and when she got home she realized just how much lighter her heart was feeling already. She walked up to her daughter's room and opened the door. Quietly she smiled as she watched her sleeping daughter; they would have to talk about all this in the morning.

Morning came far too soon for both members of the Potter household. Lily let her daughter sleep in; Severus came that morning to watch her mischievous daughter. "No more scheming my sorcerer." Lily said as she kissed him. "Your wish is my command," he said back.

Phoenix woke up just in time to see their mini make out session. They only stopped when she finally said, "Use protection". They stopped abruptly and looked at her with wide eyes. "What?" Phoenix said.

"You my mischief maker and I will be having a talk about scheming later. I love you. Both of you." She said lightly before apparating to work.

"Where's that self-control you Snape's are so famous for?" Phoenix commented. "The same place the respect you are known for is; right out the window. Watch your cheek child." Severus replied. "You're not going to start that are you?" "Start what exactly" "The Strict parental figure face thing." She said. "I told you that I would call you on the rules that you break. I told you what to expect did I not?" "Yeah, it's just, never mind." "None of that, what is it?" He said sharply.

"It's nothing" she said. "If I find out it is something you'll be sorry. Now let's have breakfast". "Didn't you already eat something; I mean my mum's face looked like it was being chewed on." "Strike two on cheek, want to see what happens if we get to 3." Severus replied dryly. "This isn't fair, you can't expect me to change the way we converse in a matter of hours." She said in frustration. "Maybe not, but the only way you will make steps in the right direction is if you begin to have consequences am I right?" "No you're not." "Okay that's fine." He said as a sign of dismissal of her negative comment.

They ate breakfast in close to silence. Afterwards Severus began, "What do you want to do today?" "I don't know whatever; I was planning on going and studying for a while." "Alright that sounds fine why don't you go grab the book you're working on and we can go over the information together." "I'd rather just read by myself." "Well, I don't want to have a completely boring day so just oblige me and let me help you." He said. He heard her mumble something but couldn't call her on it because he couldn't really make out what it was.

"Oh, nice choice." He said looking at her potions book. She rolled her eyes and responded, "It is one of my school books there aren't that many options." "I don't like your attitude; I have had about enough of it, so unless you want to spend some time with a wall instead of a book, I suggest you end it." She just looked at him with those green eyes. "Alright, what chapter are you on?" He said changing the subject.

"I'm on 12." "Almost done with it already?" Sev said. "I have the rest of my books done. They are really easy and we had copies in the library. I have read more complicated ones from our library." "Yes I am sure you have, but most students haven't that is why these are at this level, but I am sure you will still find classes engaging," said Severus. "Yeah I hope so." They started digging into the Potions within her book and Phoenix seemed to drop the attitude.

"So all you have to do is make sure you drop it in slowly to ensure that it doesn't affect the basic structure of the serum." Severus said. "Right and you stir counter clock wise to ensure that the acid from the liver is dissolved evenly so that it doesn't react poorly with the neutrality of the substance. Otherwise it would blow up, right?" He smiled and said, "You are quite right, and you have obviously spent too much time with potions texts." "Is that actually possible?" "For an 11 year old, absolutely." He said smiling, "Come here you". She walked up to him and he pulled her onto his lap and held her. "You are very special to me. I want you to know that, but I also want you to know that I will not give you benefits in class based on our relationship. I love you, but I won't show favoritism. If you do a good job then it will be deemed as such, do you understand?"  
"Yeah, I understand. I have a question though." "I have open ears." He said becoming a bit concerned. "Will you punish me, you know, like a dad would if I do badly at school." "First, let us define badly shall we. I will prescribe school punishments for your misbehavior within school regulation. If for instance you do something that would generally be sent to your parents than I will alert your mother and we will decide what the punishment for your actions should be." He said. "Would you, you know ground me?" Phoenix said. "We might, but it would be a family decision and I am not going to ground you because you were late for class, it would be for something big," he said. "Oh, alright." "Hey, if you ever need to talk about something I am here for you," he said concerned. "Yeah I know," she replied.

The rest of the day went a lot smoother between the two of them. Finally, Lily got home from her day at work and she looked exhausted. "Why don't you sit down for a while, I have already got dinner in the oven," said Severus. "No, I need to take Phoenix to get her wand," said Lily. "I am sure she would understand if you are too tired," replied Severus. "No, I need to." Lily began but Severus cut her off. "You need to sit down, go" he said pointing towards a couch in the living room. She felt so much better after sitting down and relaxing, Severus came once he got something set up for dinner and sat with her stroking her hair and talking quietly.

"Phoenix dinner," Severus shouted, "Phoenix!" Lily got up and said, "I'll go get her." Lily walked up stairs and knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. After knocking multiple times she finally entered without permission. Phoenix wasn't here, the window was open; this only meant one thing, she had left. Lily was fuming she went downstairs and saw Severus who looked immediately worried, "What's wrong?" "She isn't there and her window is open which means that she is probably out and about even though she knows she is not supposed to be without permission. I am going to go find her and when I do she will be sorry." Lily threw on her rain coat and left the house. She finally found her daughter after 35 minutes of searching at a park sitting on a swing; a park that was a half mile away. Lily was fuming at her daughter.

She went over and grabbed her daughter by the ear and began pulling her along, hard. "OOoowww, Mum, stoooop, ooooh, please, oooooowwww" she began pleading. Her mother however kept walking until they were out of sight from their neighbors and apparated home. When she got there she looked at her daughter who was bracing against the pull. Not the best idea, Lily thought, but kept her grip firm. "You are in a lot of trouble. I don't know what has gotten into you lately, but it will end today. Please go to your room". Even though please was in the statement Phoenix knew it was not a request so as soon as her mother let go of her ear she began her walk to her room.

When she got there she simply let out a yell of frustration. She began thinking, "Why can't she even trust me to be alone for a day, or a few minutes. How is she going to handle me going to Hogwarts?" Generally when she was about to be punished she was upset and she felt guilty and generally she was a puddle. However, this time was different, she was angry. Today, Severus was being super picky: stop your cheek, I don't like your attitude, you need to eat like a proper young lady, sit up, and use a napkin… The list went on and on, all she wanted was a little alone time to process.

Meanwhile, Lily and Severus were talking in the kitchen. "She usually isn't like this, two days in a row of her being utterly disrespectful, cheeky, and blatantly breaking our rules. I just don't know she is usually so well behaved, maybe I just go too easy on her." "Hey, don't blame yourself she is the one who is messing up and she will pay the price for it." "I don't want to ground her for the last time I have with her, but she just got a spanking yesterday and it obviously didn't fix anything," Lily looked at him and said, "What about the spanking part of it, she put her life in danger, that is one of the few things she can get one for, so I feel obligated to give her one." "I will take care of it, how does that sound?" "It sounds terrible, but better you than me. Are you going to use an implement?" "We will see how much resistance I get. But let's be honest, probably not, if she puts up a big fight then maybe."

"Ugh" Lily sighed out, "This is not how this was supposed to go." "I know, but we'll take care of it." And with that said Severus kissed his fiancé on the forehead and made his way to his soon to be step-daughters room. He got to the door and sighed loudly, contemplating how he was even going to do this. He promised her he would be a dad and now was the time to make good on that promise, but he was scared. Sure he had punished her before, but things were different today, he now had to do it as a father; something he wasn't even sure he could be.

He opened the door to find something that concerned him, instead of an upset and guilty little girl; he found one that was seething, anger leaked from every poor of her body. "Let's talk for a bit okay," he began. She merely looked up and shrugged.

"Phoenix, you know what you did was wrong. You know you can't just leave the house without telling someone. You usually aren't one to break this many major rules in such a small time frame, if I remember correctly you have only had a handful of spankings in your entire life up until yesterday and now you're on the edge of having another one. What is going on Love?"  
A quiet barely audible "nothing" could be heard, but Severus wasn't satisfied, "I need a real answer". "There isn't anything going on, you're reading too much into this," she said with as much attitude as she would dare. "We aren't getting anywhere so I assume we should just get to your punishment." Severus said steeling himself to do as he promised. "Yeah, I guess we should," she replied.

Severus blanched as Phoenix was placed over his knee. He quickly bared the bottom in front of him and brought his hand down. He was a slow and thorough spanker; he spent time letting the sting build in the bottom in front of him with each spank. He also made sure that he stayed in the same spot for a while to add to the discomfort. After making his rounds up and down her bottom and thighs a couple of times he realized that she wasn't crying and the only way they were ever going to get through this was if he made some sort of impact. He thought for a moment and acciod a slipper to himself. Taking hold of it he brought it down hard on the already red thighs in front of him, for which he was only granted a loud yelp. He continued, praying she would break soon. He needed her respect but he didn't want to hurt her, and right now he couldn't stand himself for even doing this much. He focused on her sit spots again and again he brought the slipper down. The two swats of the slipper were enough. He heard the sobs, the sobs were a relief to Severus who immediately stopped and fixed her cloths. He proceeded to pick her up and wrap his arms around her, but immediately felt resistance, she pushed away from him. As soon as she got away from him she fell on her very sore bottom and yelped letting more tears flow down her eyes. She quickly got up and climbed into her bed, stomach down of course and grabbed one of her many pillows and hugged it against her chest.

Severus came and sat on the bed next to her and began stroking her hair and rubbing her back, but she made no outward sign of recognition. Eventually, she fell asleep and Severus left. As he closed the door tears came to his eyes and he began to cry in earnest. He sat on the steps for about ten minutes before Lily saw him crying. "Oh, Sev," she said running over and hugging him at once. "It was terrible, she wouldn't talk to me at all, and then she wouldn't cry during her spanking so I had to keep going, then she wouldn't let me comfort her. She crawled in her bed and let me stroke her hair and rub her back, but she never recognized that I did it. I'm a terrible parent Lily maybe this isn't the best idea," he choked out. "No, you are fine; she was in the wrong, not you. I would have done the same thing and gotten the same response. Sev, you can't hold it against yourself." She grabbed his hands and said, "Come on let's get off these steps and go somewhere more comfortable and talk.

Phoenix woke up in her room and began crying. All she wanted was her mom to hold her and say she was forgiven, but she couldn't do that because she felt so bad.

Eventually Severus calmed down, and as soon as he did what was an emotional conversation turned into a wonderful make out session. It seemed to be so short but when they looked at the time they realized a good 45 minutes had passed. He went to put his shirt back on and watched his future wife do the same.

As he sat on the edge of the bed she came over and put her head on his shoulder, "Sev, I want you to know how much I love you and appreciate everything you are doing. I know it has been a rough couple of days. I promise it isn't usually this emotional around her." He then replied, "I wouldn't care if it was." They sat there for a minute just relishing in each other's company, "I should go make dinner" Lily said as she got up from the bed.

It was time for dinner and they both looked at each other almost drawing straws as to who would go and get Phoenix. Severus looked at Lily for a moment and then said, "I should go and get her. I dealt out the punishment and if she needs comforting I should be the one to give it." "Sev, let's see how she is doing before we make decision on whether to ground her. The spanking might have done the job."

He got to her room and once again he couldn't get himself to open the door. He know he needed to pull down the handle but his shaking hand couldn't complete the task. After multiple deep breaths he finally talked himself into it.

He saw her curled up on her bed crying, it killed him. At the same time there was a bit in his mind that said, she wouldn't be having these problems if she let me comfort her. He walked over and sat down on the bed but she didn't even realize he was there. "Phoenix, come on love talk to me." He then proceeded to pick her up and set her on his lap even though she struggled to get out of his grip he managed to hold her. He waited until she had calmed down completely and then said, "What is all this about Scout?" "I was and you were, and now" came the incoherent reply. He just waited while she calmed down again. "You were m-my best friend yesterday and now you're supposed to be my dad and it's hard. I didn't think it would change this much and in a few weeks you are going to be my professor slash step-father slash friend and I am having a hard time adjusting. I want to be able to treat you like a friend and not like a dad that I have to have my guard up all the time around."

He rubbed her back through the whole rant. "Phoenix, I can't fix things when you don't tell me and running off down the street because you are upset is anything but an acceptable response." "I know" she whispered. "I know you know, and that is where I struggle Love, because you knew it was wrong before you did it. It wasn't a lapse of judgment it was blatant disobedience." He replied to her in a calm and firm voice. "I know, I'm sorry, I should have just said something or stayed in my room, but I shouldn't have done that," she whispered back. "Yes you should have. With that said I think we should discuss the rest of your punishment." After saying this he looked at her and saw the tears already forming in her eyes but she made no objection. "Your mother and I decided that a spanking wasn't enough this time around. You are leaving for Hogwarts in just a couple of weeks and you cannot allow your emotions to run away with you, it puts you in too much danger. We discussed that it would be best for you to be under constant supervision for a week." She just looked at him there was no pout or retort just a couple of tears streaming down her face as he admonished her actions. "However, I think that the lesson was well learned. So I don't think it is necessary, but if you allow your emotions to run away with your mind again like this I can assure you that you will be on a tight leash, understood?" "Yes sir," came a quick but quiet reply. He rubbed her back some more and said, "Dinners ready, I think we should go." He kissed her temple as he stood up.

They walked down stairs together, Phoenix still looking a bit distraught, but she was smiling so Lily felt better. She would have to ask Sev if he had gone through with the other punishment, based on her daughter's expressions she would think no, but she should check before she goes spouting off any ideas. Severus bent down and whispered a very quiet and kind, "I think there is something you need to say". Phoenix went over to her mom, head down and said, "I'm sorry I worried you. I was upset, but I shouldn't have left the house regardless." She picked up her daughters chin and looked her in the eyes, "It's water under the bridge Love, but don't do it again please. I was very worried." "I know and that wasn't fair to you in the slightest." Her mom said nothing but gave her a hug and said, "We are having enchiladas and smoothies for later so I suggest that we get started."

Dinner was a pleasant experience; they laughed and had a good time even if Phoenix did have to wiggle around a little bit. Everything was back to normal, at least as normal as it got for this family. This left Lily with a much greater sense of peace about sending her daughter away to Hogwarts in just a few short weeks. Severus felt loved, he felt as though he had a real family for the first time in his life.


	4. Chapter 4

After dinner Phoenix went to bed, after all the day had been rather taxing. Severus went up and kissed her good night when her mom did and he felt so loved by the woman and girl who had stolen his heart. They went down stairs together holding hands and ordered some tea from the house elf Soby. After drinking their tea Severus bent over and slowly kissed her on the lips, "What did I do without you?" He whispered ever so softly in her ear sending chills up Lily's spine. "I can't answer that, but it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" They woke up the following morning with their bodies right up against one another. Warmth and comfort were the only feelings that had entered either of their minds that morning. Lily looked over at her soon to be husband and kissed him on the forehead and said, "Its been too long Sev far too long. But last night was the best thing that has happened for me in a long time. It was about me, not about my daughter, my job, or juggling the two of them. I know it is selfish but this is the first time I have felt that in a long time. Like I was what came first, you were such a gentlemen. I love you." "I love you too, Lily." Replied Sev kissing her on the forehead, "I should go and make breakfast my love. I'll see you down there." And with that Lily left bedroom and went downstairs.

After breakfast was started Severus came down and they switched places so Lily could get ready. When Lily came back down they spent some time holding each other close. It was so nice for Lily to have that security and for Severus it was nice to just know someone loved him. Phoenix came downstairs in the middle of their cuddle session and giggled out, "Is this going to be a common morning, I mean I could move my alarm back 5 minutes if it would suit your kitchen romance better?" "Alright cheeky brat set the table." Severus said reaching over and nudging her towards the kitchen table. "Fine, I'm just giving you options." She replied.

While they were all eating Lily once again brought up the important subject of wands, "I think that if everything goes according to plan we should be able to get your wand today. You will have to wait till I get back from work because I want to be there, but it will still be a good time." "That sounds great" said Phoenix whose cheeks blushed immensely at the first part of her comment. "It is settled then." Severus then interjected, "Phoenix, I know you probably don't want to but I have a staff meeting today that you are going to have to come to." "Sev, why can't I stay here by myself, I mean it won't be that long, and its not like anything will happen," she replied. "No, its not up for negotiation. You are coming, besides they all want to see you." "I know its just it will be weird because they are going to be my professors soon and they are probably always going to see me as the little kid who needs to be babysat." "All young children need supervision, this is nothing new to them and I promise they won't go pointing out embarrassing stories about times you were in diapers, or were naughty and had a sore bum," he said with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Thanks for the help I feel so much better," she said with a hint of sarcasm. "I bet you do, let's go Scout," he replied without realizing the sarcasm in her voice.

When they got to Hogwarts Phoenix attempted to hide behind Severus' billowing robes. He turned around before walking in the staff room and raised his eyebrow at her. "What I'm nervous". He smiled at her, "Phoenix, we have been over this, it is no big deal. Do I need to make you say it for good measure." "I know, it's just weird now, and I don't need to come with you everywhere, I'm 11 after all." He sighed, "We have been over this too I believe, you are 11 not 12 and by law you cannot stay home alone." "Let's just go," she replied putting her head down dejectedly.

"Hello future Hogwarts student, I wasn't aware you were coming today!" "Oh high Aunt Nerva," she replied sheepishly. "Yes, well just don't call me that in class okay," McGonagall said smiling back.

Phoenix quickly went and sat down in the back of the room, all of her soon to be professors greeted her in a very similar fashion as McGonagall. The meeting went on and on, Phoenix soon became bored with the situation and as such began to find mischief of her own. She slipped out of the back of the room while Binns was lecturing on his "New and Improved" curriculum. She began wandering through the castle seeing a few house elves scurrying around taking random hall ways as she please.

She went up the grand stair case and opened one of the doors, but little did she know what was behind it. She opened it up and found a dog with three heads. She was immediately frightened and ran back closing the door behind her. She checked the time she had been wandering around for nearly an hour and she new if she got caught, she was done for. Not only that but she wouldn't be able to get her wand today. She practically ran back to the staff room and it was a good thing she was in shape because she found a stern looking Severus waiting for her just inside the doorway. "Just where have you been young lady?" "Bathroom" she replied back. "For the past 28 minutes?" He said with a glint of anger and disappointment in his onyx eyes. "Well, its kind of a long and personal story." "Which you will be explaining to me as soon as we get home." "Yes Sir."

The flood home and immediately Severus got down to business. He really didn't want to deal with this much poor behavior right on top of the last one. She was hardly ever punished, but if she went and snooped through the castle, putting herself in danger, she would be sorry. "Alright I want the whole story. Don't you dare lie to me either."

"I don't really want to talk about it." "Well, whether you want to or not is irrelevant," he replied shortly. "Can I talk about it with mom instead?" "Because you think she'll go easier on you, absolutely not. I am the one to deal with the disobedience that happens under my watch." "But it wasn't disobedience, not really." "I told you to behave, but you had to wander off and go exploring. Why couldn't you just sit at the back of the room and behave yourself just once. You always decide that it is perfectly acceptable to disobey and I am sick and tired of it. You put yourself in danger. I had no idea where you were. You are asking for another spanking, I have half a mind to give you one. Not only that, but you lied to me."

"I didn't lie. I did go to the bathroom." "For 28 minutes Phoenix?" "Well excuse me for starting my period. I didn't know it was a crime, but obviously you didn't realize how uncomfortable I felt. Maybe next time you have mass quantities of blood coming out of your uterus, you'll understand." It was the only thing she had going on that had any chance of saving her backside.

"Wait, what? You are too young." "I'm not too young and if you want to check you can." She replied hotly. "No, no, I'm fine. Wait are you okay, do you hurt anywhere? Do you need something? I could go and get your mom or someone if you need to talk about this," he said concerned. "No Sev, I'm fine, I started my period, so there is no need to worry. But I think I am going to lie down for awhile I am kind of tired."

Phoenix spent her time in her room crying. Why did you lie? She thought to herself over and over. Eventually she got a handle of her emotions and stopped the uncontrollable sobbing. However, after some time Severus walked in and she began to panic immediately. "Are you feeling okay?" Sev said. "What, oh yeah fine. I just um got up is all." "Well alright," he said concerned, "If you need anything let me know."

After he left she gave a sigh of relief, at least she didn't have to continue lying about what was going on. She started pacing, since her birthday she had already been in trouble twice and there is no way she was going to last long like this. She never got in trouble, what was she thinking continuing to disobey and make her own rules up. She knew they were right, but why couldn't she just behave. She thought about these topics for hours as she paced her room. At least she was secluded now, not being right down the hall from her mother, but even still she felt terrible about lying. It was never really her forte, but she had gotten in more trouble in the last couple of days than in the past 2 years.

As time went on she indeed got frustrated again eventually going into the bathroom and throwing water on her face hoping to clear up her tears. Her mother would be home soon and she needed to look okay if she wanted to get her wand, and that was the only reason she lied in the first place.

As she walked down stairs the pang of guilt in her stomach began to flair up once more. She couldn't do it, she couldn't lie much longer. Her ability to keep it together was fading and she was only on the 3rd step. She knew she couldn't tell her mother the lie, she just couldn't and she couldn't get her wand under the pretenses that she behaved and had a good day.

When she got downstairs she saw her mom and Sev, they were smiling. "Hey Scout are you feeling alright? Sev told me what happened today." "Um yeah its fine, can we talk up stairs, just me and you," she said. "Of course Love let's go."

When they got there Phoenix took 5 long breaths, gulping down her anxiety she blurted our, "I am biggest idiot and I know your disappointed. I just didn't want Sev to not let me get my wand today, but I didn't know what else to say to get me out of it. Now I am in a heap of trouble and you are going to be so mad and disappointed and ashamed." At this point she just broke into tears and her mother just looked perplexed at her, but got up and wrapped her arms around her daughter while she bawled. Once she had calmed down, Lily said, "What am I going to be so mad about Love?" Phoenix didn't answer but instead buried her head in her mother's chest, "Come on Scout, I am sure we can talk about this." "No we can't. I lied to him, I'm a terrible person." "You are not and don't you ever say that again. Phoenix we do need to talk about this though." Her daughter began incoherently talking and crying again. Lily rocked her child while she calmed down. "Scout, look at me please." Lily said, almost immediately those green eyes looked at her. "Love, we just need to talk about this, it is very unlike you is all, quite frankly you have been all out of sorts lately." Phoenix began speaking, a bit more coherently this time, "I don't know, I just guess that I have just been trying to see if, you know, that if well, never mind." "No never minds, we are having a discussion," her mother prompted. Phoenix whispered, "If you still loved me as much, and if Sev loved me as much as you." Lily sighed, "Look at me. Love isn't something that leaves or is only there when your good, it is there all the time, even if your daughter is particularly naughty." She said with a wink, "If it doesn't than it is not love." Phoenix holding her gaze the entire time replied, "Well then maybe I was seeing if he loved me." "Child he has always loved you, as do I." "I know," said Phoenix. Lily snorted, "Obviously you don't hmmm." She said while calmly braiding her daughter's hair. "I am going to let this slide, but you have to go tell Sev and he is allowed to do as he pleases when it comes to punishment." "But mom, that's not" Lily cut her off, "It is certainly fair, you lied to him, it is him you will deal with." Phoenix sighed, "Now?" she said. "Now" her mother gave a simple reply as she kissed her on the temple.

Phoenix walked down the stairs as slowly as possible her mom didn't pressure her but followed. As she walked into the room Severus was sitting in he said, "I'm glad you are feeling better Scout." "Um yeah, I uh, well, I wanted to talk about that." He looked at her quizzically "Okay, well we can talk about it, although I think your mother might be better in that department." She just looked down for a moment, "I already talked to her, she told me to talk to you because I-I, well, I lied earlier. I'm sorry and I promise it will never happen again, but Mom said you should punish me as you see fit because I lied to you first and foremost. I did start my period, but that isn't why I was gone. I went exploring like you said."

She stood waiting for the angry yelling, but it didn't come he simply gazed at her for many a moment. "Umm well, I guess I'll just wait in my room then." She said beginning to walk out, however, as soon as she made her second step she heard a quiet yet stone cold, "Wait." She turned around grimacing and she met his gaze but only for a moment before finding her eyes directed back towards the floor. He began, "You disobeyed me earlier, not only that, but you put your life in danger and then you have the gall to lie to my face about it all day." She interrupted, "If it's any consolation I felt terrible all day. I spent most of it crying cause I felt bad."

"That is beside the point, you earned that consequence. You have never been like this before. You have always been slightly mischievous I'll admit, but never a liar. You certainly have never caused this much trouble in this little of a time. I am about fed up with it, you continue to come and say your apologies, yet you turn around the very next day and continue the inappropriate behavior. You are acting as a three year old, but not as a child who is getting ready to go to Hogwarts. Well, do you have anything to say for yourself?" At this point he stopped his ranting and realized he finished at a full out yell and he heard her crying and it broke his heart. "Love come here" he said softly. She replied with only a shake of the head, wrapping her arms around herself tightly and taking a step back from him. He stood up and began to walk towards her, attempting to hug her as she shook from crying but as soon as he did she pushed him away saying, "No, I don't deserve it, I don't". She then ran off, but he followed, she flopped down on her bed and cried. He sat down in her desk chair and allowed her to do so, knowing full well she didn't want or appreciate his presence at the moment. Instead, he waited silently while Phoenix proceeded to belittle herself "Stupid, stupid how could you do this, do you want him to hate you because that could be arranged if you keep acting like an idiot." He waited until she quieted and then he got up and walked towards the bed and picked her up onto his lap, while she tried to push him away saying that she wasn't worth it. "You are very worth it and neither of us are leaving this room or even this bed until we talk." He waited for her while she settled on his lap.

He began again, "Now I want to talk about today, but first and most importantly I want to talk about some of those things you were saying about yourself just now." She just buried her head in his chest. "That's not talking little one." "I well, it's just that, I don't, you know, deserve everything you keep doing. I've been really bad and I don't deserve it, and you're not my dad so you aren't required to you know." She stopped after these jumbled and incoherent sentences. Severus however just pulled her in tighter and said, "No, I don't know, I love you, it doesn't matter to me that you are not biologically mine, because in my heart you are mine and that is what matters. You deserve so much more than I can give you, but I also deserve a bit more respect, yeah?" "Yeah you do, I'm really sorry." "I know, but you need to trust me, trust at least that I am not going to drop you off like yesterday's meat. Scout I love you, I knew you were part of the package when I asked your mother to marry me, you were part of the package. Not only was I okay with that, but I loved the idea of being your dad, even if not in title. Love isn't about deserving something or earning it, but that it is there all the time, regardless of the situation. I want to be that for you, but I can't be unless you let me."

She looked up with tear stained eyes, "You want to be my dad?" "Of course, I didn't ask your mother to marry me so I could dump you." "It's just I made the decision that this would be okay on the basis that my mom would come first, not me. I want her to have something that is all hers, something where I am not the priority all the time and I thought that it was going to be you." Severus looked at her shocked, "Phoenix, first your mother would never allow me to take priority, second, we are going to become a family one step at a time and I don't expect you to start calling me dad right this second, but I do expect you to work with me." She nodded, and he began again, "That means listening the best you can, talking to me, and at the very base level, at least being honest. I have never had problems with you with any of these things before I put that ring on your mothers finger. And I won't sacrifice your morality for my gain, neither will your mother and if it means that we call this off, then that is what we do."

"No, no, I'll learn to do this, I will. It would kill her if you did that, and I know my actions haven't been showing it. But it would kill me too. I love you, and I want you to be my dad, the dad I've never had." By the end of her speech she was bawling yet again. He went back to rocking her, but in his mind he knew he had finally worked out the missing puzzle piece.

Once she had calmed down he began his speech for what seamed like the thousandth time that day, "Phoenix, I know you have been beating yourself up all day, and I know that you will never do this again, so we will let it slide. However, in the off chance that you do lie to me again I can guarantee not only will your bottom not thank you, but neither will your mouth. Are we clear?" "Very" she replied. "This is the second time I have let you off, don't expect it to happen again. No more excuses for poor behavior. Okay, then we are done here."

Awhile later Lily walked in to find her two favorite people huddled together on a bed. They looked so peaceful she thought. She then went and got ready for bed herself but came back to tuck herself in next to her fiancé and daughter. They all woke up the next morning feeling warm and loved.

Severus got up first carefully stepping out of bed as to not wake either of his girls. The thought alone made him smile, they were his girls. The one on the left was the love of his life, the one on the right was the cause of all his trouble lately but he still loved her to pieces. He started cooking breakfast and realized how very light his heart felt. Phoenix came down next, she looked at him for a brief moment then looked back at the ground. "You're forgiven and I'm not mad, so there is no point in being so sheepish yeah?" Sev said hoping he would get a positive answer and not a defensive reply. "I know its just I really screwed up, but thanks for the forgiveness. I know I don't deserve it". He tried to come up with a reply but before he could Lily walked in yawning.

At breakfast they went over the game plan for the day. "So, I am going to work and Sev has a staff meeting which means I have asked Remus to watch you and I want you to behave for him." Lily said. "But Mom why do I have to be babysat all the time, it's not fair. I can take care of myself. In a couple of weeks you're going to let me go to Hogwarts and I will take care of myself there." Phoenix griped back at her mother. "I believe we have been over this numerous times, you cannot legally stay by yourself. And obviously yesterday proved you need a babysitter and a much more observant one, otherwise I would let you go with Sev." "You said you were letting it slide and now you're punishing me." "I am not punishing you, I am simply giving you my reasons for my actions". "Which are a punishment, maybe I acted that way just to prove to you that I could handle it, which I did FYI. Whatever, I am going to my room." Phoenix all but yelled back at her mother. "You will do nothing of the sort, you will pull yourself out of your chair and stand in the corner there and maybe spend some time thinking about how mature and grownup you had to be to get there." Phoenix glared and pouted but did as she was asked, huffing all the way.

When her mother thought she had calmed down enough she said, "You can come out now, Scout". Phoenix turned around and glared at her mother her arms were crossed and attitude poured from every cell of her body. "Now, Remus is coming, you will treat him with respect or you will not like the consequences. I didn't mean to make this sound like a punishment, but I can assure you the way you handled that situation was unnecessary, disrespectful, and quite frankly disgraceful. I have given you a lot of grace lately, so today you will be nice to Remus, and while doing so, you are going to write me a 3 foot essay on ways to improve your attitude. Are we clear?" Phoenix's glare had not ceased but she nodded her head. "A verbal answer." "Yes ma'am, may I go to my room?" Lily nodded.

Phoenix got to her room and was frustrated, what happened to forgiven and forgotten anyway? She punched her pillow a couple of times then decided to get ready. After she got ready for the day, she began to work on her "assignment." She started writing and she decided that it was going to be a lot harder to write then she thought. She didn't think she had an attitude, but she knew her mother didn't share this sentiment and it would probably be a bad thing for her sake to write down. She sighed, staring back down at her paper. While she was doing so her mother walked in and looked at her and said, "Remus is downstairs, I am going and Sev will be leaving in a few minutes, behave and I am glad to see you are working on that essay". Phoenix only said a quick "okay", there was no I love you or hug goodbye. She pretended to start writing again as a symbol that her mother should leave. Lily got the message but was frustrated at it.

When Lily got downstairs, she looked at Sev and said, "We are dealing with this tonight, I am not putting up with another minute of it. So come up with some ideas of what we should do." "She gave you more attitude?" "I guess you could say that. She was working on her essay, but she wouldn't look at me nor would she say goodbye. What the hell is going on with her?" Sev looked at his upset fiancé, "I don't know, but it is going to stop." Remus quickly interjected, "I don't mean to make you worry, but the attitude, the lying, the danger, these all seem like things my best friend would have done long ago. Things he would have cared about punishment for a couple of hours and then gone back to what he was doing. Sometimes she really reminds me of him you know?" "Yeah, well she won't be like him if I have anything to do with it. Don't get me wrong I loved him once he had matured, but before that he was a monster and I don't care if I have to throw her over my lap every day for a month, it isn't going to happen." Remus nodded in understanding, Lily grabbed her stuff and said a quick thank you and goodbye before heading out to work. Severus left moments after leaving Remus in a gigantic house with a preteen in need of an attitude adjustment.

He walked up stairs slowly hoping that the attitude had at least slowed enough to wear he and his niece could have a discussion. He knocked on her door and heard a quiet, "Come in".

He walked in thinking he was going to see a preteen with a lot of attitude instead he saw one that just looked sad. He questioned what he should say, "How are things going up here?" She looked at him for a moment and said, "There ok I guess." "Just okay, well let's see if we can make it a little better then that. I know you have had a rough couple of days so why don't we go do something fun for a while to get your mind off things and then you can come back and work on your little project." "Thanks Remus, but I should really get this done, my mom is mad enough as it is." "I don't want to support procrastination, but I think you're a little too frustrated too do your work right now. And it won't take you so long once you relax a bit." "No I really shouldn't, I need to get this done." "Alright, well I'll leave you to it. Come down when you're ready or if you just want to talk."

Phoenix sighed and nodded, looking back at her paper. She had a whole sentence out of the 3 ft of parchment in front of her. She started writing and tried to think about what she could do to change her attitude. Then it hit her, she just needed to BS an answer and the rest would come with it. She wrote it pretty fast after that. However upon reading it afterwards she knew her mother could see through her facade. She rubbed her eyes as she tossed the parchment in the trash.

Remus didn't see her till he came up for lunch and saw a stack of balled up parchment overfilling the trash can. "Well, lunch is ready, and after lunch you and I are playing a round or two of chess." "Remus I appreciate what you are trying to do, it's just that I need to get this done and I've written hundreds of them and they all suck because I don't know how to fix something I don't have." He quickly yet calmly responded, "You don't think you have had an attitude lately?" He questioned trying to make sense of her logic. "No, I just think that my mom is being different then she normally is." Remus looked at her skeptically, "Care to elaborate." "Actually I don't because I am tired of the I still love you lectures. I know your trying to help, but maybe I am just acting as usual and now she is mad about it. For example I used to be able to be a little cheeky with her as long as she knew it was a joke, but now it's like every comment I make is being scrutinized. Then yesterday I wander off a little and Sev freaks out. I have walked through the castle loads of times and will be doing so without supervision in just a couple of weeks and everything is super uptight."

They stared at each other for a while and then Remus began to speak again, "She is just worried because in the last few days you have started a fight with the Malfoys, yelled at her, cussed, lied, put your life in danger, and had enough sarcastic comments that even McGonagall wouldn't be able to count them." "Yeah, I guess your right. It's just I feel like I am criticized for every little thing. I can't get one of these to make sense and then she is going to be made at me again. I don't want any lunch, my stomach hurts. "Phoenix," he said as he pulled her chin up to look at him again, "We are going to have some lunch and then we can talk about this and what you want to write. I am sure we will get through it together. Okay?" "I just don't want her to be mad at me again." "She won't if you do a good job, which I will help you with."

They ate lunch while talking about other things besides the essay because Remus knew it would upset her and she would not eat lunch if she was upset. Soon after lunch they began discussing the issues that Phoenix felt. Remus had to admit they had some legitimate merit to them. While she was very defensive lately, it sounds like Lily and Sev were being more strict when parenting together than Phoenix was used to.

It was a quiet afternoon at the Potter residence given that Phoenix was now upstairs finally writing the essay. Remus decided to resolve himself to a good book and wait for the 11 year old to come down the stairs. Once she did they enjoyed a couple of good hours together before Phoenix retreated back to her room.

Lily got home from work, looking as if she had just had a child again and had been up for days. "You look rough," Remus said. "Thanks, Mr. Point Out the Obvious A Lot," Lily retorted with a smile. "Not a problem, anything for a friend," came his witty reply. They both laughed, a few minutes later Severus got home and surveyed the scene.

"So where is our attitudinal issue?" Sev said after realizing her absence. "In her room, where she is hiding in case you are still mad at her," came Remus' calm reply. "That bad huh. oh my poor Love," said Lily. "I helped her with the essay, but she is feeling very self-conscious about it. I will tell you that she has felt highly criticized lately. She seems to feel like the two of you feed off one another in the punishment realm. You know how sensitive she is, I think she is just being defensive. She tried to lock herself in her room all day to write the essay, but I wouldn't let her."

"Thanks for coming Remus I know it wasn't easy. I am hopeful we can talk about this tonight so that she isn't feeling so bad." Lily said. "Usually she is such a joy," replied Remus, "Everyone has their bad times though. Once she got the essay done to her standards we actually had a good couple of hours, until she started getting nervous about you two coming home. Anyway, I will see you guys soon." Lily smiled giving him a quick hug before he left.

Lily and Sev looked at each other as if to question their next actions, just as they did they heard a set of feet coming down the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

When Phoenix saw them she stopped for a second and looked at them. Lily and Sev looked back eyebrows raised as if waiting to hear her next sarcastic comment instead she stared a quiet, "I was just wondering when dinner was going to be, but it looks like you just got back so I'll just head back upstairs for a while." "Actually, I'd like to talk to you for a bit if you are up to it?" Severus said. "Yeah, but I need to finish up my essay for Mum." "You didn't do it today?" "Uh, well I wrote a lot of them, but the final draft isn't quite done." "It can wait" said Lily liking her daughters attitude at the moment and thinking it was important to play the cards you had been dealt while you had them.

They all made their way to the living room, Lily and Sev still quite skeptical about the whole thing. Phoenix sat down looking at them wondering what was actually going on, after all weren't they mad at her. "We wanted to talk about your attitude as of late." Sev said matter of factly. "Oh," replied Phoenix. "I don't believe it represents who you are. Your attitude represents you heart, if your attitude stinks so does your heart. Do you understand that?" Lily said hoping she wouldn't get another defensive comment. "Yeah, I understand that," she replied. "Then may I ask why your attitude happens to be so prevalent?" Lily questioned. "Why do you automatically assume it is me who has the problem?" "There it is" said Sev. She looked down at her lap. "Is that why you don't have your essay done, you thought you didn't have to do it because you think you don't have one?" "No, I don't know why, and I don't know how to fix it." "I strongly disagree, I think it you dig a little deeper, you would come to a reason," said Sev. "I don't know. I tried, but I don't know. I just get mad a lot and defensive." "Well, if you can't figure it out and get yourself under control, maybe you aren't ready to go to Hogwarts, it might be best if you stay here another year and gain some maturity." "You can't do that!" Phoenix yelled back. "As a matter of fact, I can, and as a bonus if your attitude doesn't change I will make it so." Said Severus. "You won't do that; my mum won't let you!" "Actually, I support Sev on this, if you can't behave yourself then you obviously aren't ready to go off on your own." Lily said.

"Fine," said Phoenix with tears brimming on her eyes, "do whatever you want." Then she got up and left the room tears running down her face as she ran up the stairs. "Well that went well," said Lily. "Why have things been so dramatic recently?" replied Severus. "I don't know, but I feel like I should go and deal with the latest outburst, so I will be down in a while." Lily left Sev in the living room, heading upstairs to hopefully get through to her daughter. The trek to her daughter's room was far longer than it used to be so Lily had some time to think about the situation. She walked in her daughter's room and saw her sitting at her desk, but she could tell her daughter was crying by her ratcheting back movement. However when she looked closer she was working on her essay as well. Lily waited on her bed until her daughter noticed her. "How long have you been sitting there?" said Phoenix. "About as long as you have been up here," she said quietly, trying not to upset her daughter.

She waited a moment, trying to see if Phoenix was going to say anything, but she continued, "You didn't have to get that upset. We were just trying to put your attitude in perspective. It is not as if we told you we weren't allowing you to go. We were giving you a warning of the consequence for attitude if it continued." "Yeah whatever," Phoenix said. "No not whatever. Your attitude hasn't been chartable it has been so overbearing. I am tired of sarcasm and rude comments. I am tired of arguments and glares, quite frankly I don't want to be around you anymore, and neither does anyone else." "Then leave me alone and you won't have to deal with me." Phoenix choked out. "I am your mother, I would never just leave you." "I beg to differ," replied her daughter. "See, where did that statement come from? Do you think I have failed you in some way?" Asked Lily. "I don't want to talk about it." "Phoenix, I am sure it would be better if we discussed it. If you are mad at me about something, we can address it. Head-on, just like always." Phoenix shook her head. "Alright, well I think you should stay up here until you are ready to talk about it. It will give you time to think about what both Sev and I have said today."

.

A little while later Phoenix heard her door knob move and saw her mother walk in with her dinner, she set it next to her, but did not say anything. Phoenix hated how hungry she was, she wanted to shun the food in protest, but she hadn't hardly eaten anything all day so she ate everything she was given. She wished she had been given more. The night was boring after that, sitting on a bed for hours was not exciting. Her mother came up before she went to bed and said her goodnights. She attempted to get Phoenix to talk to her, but with no luck she retreated to her bed. Phoenix cried herself to sleep for what seemed like the millionth time recently, holding her knees tightly to her chest hoping that her mother would break down soon.

The morning came far too soon for everyone in the house. When Phoenix first got up she almost forgot the day prior's event, only to realize seconds in to her conscious state that things were in fact terrible. She sighed, she knew talking was the only way out of it, unless her mother began feeling terribly guilty and caved, but that wasn't going to happen, not with strict Sev around. She got up and locked her bedroom door and went back and sat down on her mattress. She didn't want to see her mother, it hurt too much.

Lily looked at Sev that morning and said, "I think it is going to be a long day." "I would have to agree with you my flower, but we both have work so let's put this out of our mind for a while. Who is coming to watch her today?" "Sirius, but he won't be happy that she will be sitting in her room all day. He doesn't do well with nothing to do, you know?" Sev replied back, "I am aware, but I am sure he can manage, maybe even she'll talk to him." "Not likely, but I guess we can try. I should bring her a bowl of cereal or something for breakfast before we go." "I would keep her life in her room as unglamorous as possible if you want to make a fast impact." "It just bothers me to make her go hungry" said Lily. "You don't have to make her go hungry, but it should be no frills." "Why does your advice always sound so good?" "Because it's right," replied Sev. "Isn't someone cocky this morning," Lily said half smiling. "Maybe I could use someone to put me in line," he said kissing her. "Sev I would love to do this, but I don't have time and I have too many mixed feelings about Phoenix right now to give you everything." "I understand don't worry about it, I never want to pressure you." "I really would love to." Said Lily, "but I just am not in the mood. I can't get Phoenix off my mind."

Lily walked upstairs with a bowl of cereal for her daughter, but when she tried to open the door she found herself locked out she knocked but got no answer. She quickly unlocked the door with magic, obviously her daughter knew she could, it was more of a statement that she didn't want her mother around. Lily took a deep breath and opened the door, she saw her daughter still sitting on the bed. She walked up to her placed the cereal down along with a change of clothes and a note, kissed the top of her daughter's head and left. Phoenix just stared at the cereal and instead this time willed herself not to eat it. She looked at the note, but wouldn't read it. She was annoyed, if her mom didn't have enough courage to talk to her than she certainly wasn't going to take the time out of her day to read it, so instead she set it under the bowl of now mushy cereal, so she didn't have to look at it.

Her stomach growled in protest, it got to the point where she almost ate that sloppy cereal, but she couldn't will herself to do it. She was laying on her bed looking at the ceiling when she heard a knock, she said nothing, expecting her mother or Sev to come in and want their bowl back, instead she saw Sirius. She smiled at the sight of a friendly face, but her smile faded as he came closer and sat next to her with a sad face. "I think we should talk about all this," said Sirius. "Please, I don't need another lecture," said Phoenix sadly. "I am not here to lecture you, I just want to spend some time with you, and the only way to do that is to overcome these issues." "Fine," she sighed. "Your mum has gone hard core on you, not talking to you, giving you mushy cereal." Sirius said waiting for a reply. "Well the cereal wasn't mushy when it got here." Phoenix replied sadly. "Then why didn't you eat it?" She just raised her eyebrows and he knew why, "Boycotting the food huh. You are too much like your father." "Is that a bad thing?" "It is in this context. He had a certain knack for trouble, one I was sure you didn't inherit until recently." "I don't know why everyone thinks the problems are all my fault. My mom would have never done this without Sev, he is too strict. She used to work with me now she just yells and punishes me. She doesn't even want me around." "That's not true and you know it." "Think what you like but she said so yesterday, she said she doesn't even want to be around me anymore." "That's different she was saying that she didn't want to be around when you had an attitude." "All the same she said it. The only reason she was mad was because Remus blew things way out of proportion as usual." "That was mean, Remus is my friend as well as your mothers, I would appreciate if you didn't talk about him like that. Also, you don't know what he said."

"I don't know how you stand behind him over me." "He is my best mate." "Maybe, but I'm your god-daughter and you never stand up for me like you do him." "Of course I do," said Sirius in reply. "I can't deal with this, if you are going to badger me like everyone else then I don't want to talk to you." "I am not badgering you, but you ripped into my best friend, wouldn't you stand behind yours." "I don't know, I've never had one because of my mother." "So now we blame her for that, you never have in the past." "It has never bothered me in the past, but living alone for a day changes your perspective." "I don't think your being fair to her, she is really upset by this you know." "If she is upset than she can call it off, it is all up to her." "So you aren't backing down," he replied. "I don't see a point in doing so."

"That's sad, I used to think you had your mother's heart, but obviously not if you know she is hurting that much and aren't doing anything to change it." "That's contradictory, she is doing the same thing to me and I don't see you questioning her values." "She is doing this because she cares." "Have you asked my reason for doing this, no." "Well your reason is evident in all the answers you gave me, you want to make her feel the pain you do, that is not in your mother's heart I can assure you." "Believe what you like, but it is still hypocritical for you to criticize me and not her." Sirius sat thinking for a moment, arguing with a girl who has a genius IQ was not working. "Well I didn't come to argue with you. I just wanted to keep myself from being bored, so why don't we talk about something else." "Like what?" "Like the fact that you leave for Hogwarts really soon." "I'm not going, didn't she tell you that. She said the other night that if I couldn't control my attitude than I couldn't go. Meaning to me that unless I can figure out what she wants and be perfectly complacent that I won't be going. Therefore, I won't be going." "Can she do that?" "Apparently." "It's probably because you were born minutes before you would have been put into the next year." "Whatever, either way, I'm screwed. As if it won't be boring enough going this year. Wait until I study for a whole other year, then it will just suck. So now I have two years of suck coming my way, isn't that great?" "I don't think she would do that to you she is just trying to get you to work on your attitude." Phoenix just shrugged.

"So, your mom didn't tell me why she imprisoned you to your room." "Well, we got into an argument about some things." "Things like…" he waited. "Things like my attitude. All I did was tell him I wasn't hungry and needed to work on the essay my mum assigned me. Then, the second he leaves I am getting lectures and threats. Then I questioned her leaving me and she wanted an explanation. I refused. Here I am and will be forever more." "A little dramatic, don't you think." "I am not explaining something that I didn't do. Plus, once I do, she will just punish me anyway." "Well, I am assuming he is Remus, but Phoenix I don't think he said anything to them. It wasn't mentioned to me. Also, I heard nothing about punishment following an explanation. I think you might be seeing this wrong." "All she does since Sev got here is punish me." "I can understand how you would see it that way. Alright, well your mum told me I couldn't entertain you too much, so I should go before she incarcerates me," he said with a wink.

When he got outside of the door he sighed and ran his hands down his face. That child really was a handful. It was odd that she just woke up one day and decided she was going to have an Attila the Hun attitude. He knew there was a reason, but she wasn't really letting it out, other than she was obviously mad at her mother. He was going to see Remus.

Remus heard his floo and walked into his living room. "Sirius?" "Sorry for barging in, I was just wondering why my god-daughter has some serious anger issues regarding you and your definition of attitude?" "What is she saying?" "That all she asked was to be left alone so she could write her essay for her mother." "I guess that's true, but I never said she had an attitude. I told her mother that she was having a rough day, but had been pleasant overall. She was really nervous about them coming home yesterday." "I understand that, she is just really frustrated about it because she doesn't think what she did warrants the punishment she is getting." "Lily punished her?" "I am not sure if it was meant to be punishment, but basically Phoenix refused to talk to Lily about her attitude, things escalated, and she has now been in her room ever sense." "Lily usually isn't one to punish as a first option. I didn't think she would with what I told her. I never meant to get her in trouble." "I sort of figured. I'm not even sure if you are actually what prompted the conversation, but Phoenix took a couple of jabs at you when I talked to her, of course I called her on them, all the same I am worried about how frustrated she is. I know how her magic and her anger can get out of control when she doesn't tell people about how she has been feeling." "I definitely understand that concern. Why don't I come over and apologize for getting her in trouble and see if we can get somewhere?" "I don't think we will, but let's give it a whirl." Said Sirius smiling in reply.

As they walked towards her room they began to panic inside. What if they just made it worse? Sirius knocked on her door then opened it slightly, "Hey can I come in?" "Can't you tell I have so many plans." She said with a quick laugh. He walked in with Remus behind him then Phoenix became quite a bit more uptight. "I'm not here to scold you." Said Remus sweetly. "Oh" was the only reply he received. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble. That was never my intention and I am sorry that you are. Your mom usually isn't this harsh with you. I thought what I said was positive. I told her you had finished the essay and were nervous about them getting home. I am sorry it escalated, and you are being punished." "Me too," said Phoenix sadly. "Can I have a hug? Will you forgive me?" "I can't forgive you, you didn't do anything wrong." Remus smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "I can put in a good word for you with your Mum if you want." "No its fine I can handle her." "I don't want you to be punished if you don't have to be." "She'll decide I need the spanking just for the way I talked to her when she told me I wasn't going to Hogwarts, it doesn't really matter. She won't back down." "I bet she will she has never been particularly keen on punishing you." "That was before she was engaged to Sev." "Ah, he turned your mom into a stickler for the rules?" Said Sirius. "You have no idea. That's my issue with all this, she would have never acted like this before. I'm not saying I haven't had a bit of an attitude lately, it's just she has become really overzealous on the punishment thing. So instead, I've spent my time trying to figure out where our relationship stands." "I'm sorry," said Remus. "She just keeps getting rid of me, or making me be watched like a 5 year old. I just don't understand how I can go from being treated like an adult to like a child. Then she says I act like one, well if that's what you try to make me then that is what I'll be. Plus, she has a new best friend now." "Not very good at sharing are we Scout?" asked Remus before putting her on his lap and holding her for a while. "How about we talk to your mom when she gets home?" "No then you will be in the dog house. She will say I put you up to it." Phoenix said sliding off of Remus' lap and into her bed going back to her almost fetal position. Sirius got down on the bed and started rubbing her back.

"Promise me you won't say anything other than we had a good chat." "Okay, we had a good chat, but Phoenix, your mum won't punish you if she understood how you are feeling." "I know but this is between me and her, not you and her." "I will do as you ask then." The rest of the day was quiet but he refused to let her day be miserable, so he brought a chess set up and ate lunch with her. He was sure that Severus would be against it, but he didn't much care, he didn't want to leave her. There came a point however when it became imperative that he go downstairs as to not alert her mother of his failings in making her life miserable; Remus of course went with him.

Severus and Lily got home within minutes of each other to find Remus and Sirius talking quietly and drinking tea. "Could I have some of that?" Asked Sev. "No, you can't drink your own tea," replied Sirius with a smirk. "So how did your day go with my attitude, I mean daughter?" Asked Lily. "Great actually, we had a really good talk about things and she had a really good talk with Remus as well because after we got done she wanted to talk to him," said Sirius. "Good," Lily replied, "I just hope she continues this attitude when I go up and give her the punishment she deserves, because I am not putting up with another day of misery like this."

"Lily, she told me not to beg on her behalf, but I think there is more too this than meets the eye. She is really struggling with you and Sev's relationship. She won't talk to you about it for reasons I don't understand. I feel like you might be looking at this wrong." Said Remus. "My daughter was disrespectful and threw a tantrum yesterday. I wanted to give her a chance to talk about things, but she missed the opportunity. Remus, this is not about you or how she treated you. It is about what happened after you left," Lily replied. "She is your child Lily, and you may do as you like with her when it comes to punishment but I think your wrong." With that Remus and Sirius looked at each other bid a quick good bye and left.

When they got to Sirius' house they both got themselves a drink and looked at each other. "I feel so bad for her," said Remus. "Lily seems set to punish her either way". "I feel like this is all my fault, mate". "Remus, it is not your fault, you just told Lily what happened, you didn't expect her to respond in this manner." "I know, but what happens when she gets punished, she is going to hate me." Remus replied solemnly. "She could never hate you." "You're my best friend, you have to say that." They spent some time in the silence meanwhile the Potter-Snape household was not nearly as quiet.

"She is getting punished tonight, I am not having another dreadful day, so she can continue her temper tantrum. I don't care if she agrees it is what is going to happen." "You need to calm down first though. You don't want to punish her angry." "The only reason I am frustrated is because she doesn't listen, nor do as I ask. I really don't care if I punish her angry at this point." "But you will regret it afterwards. So we are both going up there, we will tell her that it isn't her choice, that she can come and take her punishment, or she can get three times her punishment if she fights us. We will both be present and I will be there to back you up, although you will do the actual punishing." "Do I have a say in this matter?" "Do you see a better way," Severus replied. "No, I guess this plan sounds as good as any," she said with a sigh. "It will be okay, I'll be there, we will get through this, afterwards everyone will feel better."

They walked upstairs, their hands interlocked, slowly but surely, they got to the room, hoping this would be the last time anytime soon they would open this door with hesitation. They didn't see Phoenix right when they walked in and Lily prayed that she hadn't run off again. "Phoenix", she called. "I am in the restroom I'll be out in just a second." Phoenix realized that the first words she had spoken to her mother in a day and a half had to be about her going to the bathroom. She of course walked out moments later, seeing Sev and her mom in the room along with two armless chairs really concerned her. However, she mustered up enough courage to walk over in front of both of them without being asked. Although there was no eye contact involved everyone sort of had that awkward feeling, everyone just sort of stood there for a moment, then Severus transfigured another chair and sort of nodded at it to show her the need to sit in it. She did so slowly and as she did she looked up for the first time since their entrance.

Once she did she held her gaze although there was no arrogance to be seen behind those eyes, none at all thought Severus. This was not what he expected, but he waited for Lily to being, "Here is how this is going to go, I am going to speak, you are not to interrupt, or comment, when I am done, you will have your turn to speak. We will go on this way until our differences are settled. At the end of the conversation you will take any punishment we deem appropriate. The doors are locked, none of us are leaving until this has been dealt with. Do you understand?" "Yes," the short reply came, Lily watched her daughter involuntarily squirm when punishment was brought up.

"Now, over the last 24 hours I have realized that you are certainly far more stubborn than I thought. Not only that, but your attitude problem is also far bigger than I thought. This afternoon Remus told me how he felt about me punishing you, he said you didn't prompt him, but I know how those eyes work, I have a pair just like them. I know you manipulated him into thinking what you wanted, for you are far too cunning for your own good. I know what I said about Hogwarts upset you, but I gave you an uncomplicated way for that option to never be your reality, just behave yourself. Yet, so far things have only gotten worse from there. Perhaps, you would like me to make good on my threat" She paused for a moment. "But Mum that's entirely" but she was cut off by a frank Severus, "You can make those comments when it is your turn to speak." Phoenix looked down at the scolding. "Now, I have had it with attitude, I would like to know where it is coming from, but I tried the nice way and obviously that is not working. I know you are strong, smart, courageous, kind, but these things haven't come through at all recently and it concerns me. This is why I don't feel comfortably allowing you to leave, you cannot take out your feelings on others just because they are available. You have not shown me any degree of maturity over the last couple of weeks. Sev and I are trying to make this work, we tried to be easy on you and I know you have a lot to process right now, but the way you are treating others is unacceptable. Then you get mad about the definition of attitude and decide I don't deserve an explanation. I want to help you; I want to cuddle with you in the living room. I want to see you go to Hogwarts and have friends; I do not, however, like making your life miserable, I hate doing so in fact, so work with me a little. I don't like being the strict parent, but if it will make your life better than that is what I will do. It is now your turn to speak."

"Before I start my official no comment ranting time can I ask a question?" "Certainly," Lily replied. "Is anything I say going to change what will happen after." "No," said Lily without a second thought. "Okay then I'm done." Lily frowned, "The idea is to get everything out on the table." "I don't have anything." Lily sighed, she always had to make things difficult. "Alright then, bare your bum and come over hear." There was a hesitation that was noticed by all three of them. But Phoenix did exactly as she was told; standing by her mother's side she contemplated whether or not this was working in her favor but she could tell her mother's bravado was wavering. She shook standing at her mother's side those green eyes partially stone cold, but also pleading as if it might help.

Her mom silently grabbed her arms and pulled her over her lap. The punishment was about as hard as Lily could bear to make it and it was obviously the worst of the child's life, it felt like there had been a lot of firsts and worsts lately. The bottom in front of Lily was angry that was certain, but she also felt there was something she should do to make this more memorable, so instead of letting her daughter's sobs completely end and holding her, she led her to the corner put her hands on her head and whispered, "No rubbing, I'll let you know when you can come out." Phoenix just stood and sobbed wondering what would happen if she touched that very painful posterior, but she didn't dare risk it. She couldn't take a single swat after the smacking she just got. She just stood sobbing, Lily waited a solid half hour before saying, "Okay Scout, you can come out now." She expected her daughter to go straight to her throbbing bum, but instead turned around, hands still on her head and just looked at her mom. It was the same look that used to get her out of all kinds of trouble as a kid, Lily let a tear flow out of her eye as she opened her arms towards her daughter.

Phoenix shook her head slightly wrapping her arms around her stomach yet again and holding on to her hips with her hands. Her mom looked at her and said, "No more of that, come here. I know your upset with yourself, don't feel guilty, come on over." She coaxed her daughter praying silently that the reaction would be what she craved, a bone crushing hug, but Phoenix always had to make things difficult. "I am not upset with myself and I don't feel guilty. I just want to be left alone, and I would appreciate it if you would depart." "Scout I am not leaving; you are upset, and I want to help." "If you wanted to help you would have listened. You wouldn't have written me off as a loss a day ago. You wouldn't have forced me into taking a punishment I disagree with. You keep saying you want to cuddle and be the nice easy-going parent, but if you wanted that then you would make it so. Just like right now, you wanted me to be punished, and you made it happen." "I am sorry you feel that way," Lily said letting all of her pent up sadness roll down her face in the form of tears. "Obviously not, if you were you wouldn't have let it go this far," Phoenix said her eyes and face now stone cold. "Why wouldn't you tell me this when I gave you the opportunity?" "Like you said. "Why would I? None of it was going to change your actions, so why waste me breath."

"I just I don't know what to do with you anymore." "Don't know what to do with me, why don't you try treating me like you did before Sev and you got engaged, like I might be able to do something by myself. Why don't you try not jumping to conclusions and then straight to punishment? Even Remus doesn't think I should be punished for this, and FYI I told him not to tell you because I knew what you would say. Guess what, as usual, I was right. Everyone says your heart is so big, so loving, but that is bull. Your heart is just as bad as all the other cruel people in the world you just have a smile on so no one sees it coming. If you think I will work for your approval, you are nuts. I don't want it, I don't want the approval of a mean skank, so go on and walk out of the room, punish me, keep me from Hogwarts, do whatever you please, because at the end of the day I am still better than you." Phoenix stopped her rant with her chest pulsing, her finger pointed at the door, her mother crying, and her soon to be step-father looking as if he was a word away from strangling her. Lily left immediately after, she had gotten the point. Severus however walked towards Phoenix menacingly, but she stood her ground, when he got in front of her he grabbed her by her shirt got in her face and whispered, "You think you are better than us? That is just fine you can sit in here until you feel otherwise. I would suggest you change your attitude and quickly before I decide you need a second dose." They just looked at one another for a moment, then Severus left with his robes billowing behind him.

Phoenix grabbed a bag and stuffed it full of clothes before grabbing her owls and her secret bag of money. She glanced around her room before climbing out the window. She didn't know where she would go, but she knew she couldn't be here.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking in the heat was a bit more taxing then she thought, apparently she should have been working out more. It was hot and muggy, but where to go. Remus would tell her mom, Sirius would tell Remus, and there was no hope at all with McGonagall. Maybe she should go to Aunt Petunia's, she wouldn't care, in fact she would love that it would piss her sister off. However, that would make her escape miserable, that was no good. If she wanted to be miserable she would have stayed. What to do, she thought. She could take the Night Bus to Hogsmeade then sneak into Hogwarts, get food in the kitchens, wait it out until school started, at that point her mother would be desperate to see her and would do anything to appease her. She would be sorted before her mother could do anything against her. That was a terrible idea, she would be found, Severus would lose his mind, too much could go wrong. This was far more complicated than expected.

She finally decided to just keep walking for a while. As the sun went down she knew it was time to make a decision. She decided, while miserable, at least Aunt Petunia's was safe, she would have a roof over her head and enough time to come up with a better plan. Of course, in the long run she was planning to expel her mother and Severus from the home that was rightfully hers, however in order to do that she would have to be emancipated, something by law she couldn't do till she was 15. She hadn't thought this through quite as much as she thought. Once when she threatened to run away her mother made her right an essay to try and see all that went into away, but nothing had prepared her for all these complications. She held out her hand and created a perfect ball of light. Her owls had perched in a tree near by. Reality hit, she realized that all she had were those two and a bag of things that she was unaware what was actually in it. The night bus came just as expected. She told the driver where she would like to be transported to and they were off. Before she departed she said, "You are to tell no one where you dropped me off." Not that she had them drop her off exactly at her aunts, but her mother was not stupid, she could put 2 and 2 together and come to 4.

She knocked on the door and heard Dudley yell, "Dad get the door." Vernon waddled towards it, Phoenix knew it must be him given that the door was shaking. "What do you want?" he began, "Oh, it's you. Petunia get in here!" She of course ran to the door, seeing her niece she said, "What are you doing here?" "My mother and I had an argument, I have nowhere else to go." "Nowhere else to go that will not tell your mother you mean," she said with a sneer. "Maybe, but your family and I need somewhere to stay, just for the night, not long term." "Fine you can use the guest room you little freak, but when I get up in the morning I want you and those freakish creatures out of here." "Yes ma'am," she replied.

When she got to the room she looked through the quickly packed bag, still having not sat down since her spanking, although she felt her poor bum probably couldn't take the pressure. Inside the bag she found two pairs of underwear, two pairs of socks, one pair of jeans, one shirt, and a set of pajama's. She sighed, well life was rough, but she could manage. She could always sneak back into the house and claim her stuff later, she thought. She fell into a restless sleep only to find herself awoken early as to scramble out before her aunt noticed her presence.

Picking up her walking adventure yet again, she started to realize what a bad idea this still loved her mom. She didn't want to hurt her, but Lily wouldn't listen to her, wouldn't respect Phoenix. Maybe there was a better way to work this out than this. A night alone, even with family was pure torture. As she decided that heading back was a good option she saw the Night Bus, she wasn't quite ready to face her mother just yet, but apparently it was going to happen. She saw her mother basically jump out of the bus and start chasing after her, Phoenix continued walking as if she wasn't there. When her mother got to her, she wrapped her arms around her and said, "Thank Merlin, your okay, your fine." Phoenix made no return of affection, and when her mother backed off a little she could see the hurt in the green eyes that matched hers. "I can't fix it if you don't talk to me." "You won't listen." Lily looked almost shell shocked, "Of course I'll listen. In fact, I will duct tape my mouth while you talk if you want. I just can't believe you left like that. Severus and I have been looking for you all over. The Night Bus wouldn't tell me anything. Oh, Sev, I need to tell him I found you, so he stops looking." "Let him look. He wanted me gone anyway, so let him worry and look." "He didn't want you to leave, he was just tired of your attitude." She responded, "I never want to see him ever again. I don't really want to see you now." "Then close your eyes because I am not leaving. I knew something had to happen in order for you to want to stay with Petunia." "She was nice enough," Phoenix replied, "I left her a thank you note just before I left."

"Why don't we sit and talk," said Lily changing back to the subject at hand, "we can go to the park, or the mall, or a restaurant, wherever you like. I just want to talk this through." "I don't really want to," but Phoenix was cut off, "You didn't want to talk about it before and it put both of us in a bad place. Therefore we will talk about it, but we can take it slow." Lily might have interrupted her daughter but her voice remained quite pleasant.

Phoenix shrugged, "I guess we can try." "Good, are you hungry?" "I guess, could we eat then talk. It might help me digest my food, and I need some time to think." "We could do that, but I am sending Severus something to tell him I found you." She didn't really make a gesture at that but just waited for her mother's action. Phoenix briefly saw her mother's silver doe, but said nothing. "Okay love let's grab something to eat."

They went and got some really good salads and they had a quiet meal, they had the occasional small talk, but nothing much. Her mother kept reaching her arm over and rubbing Phoenix's back. Every time she flinched and it made Lily quite afraid of the conversations that were about to take place, at this point they were both nervous. After they had officially finished eating, Lily ordered some tea and some desert, even though they either of them hardly ever ate things like this she thought it might soften her daughter up a little. When they got there Phoenix and Lily locked eyes for a moment and Lily could see the hurt, the pain, she was just hoping she could say the right thing. "Where do you want to start Scout?"

"I guess we could start back at the Hogwarts thing." Lily nodded hoping her daughter would continue without too much prompting, although she hoped she meant when she got in trouble, not about not going, but that would be the easy way. "Well I just feel like going to school shouldn't be considered a privilege, and I just think that I am just as ready as the rest of my classmates to go. It is not as if I will have no supervision and I think I can handle it. It just doesn't seem fair for you to tell me I can't go to school. I just feel like you are looking for an excuse to keep me at home. Which is why I think you have been overly harsh towards me as far as punishment is concerned recently. I just don't know why we went from a team to a dictatorship. Not only that, but now Sev is down my throat all the time, and I said I would work with him, but he has made no attempt to work with me. I don't have friends, I have you and him, and a couple other adults, and my owls and my stuff. I know you are trying to make me better, but you keep saying how I act like a child, but that is the only option you are currently giving me. I just don't know why everything changed all the sudden. I know you are engaged, but that shouldn't have changed everything so much. Then you wouldn't even listen to me, you wanted me to talk to you before you punished me, but you were never going to listen because it didn't matter what I said. I am not a criminal, I don't need to be treated as such. I just can't be me anymore, not around you. I feel like I have to put on a façade or face punishment. I don't know what you want me to say."

"Phoenix you just said a lot, so why don't we go through this one at a time. I might have been looking for an excuse to keep you home. Not consciously, but maybe sub-consciously. I didn't see myself judging you too harshly and for that I am sorry. I am also sorry you saw our relationship change so dramatically. I can understand how that could be very frustrating and this is something I would like to fix immediately, no matter what the cost. As far as not working with you, I think that pretty much goes along with my attitude towards you recently. I hope you can forgive me for that. Moving forward we need to work out this communication error that keeps occurring. I have an idea that might help, so we'll give it a try."

"Can we just pretend these last few days never happened?" "No, because it did happen, and I don't want it to happen again. You are leaving for school in less than two weeks and I want to overcome these issues before you do so. Phoenix we have had a rough time lately, but you are amazing. I know you have a lot of talent with magic, you have had control over your magic since you were very young. You have always been able to things with it that amaze me. You also have one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen, you want to help others so much that you feel your feelings are best kept quiet because you would rather not hurt others. You are far better of a daughter then I deserve, I see how wonderful you are every day and it makes me wonder what I did to deserve you. However, with as big as your heart is, you need to know that I am here to talk to. You aren't going to hurt me by letting me carry some of that burden. You probably don't want to hear this, but even as mature as you are, you are still a child, and I want to keep you that way for as long as possible. The only way I can try to do that is to get you to trust me with some of these issues, it will never be a burden for you to come to me. I want that for you, I don't want you to struggle to deal with all these feelings, I can help you get through this and will never turn you away for trying to talk to me." "I know," replied Phoenix. "No, your head knows, but your heart doesn't because if your heart did, then you would have come to me before you melt down. Something that we continue to struggle with."

"I guess," at her daughters response Lily frowned a bit. Phoenix began again, "Am I going to be punished?" "I think we have both been punished enough recently," Lily responded before she even thought about it." Phoenix nodded. "Why don't we go home and I can tell you my idea, then you can get a shower and we can cuddle and talk for a bit." Soon after this statement they got home and Phoenix went directly to the couch while Lily asked Sev to leave for a while, that is until Phoenix was ready to work things out with him. When Lily walked back into the room she saw her daughter curled up on the couch, knees on her chest. Lily sat next to her and pulled her onto her lap, hoping there would be no resistance, there wasn't. Phoenix pushed into her, as if attempting to get as close as possible. Lily just held onto her daughter, there were no tears shed, but Lily could tell they needed to be. "Come on Scout, just let it out." Lily held on for a while, waiting for the dam to break down. All the sudden she heard it, a low deep sob, one that Lily knew all too well. It sounded much like the one she had used when James had passed away. Luckily she also knew how to handle it, there was almost a rule book to this kind of sobbing. Mainly, she wasn't to say anything, but she did have to make her presence and comfort known. Sometimes it helped to wrap a blanket around her daughter. This sounds extensive, but with as sensitive as her daughter was, she had done this a few times. When her daughter was done they could talk.

It took awhile, but Lily never even thought of letting go of her daughter. Finally, she heard the sobs subside, she summoned a damp warm washcloth and picked her daughters chin up and wiped her face off. "There we are, much better." Lily whispered, then she kissed her on the forehead and then waited. "I just want to be normal. I want to go play with my friends and not have to worry about all this stuff. I don't want to feel awkward at school because I am friends with my professors. I don't want to be amazing. I just want to be average, in fact slightly under average would be preferred, then no one would care. I feel like there is so much pressure for me to be perfect. You want me to behave well, but it is more than that, if the general population learned that I am not actually that good, but just lucky, then where would we be. I'm just tired of being pushed into being something I am not. I am not the savior of the wizarding world. I'm not special. I am just an ordinary girl. I am sick and tired of all these expectations that I can't meet. I just feel like I am failing everybody all the time." Lily just looked at her daughter for a second, "Oh love, I don't care if you meet those ridiculous expectations, I want you to behave yourself, but I don't care about that stuff, and you shouldn't either. I know you want to be normal, but I can't make you so, I am sorry that I made life so hard for you, I wish I could take it back, but I can't." "I know, I shouldn't complain. I am just sick and tired of being special, of being judged, of being stared at." "You let them stare, they will never be as good as you are, that's why they judge anyway." "Or maybe I will just never be as good as the expectations." "You already are, that is why they keep coming up with more. With this said, I am sorry I have been adding to that list so much lately." "You're supposed to, you are my mom, I am supposed to live up to your expectations. I am just tired of the little comments, or looks. I feel like an animal at the zoo." "I'm sorry I can't fix it," Lily said. "I know, me too."

Lily knew that was about as far as she could push her daughter at the moment, she was just tired. They needed some time to relax and think about things. "We can talk later about the other stuff. I think were both talked out. So why don't you go take a shower, I will start dinner, then we can hang out down here." Phoenix nodded, and Lily decided to say one more thing, "Don't let them get to you Love, your bigger then they are."

Phoenix walked down towards the kitchen and sat at the bar facing where her mother was cooking. She started to rub her temples, not only was she tired but emotionally drained. She didn't want to talk, eat, play chess or any other activity, she just wanted to sit and wallow in self-pity, but there was no way her mother was to allow that.

"Phoenix, Phoenix," she snapped out of her trance like state and saw her mother right in front of her. "Why don't we go to the living room and we can just hang out for a while. I can do your hair and nails if you want." Phoenix nodded tiredly. As they walked Lily asked, "What do you want me to do with your hair?" "Oh, uh, it doesn't really matter." Usually Phoenix was quite picky about her hair, so this response was sort of concerning. However, Lily was sure she wasn't ready to talk again so she just started slowly going through her hair. She took her time, this wasn't about Phoenix looking pretty but giving them a chance to do something together. She wondered what was going on in her daughters head. Phoenix just sat on the couch limp, her mom asked her a couple of questions, but all she would say were quiet "yeahs."

When Lily had finished she looked back at her daughter who was just sitting their, almost like a zombie. "Scout, I know you don't really want to talk any more, but I think we should clear up what we talked about earlier." "Which talk?" "The one about expectations." "Oh, it's fine it's not a big deal," she commented. "If it has you that upset I feel it is a very big deal." "I am just never going to meet those standards and I have to get used to it. I am just not used to letting people down like this all the time. It is what it is." "No, its not, their opinions of how you should be don't matter. In fact, my opinions don't really matter at the end of the day. I don't want you to judge yourself on those, not for a second. That stuff will eat you alive if you don't," she finished, almost pleading with her daughter. "I'll be fine, its not that big of a deal anyway." "It is if it bothers you. I want to talk to you about something. When I was 15, I was having a really rough time with friends, and with my sister. My housemates made fun of me for being around Sev, my sister thought I was a freak. Basically I was struggling, by the end of the year I was really depressed. Your dad found me at my lowest point and he wrapped his arms around my waste. He talked to me for the rest of the night and then talked me into going and seeing Madame Pomfrey. She got me some potion to get through the next few days while I saw a therapist. Scout, I see that girl I was at that point in you right now, you won't talk to me or anyone else and it scares me. I want to help, I don't want to ever see you the way I was. I can't protect you if you don't let me help." "I didn't mean to worry you, I just feel like there is no one looking for the good things I do. I just feel like I am under an overly enlarged microscope. You are normally the only person who can focus on what I am good at and lately I just feel like you are just as judgmental as everyone else." "I didn't want you to feel that way. I am here for you no matter what. I wasn't judging you, I just wanted you to follow the rules better." "Yeah, I know, its just you used to go about that differently."

"As we talked about earlier that is doing to change," Lily said. "You said you had some kind of idea, what was that?" "Oh, well I want us to have more open communication, so I thought we could make a thought box and then when you feel something you can write it down and put it in the box and then that night we can talk about them. Obviously, if you want to talk right then we can, but I thought this would give you another less stressful opportunity." "We could try it," Phoenix replied. "Why don't we make a cool looking box for it. I mean, we could just use a basket, but that wouldn't be any fun."

They spent quite a bit of time just having fun and decorating a box for their thoughts. All the sudden the kitchen timer went off, "Ah time flies when your having fun. I'll go finish up dinner why don't you get washed up and grab the dishes." "Okay," said Phoenix. They were both feeling a lot better over all, Lily prayed it would last. Phoenix settled into her mother's arms in her bed. Perhaps things were looking up after all.


	7. Chapter 7

The feeling of her mother's arms enveloped her heart as she awoke the next morning. Why did everything have to be so complicated, why couldn't she stay here forever? She didn't move but stayed with her mother in bed, she wasn't planning on moving until her mother forced her to do so, although with those pretenses set neither of them might ever move. Eventually however they did get out of bed, Lily took her shower while Phoenix made breakfast. However, while she was making breakfast a certain visitor showed up, the minute she saw him she tensed involuntarily. "Hi," was all she whispered. "Can we talk?" "I thought my mom asked you to step back for a couple of days." "She did, and I agreed and if you tell me to leave now I will go." "You don't have to do that." "I just want to talk, that's all." "I don't want to do that, but you can stay and maybe after breakfast we can try." Then he looked behind her and saw the pans that were out, "Oh, I can help," he replied. She nodded.

Together they made some omelets and fresh juice. Lily walked down and smiled as she saw them. "Look no one has even lost an eye or a limb, I am so proud," she stated. Phoenix just turned around and looked at her mother. "We ready to eat, I'm starving!" said Lily.

Phoenix sat on one side of her mother with Sev on the other. She didn't say much, but Severus knew they had a long talk ahead. Lily and Sev knew she didn't want to talk to them, but they also knew it was for the best to get things out of the way. After all, this whole issue was about Sev, whether or not any of them were ready to talk about it that way. When everyone had finished Lily said, "I am going to do the dishes, why don't you go talk?" Sev and Phoenix just looked at each other for a moment; Phoenix shrugged but got up and headed towards the living room.

Sev sat down as close to her as he could get, but he could tell she made a point to sit as far away as possible from the other furniture. He just waited, trying to feel her out, but apparently, he waited too long because he heard a very blunt, "I told my Mum I didn't want to see you." "Yeah, she told me to leave for awhile." "Why didn't you listen?" Phoenix said right before her mother walked in. "Well, I did leave for a while didn't I." "Not long enough, it wasn't even 24 hours." "Are you asking me to leave?" "No, you can stay." "Well, the thing I told you earlier still applies, if you ask me to leave I will go, no questions asked," Severus prayed she wouldn't even as he offered his parameters he questioned it. Phoenix said nothing, she just sat there and looked at her mom's feet, like somehow those shoes were going to make it all better. "You have been through a lot, I also know that you are pretty sensitive because of it. I don't know near as much about you as I thought I did. Your mother obviously knows a lot more. Can you forgive me?" "Yeah," she replied. "I also would like to maybe get an apology from you, I know my behavior hasn't been stellar, but your responses haven't really been either. So, I can give you the same pardon you gave me in exchange for an apology." "I'm not doing quid pro quo." she said back in a stone-cold voice. "You're not sorry about," but she cut him off, "I am sorry that I hurt you and disrespected you. But I'm not apologizing so you feel like were even, because were not. I forgive you, but I don't think I can trust you in an authoritative role for awhile yet." "I appreciate your apology and I understand your reasoning. I will work towards earning back you trust." Things were quiet and calm for a few minutes, "Do you want to play chess?" Said Phoenix trying to ease the tension, Sev responded, "Of course!"

They played quite a few intense games, Sev knew he had pushed the limits as much as he could. She beat him twice and he beat her twice, so they were even. He knew what the underlying problem was; Phoenix cared a lot about what other people thought, but more so than that she cared about what her mother thought and what he thought. When they were not completely supportive of her choices, it ate at her inside. He just needed to keep this in mind in the heat of the moment.

The day went on without incident; Lily and Sev went to their bed and things were much better than they had been in a long time.

"Come on, you would think I was getting my first wand at the rate your going," Lily sighed, she began to wonder if her daughter was stressed about this since it seemed to be that every time this moment came her daughter and her had an altercation. "I'm coming! Hold on, I need about two minutes more," Phoenix all but yelled down the stairs. After two minutes she came barreling down the stairs, hair in perfect order, as well as her outfit. Although these items were normally well put together she put extra care into them today. Her mother simply raised an eyebrow as she walked by, "Are you taking lessons from Sev or something?" Lily looked at her daughter in fake shock, "Well of all the cheek from an over dressed young lady." "I wanted the moment to be perfect." "Yes, well I can see that, you must remember, however, that as much as you want it to be perfect, nothing is. You aren't, nor is the world, I am starting to think that some of this pressure is coming from an internal source, yes?" "No, I am fine. I can control how I look, besides you're the one who said you can never be overdressed or overeducated," Phoenix promptly remarked. "I guess I did, I just don't want you putting too much on yourself. You leave for school in a few more days and I know that will be a big change." "Well I'm ready, your just in lecture mode." Phoenix said with a smirk. "You are probably right." They flooed to Diagon Alley. Phoenix had asked for it to be a mother-daughter thing because she had always dreamt of the moment between the two of them. Of course, Sev had no problem obliging.

Stepping up to Olivander's door was something she had wanted for years, but never imagined being this scary. She grabbed the door and opened it allowing her mother to follow behind. Olivander suddenly came out from around the corner and Phoenix jumped. "Ah Ms. Potter, I have been contemplating whether you would come. Aren't you cutting it a bit close. I started to question if you had gone somewhere else, but obviously not. Well come forward to the counter then." As soon as she did, he started taking measurements, humming while he did so which lead to Phoenix making funny faces at her mother a couple of times. He finally ran behind the counter awkwardly, bringing a wand over. "This is walnut eleven and one quarter inches pretty firm, mermaid hair." Phoenix began to pick it up and without moving it the front windows of the shop shattered. "Hmm, well I thought that would do it, maybe it was too firm. Obviously not for you. That was a very strong aversion. I remember every wand I have ever sold Ms. Potter, as well as every incompatible one and that was the strongest inadvertent incompatibility in a long time." "What does that mean sir, I mean for me?" "It means that there is a wand that will work and when it does, the wizarding world better watch out because you are quite a talented little witch." Phoenix looked over at her mother, "It's a good thing your wand didn't do that when I used it." "It didn't do that because you were not fully developed magically yet. It could have though, which is why it was dangerous, or do you not remember that conversation?" Lily said with a smirk. "No, I remember it well," chuckled Phoenix. Olivander came over once more this time holding three boxes. This time her mother had her wand out just in case.

"This is ebony twelve inches, unicorn hair, from a baby female, quite a confident one actually." Picking it up almost with hesitation the minute her fingers touched it the wand itself burst into flame. Wand after wand was tried each one another chaotic response. Olivander finally plopped down in his chair, "Well all be damned I have been outdone." "I didn't mean to sir." "Child, it isn't your fault, I just have never been stumped." "You said the wand chooses the wizard right. What if none of them work?" All the sudden he jumped out of his chair and ran over to a locked glass cabinet filled with very interesting wands. Then he promptly bound back over to Phoenix holding it out, her mother nudged her to get her to pick it up. The second she grabbed it the whole shop went back to perfect condition, maybe better than it had been when she started the adventure. "There it is, curious really. You have a knack for wand lore Ms. Potter. That there is the weirdest wand I have ever made. I considered it a failed experiment. It is exactly eleven and eleven sixteenths inches with a core made of phoenix feather." "Why is it curious though sir." "It is curious because you are, that phoenix gave two feathers, one in your hand, a failed, or apparently not so failed experiment. The other gave you that scar." "You mean to say that Voldemort had the other, or still does somewhere." "Unfortunately, you are correct," Olivander said at a near whisper. "Why was this an experiment then sir?" "Ah that is the part that makes this questionable. It is Whomping Willow, very rare, powerful, yet equally temperamental. I must warn you I have no idea how this wand will work. Like I said it is an experiment. Your mother's wand is very good at charm work, your father's was very strong, although not quite as delicate. This one could be one thing or another; I am not sure. What I can tell you is that it favors you. I would however suggest not picking it up when you are feeling particularly angry or sad as I have a feeling it might react without direct command." "Thank you Mr. Olivander," said Phoenix. "Now as I made that wand so long ago merely on a trial basis, it is free. I would love for you to come back every year you get school supplies and check-in, so we can talk about it." "Yes sir, of course I will." "One thing is for sure Phoenix Potter, that you will do great things, just like its brother. While we may not agree with Voldemort's methods there is no denying he did things that were great." She simply nodded and they walked out. The wand in her hand was so detailed, it had some runes on it of some kind inscribed on the side as well. Walking out she felt a new sense of power as she now was the holder of a wand a real one, one that would always be hers.

"Phoenix," shouted Severus up the stairs. "What?" "Get ready to go and meet me in the living room please," he replied with finality. Ten minutes later she was in the living room still looking at him with her typical curiosity. "We are going to Hogwarts". Soon they were flooing threw the fireplace and had arrived in his quarters. "Follow me," he said calmly. Opening the door to a room that used to be his study when he was single. "This is your room whenever you want it to be. Some have recommended that I threaten to ground you down here if you don't behave at school. However, I don't particularly see that happening. I don't think that I should be allowed to parent at school unless it is normally a familial matter. In which case you won't like me at all. All the same, knowing you, there will be plenty of opportunity to discuss punishment." Phoenix scoffed at the last remark, "Well why would I want to stay down here?" "Well, times I can think of are if you are sick, your friends are being pains. I don't really know, but whenever you want, you can come. As it relates to meals the same thing goes for that. I will give you a copy of the schedule I adhere to during the year of the meals I eat in the great hall. Other than those you are more than welcome to eat with me. Of course, we might end up back at your house with your mother, but I think we can still make these enjoyable." "I can't believe I will be at school in two days." "That is generally how time works, constantly moving forward."

It was the night before the year was to start, the Potter soon to be Snape household was eating a great dinner. "Are you sure you have everything?" Lily asked. "Yes mum, I said I checked it three times." "All the same I shall check it after dinner." "That's fine if you leave me alone about it afterward," Phoenix said. "I'd prefer you dropped the attitude, I want our last night to be a good one, but if you want to be grounded to your room I can make that happen as well." Phoenix immediately looked like a well chastised little girl at the threat and mumbled an, "I'm sorry ma'am." "Yes, well, just keep the cheek to a minimum and I think we will have a good night yes? Oh, don't look so glum, it isn't as if I sent you up there now is it." "No ma'am." Lily could immediately tell that something was wrong with her daughter so as soon as dinner was done she ushered her off to the living room while Sev did the dishes.

"What is wrong, hm?" "I just, I don't, you know," Phoenix replied. "No, I suppose I just don't. Why don't you take a couple of breaths and explain?" A few seconds later a jumbled but heart felt statement came out quickly, "I just don't want to leave you". "Oh honey, come here." Lily looked down at her daughter's part on the top of her head while holding her close to her body. "Scout, you will have a wonderful time and you will make a ton of friends. And I will be down in Sev's quarters frequently and you can come here whenever you want, it will be fine." "But what if, you know I don't make any friends at all?" "You will make friends, Scout, come on, don't do this. I know you are quite the worry wart, but Phoenix honestly, Hogwarts was the best thing that ever happened to me and it will be that for you too, don't worry." "I know I am over reacting, but I don't know what is going to happen." "That, my darling, is life; you never what will happen. I know that at the end of the day it will all work out. Come on let's have a good time on our last night, what do you want to do?" "I want to cuddle." "Alright then, why don't I put a movie on and we can sit on the couch." "Yeah, that would be good." "You go pick the movie. I am going to check your trunk." Phoenix rolled her eyes as she left the room. Phoenix fell asleep three movies in on Lily's lap. Severus came by and scooped her up and walked her to her room while he tucked her in. Lily checked her daughter's trunk one more time out of nervousness before heading to bed.

"Come on Scout, wake up," Severus said while touching his soon to be daughter's foot. "Mmmh go away, I'm sleepy." "Come on we need to leave in an hour and a half and your mother still needs to have an overprotective moment.". "Alright I'm up," she mumbled back. "Good, breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes." Breakfast was a quiet affair but comfortable. Pulling into King's Cross was surreal for everyone in the car. There were tears in their eyes as they pulled up to the platform. Her mother grabbed her hand gave it a tight squeeze and they walked through together.

Once they got her stuff settled he mother handed her a package, it was wrapped, "This was your father's. It is something that is passed on when a Potter goes to school. Use its contents responsibly." Phoenix just grabbed her mother knowing that this was once again going to be a hard moment. Walking onto the train and sitting down as her mother walked out of the platform was the hardest moment of her life by far.

As the train got moving she just looked at the rather interesting box of things her father had apparently left her, never opening it. She noticed as many people walked by and attempted to look at her, she hated it. The animal in the zoo to come be watched by her visitors. Never a human being just some odd entity untouchable to most. Yet, she wasn't just an animal at the zoo for the minute she made eye contact she was immediately left alone, more like Medusa than anything else. She heard her door slide open and at the very least she had to note the courage of this particular spectator. "Do you mind if I sit with you, everywhere else is full." She stared in astonishment for a moment, "You can stay." The boy smiled back at her, "I'm Ron, Ron Weasley." "I'm Phoenix, Phoenix Potter." "Wait your, are you, so you have the you know, the scar?" He ended in an almost inaudible whisper. "Yeah," she said as she lifted her bangs, hoping that he wouldn't respond like most people. "Wicked, I didn't know we would be in the same year. What house do you think you'll be in?" The conversation grew from there covering everything from punishments from their parents to hobbies along with any other topic they could think of. After a few hours of talking a bushy haired girl opened the door, "Have you seen a toad?" "No," replied Ron bluntly. "Your Phoenix Potter, I have read all about you. You saved the world from the Dark Lord. I am a muggle born and still know you when I see you," she commented as she flipped her hair. Ron could tell his new best friend was a little uneasy and decided to comment, "She isn't a history lesson, so unless you have something else to say or ask, you can move along." "Who are you then?" The girl replied. "Ron," he said with a grimace. "Why do you have your wand out? Are you trying to do magic, let us see then?" "He doesn't have to show you anything." "No Phoenix it's fine". Of course, this lead to disaster as the brown-haired girl watched him fail miserably at what sounded more like a nursery rhyme than a spell. "Well, that wasn't even a real spell. Not that you should be doing magic outside the classroom, it's against the rules."

"What's your name?" Phoenix asked innocently, "Hermione Granger". "Good, well Ron got that spell from his brothers who obviously wanted him to make an arse of himself, now however you have also made a bitch of yourself and I feel it is time you leave." Hermione's jaw dropped at the accusation. "Fine, but you should both get into your robes and Ronald has dirt on his nose." As she left Phoenix and Ron just looked at each other, until Phoenix commented, "I don't care what house I am in, as long as I am not in it with her." "She is positively mental," replied Ron.

The train finally came to a complete stop, Phoenix looked at Ron and said, "No matter what house we end up in we will be friends". "Absolutely", the red head replied with a smile. Walking out of the train and seeing Hagrid was almost surreal. Getting onto those boats was almost magical. As one girl commented, "How does everyone else get in." Phoenix jumped in, "Well they ride in carriages pulled by Thestrals, we can't go with them because they need to get settled before we get sorted." "Oh" responded the girl.

As they walked up the stairs they saw who Phoenix would know as her aunt. Others would call her Professor McGonagall and so would she, at least when she was in class. "Welcome to Hogwarts, I see you all made it here," "Trevor!" came a voice from behind her as a little brown-haired boy ran up and grabbed a toad. McGonagall was not pleased, and her facial expression showed this. She glanced over at Phoenix as she smirked. "As I was saying, welcome. While you are here your house will be like your family. You shall be sorted shortly. The four houses are Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. No one house is greater than another, rather they have different founding values. The sorting hat shall put you in what house you belong, and he is never wrong. I shall be back momentarily." Right as she left Phoenix heard a slurring comment from behind, "So it is you; Phoenix Potter has come to Hogwarts." "So, it is true Draco Malfoy runs his mouth," she replied as she turned around. "You need to pick good friends Potter, that is something I can help you with. You don't want people thinking you run around with this red headed riff raff." Ron just rolled his eyes and smirked. "Don't roll your eyes at me. Let me see obviously poor, orange hair, scrawny, and to top it off no class. All of these equal one thing, Weasley." "His family has a lot more class than yours Malfoy". "Oh, is that so," he replied to Phoenix angrily. "It," but Phoenix was cut off by a direct McGonagall, "This way," she said raising her eyebrows at Phoenix.

Phoenix and Ron stuck together as they walked into the great hall, while the other children were astonished Phoenix was focusing on the task at hand. Meanwhile behind her came a very nervous know it all, "The sky is bewitched so it can look like that, I read about all of Hogwarts before coming." It was being told to a marginally frumpy looking girl who didn't seem to care. Walking up and seeing the sorting hat was like a dream come true to Phoenix. She wasn't as nervous as most of the children around her were. Probably, because she knew her mother didn't care what house she was in. It also helped that she was being sorted before her new friend, that way the pressure was on him to end up wherever she did. One child after another was called up, the longest time the hat took was on the annoying girl known as Hermione Granger, who much to Phoenix's dislike was placed in Gryffindor. When it came time for Malfoy to be sorted it took less than three seconds before placing him in Slytherin.

When McGonagall called her name, Phoenix could hear the whispers erupt. She sat down on the stool calmly and crossed her ankles. The hat began speaking almost Immediately, "What should I do with you, hmm? Courage of course, cunning certainly, ambition, yet with a large portion of loyalty, and wisdom and knowledge far beyond your years; from my perspective you could it into any house, and therefore not fit in to any house. Aren't you just a complicated little thing." Phoenix looking over at Malfoy who seemed to be focused on being the world's biggest arse as of late. And one phrase popped into her head, "not Slytherin." She despised the judgement those individuals placed on her and her friends. "So not Slytherin Ms. Potter, you're sure. Well it seems you have the talent to go anywhere and at the end of the day it really is my choice. Slytherin would make all your dreams come true, they could push you to greatness, yet it seems that is the one thing you are afraid of. It is really where you belong you know, and I am pretty sure that is Slytherin, but if you insist…" Phoenix thought long and hard, she just wouldn't fit in, she didn't want to be great, she wanted to be normal. "Alright normal it is," shouting back out to everyone in the room after fifteen long minutes of deliberation, "Gryffindor". A large cheer erupted from the table with two boys shouting, "We got Potter," looking at their physical appearances Phoenix concluded they must be Ron's brothers, the twins he had told her about. Sitting down at her house table and looking at a smiling Dumbledore and McGonagall was heart-warming. She looked at Severus who gave her a subtle wink; she smiled back.

As she scanned the rest of her aunts and uncles at the head table, one individual who she didn't know struck her eye. A man seemingly cowardly and with a turban, all the sudden as he looked up her scar burned fiercely she grabbed her head just in time to realize that Ron was about to be sorted. "Another Weasley, well that makes this easy, Gryffindor," the hat yelled, and Ron immediately relaxed and came flying down off the stool to sit next to Phoenix, they high fived and sat down. It seemed as though there were some interesting people in her house. There was this awkward boy Neville whom she knew by his last name, Longbottom, his parents were aurors. Although, she knew Neville before school and he was nothing like an auror. Then there was Dean who seemed like more brawn than brain, along with Seamus who seemed to have no sense of self-preservation. Both were quite enjoyable, but not best friend material. Of course, before today, she would never have considered someone like Ron to be best friend material. He was something most people weren't and that was concerned and friendly. He didn't pretend like she wasn't special, he just didn't choose to treat her differently because of it. Then there was this Hermione girl, infuriatingly mouthy. She apparently had read about everything, which was totally fine considering Phoenix had too, but it was her personality that made Phoenix want to put a silencing charm on her.


	8. Chapter 8

Just as pudding arrived, Malfoy returned to the Gryffindor table. "Well, if it isn't teacher's pet." Phoenix just rolled her eyes at him. "Since you think you are just as capable as I. I am challenging you to a duel." "A duel? On our first night at Hogwarts?" "Sounds like your scared." "I am not!" "Then midnight be in the trophy room. Crabbe is my second." "Ron is mine." "We will see if you live up to the hype. And, as for Weasley, we will see if you are worth the food on your plate." Malfoy sneered. As he sauntered away, Phoenix looked at Ron, "Sorry I signed you up for that." "Are you kidding, even if I just get a chance to smack him in the face, it will be a huge win in my mind." "As long as you don't get caught!" said Hermione, "You all seem to forget that we are not to be out of bed and we have a curfew!" "We won't get caught. I know the castle well.," said Phoenix.

A few minutes later the Headmaster was standing before the school, "I just wanted to take a moment to welcome each of you to Hogwarts. Whether you are a returning face or a new one, we hope to be a place you will always call home. That being said, we do have some rules. First, you should remember that the Forbidden Forest is in fact forbidden. I know some of you feel this is a suggestion, but I hope you heed my warning. Second, this year the right hand side third-floor corridor is off limits to everyone who values their life. Well, that's about it, so off we go!"

Entering her dormitory and realizing she would have to share a room with none other than their resident know it all was beyond frustrating. Phoenix, however, was resolved to remain civil towards the girl. While she wanted to go see Sev, she already knew what he was going to tell her. That she was welcome to come down at any time, but that it was important for her to create bonds with her house mates. She huffed as she sat down in the window seat. She figured she would be spending a lot of time in this very spot. Her owls flew to the window to perch themselves next to her. She just sat looking out to the dark grounds for some time. Long enough that the rest of the beds were filled with sleeping first years. At this point she slipped out of her dormitory and went to the common room with one of the many books she had brought. She just wasn't tired and all she could think about was her pending duel, so she sat and read in the chair in the corner until it was just her sitting there contemplating the day's events with her potions book. At eleven-thirty in the morning McGonagall came in to find her reading. She came with the plan to make sure her house was in order, never thinking that Phoenix would be the one she would have to correct.

She walked up to her quietly, holding out her hand for the book. Phoenix didn't notice for about 20 seconds and when she did she jumped. "Phoenix, I want the book, and I want you in bed." "I am not tired and I'm not breaking the rules after all." "You should be in bed, it is 11:30. You have classes in the morning and first years are supposed to be in bed by eleven. Everyone else is in bed." "I know what time it is, at least my brain does, but my body doesn't, I'm just not tired." "I am aware. I am also aware that people inherently like to follow you. That means that you need to be cautious of how you behave. If you are down here at all hours of the night, every other first year will want to be. I am not saying that you have to sleep. I am saying that you need to be in bed, preferably by eleven." "That isn't fair, no one else has a bed time." "Everyone in your year is told to be in bed by eleven. And no one else is up past that time the night before classes start, even the older students who are allowed to be." Phoenix shrugged, "I'll try to go to bed." "Thank you," McGonagall held out her hand one more time and Phoenix shrugged but handed her the book. "It will be on your trunk when you wake up." Phoenix smiled, "Goodnight." "Try to get some sleep child."

Phoenix sat on her bed and listened as her professor made her rounds before leaving the common room. It was now 11:55 and they would need to hurry to be in the trophy room on time. She went down to Ron's room where he was waiting, "I thought you had forgotten or fallen asleep!" "Shh, don't wake anyone. I almost got us caught before we even left, now let's go." Soon, they were out the door. Phoenix checked the corners that were most concerning. She knew getting away from the grand stair case was the first step to success. They made it to the trophy room without issue. The clock hit midnight and there was no sign of Malfoy. Within minutes they heard a "meow" from the doorway. "Shit" said Phoenix, "We've been had. I should have known, that slimy snake. Come on!" She said, grabbing Ron's arm and ran past Mrs. Norris, Mr. Filch's cat. "Come on, Mr. Filch must be close by." She ran up the stairs with Ron in tow, not paying attention to where they were. They were being followed so Phoenix moved through a door rather quickly. Then came to another, yanking on it without success. "Alohamora!" she said, pointing her wand at the lock. It clicked open and Phoenix all but dragged Ron through it. "Okay, well, at least we can stay in here for a few minutes. Catch our breath," said Phoenix. Ron whimpered. "Ph-Pho-e-enix," he said pointing. She turned to face the massive dog in front of them, "Run!" She opened the door they had came through and ran through the now lit hallway. She forgot to go to an alternative stair case and with the ongoing panic did a poor job of checking corners.

They were barreling up the stairs when they ran into Professor Black. Ron looked petrified, but Phoenix looked like she might fall apart at any given moment. "Phoenix, would you explain to me what you were doing out of bed?" Her shoulders immediately deflated, "We were in the trophy room." "Why?" He asked gently. "That Malfoy kid set us up. He challenged us to a duel. Then he told Filch and didn't show up himself." "Sounds like a bad night." "Mrs. Norris showed up, we ran. It's been awful." "Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm." "Aunt Nerva already chewed me out for not being asleep at 11:00." "We will take the back way, which is what I would suggest generally." "Sorry, I panicked." "You have to learn to remain cool. Are you okay?" Said Sirius pointing at Ron. Ron had not taken a breath since they ran into Sirius finally let out the air. "You aren't going to take us to the Headmaster?" "Not tonight. You are Ron Weasley right?" "Yeah, how did you know?" "The sorting. Come on you two. You will want to get some sleep before the first day of classes." Soon they were back at the common room door. "Alright, stay in there for the rest of the night and don't make this a habit. I'll see you in class." "Thanks Sirius." "Well, tomorrow it is Professor, but you are very welcome Scout."

Once back in the Common Room, they immediately heard, "How dare you? Leaving the Common Room, being who knows where all to prove a point to Malfoy." It was Hermione Granger. "Look, we aren't in any trouble, so you need to calm down." "You could have been. I have half a mind to tell on you." "If you do that, you won't have any friends." Said Ron, "Phoenix is practically royalty." "I am not! Look, we aren't in any trouble and it won't be a habit. Now, if you don't mind, I already got lectured once for not being asleep and I don't imagine the second iteration being better than the first. Considering now that there are three of us breaking that rule it will be even worse. So, having had enough fun for the evening, I am going to bed." Said Phoenix. Hermione's eyes flashed with panic about breaking the rules, "I am going to bed. I am keeping my eyes on you."

Once Hermione was out of the way, Phoenix looked at Ron, "We have to figure out what is up with the three-headed dog. It was standing on a trap door, so it obviously is there for a reason. Plus, the new rule about the third floor, something is up." "I'm not going back there." "I'm not asking you to. For the time being, we just need to keep our ears to the ground and see what we can learn." "Okay. I think we should plan some revenge on Malfoy." "Walking into the Great Hall unscathed will be the best revenge." "Why didn't Professor Black sell us out?" "He is my godfather and he was a rule breaker at school. I still think it was lucky, but always be honest with him. He is a sucker for honesty. Plus, I think he didn't like that Malfoy yanked our chain. Anyway, let's actually get to bed, otherwise we will look like death in the morning."

Morning came much to Phoenix's distaste, the want to start her classes was the only thing that could drag her out of bed on what ended up being less than three hours of sleep. Starting the day off was potions, which at the very least she knew she would enjoy. She nibbled on breakfast adjusting to the unhealthy foods was difficult. There were enough carbs at this table to last her a year. She got to class and sat in the very front on the right-hand side, pulled out her quill and ink, wrote her typical header and got comfortable. She was, of course, 15 minutes earlier then everyone else, but that was beside the point.

All of the sudden everyone jumped as the dungeon's classroom door slammed shut and none other than Severus sauntered into the room. "I don't want to see a wand out in my classroom; we don't need silly charms to get our potions brewed to perfection. I can of course teach you anything you wish to do with a potion, though most of you dunderheads will ruin them weekly. Most of you will not even appreciate their complexity, some of you have already decided to not pay attention. Regardless of how you feel if you ever hurt anyone in this room due to your stupidity, I will ensure that you never walk in this classroom again. Accidents will happen, however if it is simply because you have decided to take a short cut or experiment, I will make sure you are on the train home before the next day. Are we clear?" Phoenix snorted while the rest of the first years shook their heads in fear.

"Ah Ms. Potter, since you seem to be in such a bright mood this morning, tell me, what would I get if I add the powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" "I'm afraid I don't know sir," responded Phoenix with an angry gleem in her eyes. "Let's try again, monkshood and wolfsbane, what is the difference between the two?" Phoenix just glared, "No, nothing," he said, "Pity, it seems as though Potter decided not to even open her text book before class. Nevertheless we shall try one more time, where exactly would one find a Bezoar?" "I don't know, but it seems as though Hermione does." Phoenix said looking at the bushy brown haired child next to her jumping in her seat with her hand waving. "Yes, she does seem to, but I didn't ask Granger I asked you. Clearly, fame will get you know where, at least not in my class. Next time, try reading your book before class, don't laugh at my lecture, and above all pay attention."

All of the sudden Phoenix jumped out of her chair, "Are you kidding me? You act like I don't know those answers, let me tell you something, just because I am the only one in here not falling for your little snide remarks to intimidate people doesn't mean I appreciate your attempt at embarrassing me. So let's get this straight Bezoars are found in goat stomachs and can be used to cure many basic poisons both prior and subsequent to ingestion. Monkshood and Wolfsbane are the same and they also go by the name aconite. As for the first question, you get the draft of living death, a sleeping potion so powerful that most believe the person to in fact be dead. Individuals have even been buried alive because of it. With that being said, I am sick and tired of your attitude so unless you plan on behaving like a human being instead of an animal for the rest of class I am going to leave," she finished. "The choice is yours Ms. Potter, if you leave I will caution you that I shall add on another week's worth of detention and take away another 20 points instead of just giving you the three detentions I am right now and taking away 15 points." Phoenix grabbed her things and walked out the door without another word.

She walked down to the lake, anger being the only thing she felt. Sitting down on a log she transfigured into a comfortable chair. This was miserable, she thought to herself. She was so frustrated, how could he treat her like that? After all she wanted to be treated normally and he knew that. Than he goes ahead and calls her a celebrity in front of everyone anyway. She sat by the lake by herself for hours, skipping lunch altogether. For now, all she could do was wait. When they found her she would deal with it and not until then. She didn't care what classes she missed, she knew all the information anyway. Finally, around dinner time she heard footsteps, "That was really brave mate," she turned around and was glad to see Ron's face. "I would have come, but it was either really brave or really stupid and I knew which side my parents would be on." "That's alright, mine will be on the same side, I just didn't care". "I wish I was as brave as you. I wish I could stand up for myself like that." "It is a blessing and a curse, let's be real, everyone in the house will hate me because of the point loss, my mum will be pissed at the 8-10 detentions, and Mcgonagel will probably just give me more." "Have you been down here all day," said Ron. "In this very seat", she replied. There was something about that moment that solidified their relationship, that Ron was on her side even if she was on the wrong side. It also showed that he wasn't effected by here fame or influence.

They sat by the lake and Ron explained what had gone on the rest of the day, which apparently was nothing too surprising. Neville was a complete disaster, Hermione was still a know it all, and Draco was still an arrogant ass. Ron had noticed that Malfoy now had more cronies that followed him around, no shock there either, thought Phoenix. Classes would have been boring anyway by her assessment, not that she had the greatest of days down here by the lake. Her day sucked as she spent it contemplating her doom from her head of house, her potions professor, her mother, her aunts and uncles. She never imagined how much trouble being in trouble at school would be. Not only did she make an ass of Sev she also stomped out of his class, completely disrespecting him, then she decided not to go to class, of course this would all go over well with the adults. Ron and Phoenix were having a rather enjoyable conversation until she heard a very firm womanly voice say, "Weasley dinner will be served in five minutes and I expect you to be there, Potter follow me". Ron looked at her and shrugged and walked towards the castle. Phoenix, however, had other plans, she stood and looked at McGonagall but made no movement. "Look, Phoenix I will count to three and if you aren't over here and following me willingly to the castle, I will tan your hide right here." Phoenix, not wanting to push that far complied and walked towards her and followed obediently, making sure to show no signs of penitents in the process.

Walking into the castle, past the Great Hall, past McGonagall's office and towards the headmaster, Phoenix knew this would be bad. As McGonagall said the password Phoenix realized this would be the first time she hesitated to ever walk up the stairs to see her Uncle Albus, only right now he wasn't her uncle. Walking in the door and seeing Sev as well as her mother in the room didn't help her already churning stomach. "Phoenix please sit" Alsbus said while pointing to the chair directly in front of his desk. Phoenix did so quietly, smoothing her skirt as she sat down. "Now Phoenix I would like you to explain to me why you think we might all be here?" Phoenix had a thousand witty comments, but settled with "I walked out of class." "I believe that is a part of it," replied Albus, "Why don't you elaborate?" "I stood up for myself and walked out of class and did not go to the rest of my classes as I knew any professor would just send me up here anyway." "Ok, let's talk about you, how did you say, stand up for yourself?" Phoenix looked at the three angry faces, then immediately went back to Albus' who appeared to be neutral currently.

"Well I was disrespected by Professor Snape, and he asked me to change my attitude, I asked him to change his. He threatened me with detention, and I left." Phoenix noticed that sounded a lot stupider out loud then in her mind. "Why not just go straight to your head of house?" "Because much like you all are doing now I knew she would agree with Sev over me." "Why would she do that?" "Because anyone in their right mind would pick an adult." "I disagree, but I still feel like we need to dig in a little deeper." "He asked me a bunch of questions that I didn't answer and then made fun of me for not answering them, happy?" "Actually I'm not, what did he ask?" "Potions questions we talked about this summer." "So he knew you knew the answers." "He believed I knew the answers." "Did you?" "Yes, but" "No buts Phoenix. While you are here I will ask questions and you will answer. When I have acquired all my information we can switch rolls," Albus said with finality. Phoenix just looked down at the admonition.

"Now, you knew the answers to the questions, and you did not say them. Why?" "I don't have to answer a question." "I suppose you don't, but it seems a little silly not too." "It doesn't seem silly at all if you are me." Phoenix interrupted. "That may be so, however, I don't think interrupting someone who is trying to get to the bottom of a situation and holds the fate of your life in their hands is the best idea." This is when Phoenix lost it, "You aren't looking for the situation, your looking for reasons to punish me. I didn't answer those questions because they were made to draw a distinction between me and everyone else. Something Severus knows, but apparently Professor Snape chooses not to use. And if you think that I will allow myself to be run over so your professor can make a point, you're wrong." "I'm sorry you feel that way, however, as a school administrator I must say that you are responsible for how you act regardless of how you feel." "Yeah of course you say that since that is one of my family's mottos. What about him, is he responsible for how he acts?" "Once again, I am asking questions and you are answering, any more back chat and I will add to your punishment." Phoenix scowled, since compliance wasn't working she had now moved back to angry and defiant. "So you were angry with the way he asked you questions, you felt he was trying to separate you from the class, which is something you didn't want. Why not, dare I ask, you talk to him after class about how you felt instead of stomping out?" Phoenix shrugged.

"Let's try this, your other teachers did nothing wrong why not at least finish your classes for the day?" Yet again, another shrug. "Look I am trying to see where we can go from here. I will be in charge of placing sanctions and so far I have seen not even an ounce of repentance. I have gotten attitude and animosity; quite frankly I am done with it. So this is the last time I will ask nicely, Why didn't you talk to him after class?" All phoenix did now was glare. "Fair enough, that attitude will cost you a detention, I'll ask again why didn't you talk to him after class?" Still nothing. "Okay we'll make it two, let's try one more time then," all of the sudden Albus was interrupted. "You want to know, fine let me back chat and tell you. I don't want to be in his class, he treats me differently then everybody else even though we have had thousands of conversations that tell him that I don't like it. I didn't go to classes, for the second time, because I knew that any of you all would just send me to go talk to him and I didn't want to, so I bloody didn't go to class. It isn't some sort of defiant rebellion, it is my life, my choice, it isn't as if I would have learned anything anyway. This would never have happened if you had actually treated me like a regular student and you bloody well know it." Phoenix's back was heaving with anger. "Well now that we have got that out of our way, why don't we try acting like an adult for a couple of minutes." Phoenix looked over at her mother who looked positively embarrassed and looked back down at her lap, but not before unfortunately making eye contact with Severus. "Why not come to me?" Asked Albus. "Same reason," was all she said. "You don't trust me to listen." "I don't know," she replied. "That's fair. Is it fair for me to assume you were mad at Severus, so that is why you didn't go and see him?" Phoenix nodded. "I would appreciate you looking at me when I talk to you." "Sorry," she said while looking up.

Her eyes looked more sad then angry now, she seemed to have calmed down a little but now she was going in the opposite direction. Albus got up from his desk and squatted in front of Phoenix after he noticed her struggling to make eye contact as the tears came. He lightly grabbed her chin, "I am just trying to figure out how to fix this in the future. I don't care about you leaving class, I care about why. I care about you and the fact that you are obviously upset. I also noticed that this summer you weren't yourself. When you got here you seemed to have come out of it, but today you went back in. I want to talk about that, that is what I care about. You breaking the rules like this is only a symptom but not the cause." "I don't want to be different, but I don't want to have people think I'm an idiot. It's obvious that everyone thinks I should be the best and I can't be, but I don't want to be treated differently. Even by looking around this room it is so clear that I am not a normal student. Even the way you handled me, its so blatant."

"If you want me to treat you like a regular student I will, but I have a feeling that most of the time you don't want this, you just don't want to be special when your friends can see you, yes?" "Yeah, I mean, it just that I'm already being treated differently and even though I have made friends I can still tell that the expectations are different." "Ok, what can I do?" "I don't know." "What can you do?" "I guess not melt down like I did today. Probably not my best defense mechanism." "How about you tell professors after class? It's okay to be angry child, but it is not okay to do what you did today, regardless of how you are feeling. You are a leader, and I know you don't want to hear this right now, but that means you need to watch what you do. Not because you are the girl who lived, but because people follow you, they think it is okay because you do it. Do you understand?" "Yeah, I'm really sorry, I was just really frustrated and he wouldn't listen." "I know that, but it is no excuse." Phoenix replied, "I know."

"Okay, so here is the deal, I can't let this slide. If you can walk out of class so can everyone else. So here is what will happen, your mother has free reign as to decide what to do with you, as does your head of house, outside of my punishment. I am assigning you two weeks of detention with me, don't give me any comment, I am being light on you and you know it. This is the part where you should be glad you are special because if it was anyone else they would be over my desk right now." Phoenix blushed immensely at that comment, the mere thought of her Uncle Albus spanking her was completely humiliating. Within seconds her Aunt Min jumped in, "I believe that serving two weeks with him and two with me shall suffice, along with Severus being allowed to punish you from a school standpoint. The two weeks are for all the classes you skived off of, his punishment is for your disrespect." At this point Phoenix would rather be in a hole in the ground then in this room and of course her mother had to top it off. "We are going home for the night, I will return her in the morning if that is okay?" Albus told her, "Of course Lily, just remember even though often she acts beyond her years, she is 11." "I am aware Albus, but I told her the last time something happened that the I was angry response was getting her no where with me in the future and it won't." Albus looked at her and sighed, "It is your choice after all." "Yes it is," Lily said angrily.

Getting back to their house was dreadful, Severus followed behind his two girls knowing that he was in for a rough night. "You need to go to that corner, I'll be back in just a second," said Lily firmly. Phoenix gulped and she walked to the corner solemnly. A moment later Lily came back in with a small circular sticker that she set at Phoenix's forehead level and said, "I want your nose on this circle, don't move a muscle." Phoenix went up on her tip toes and placed her nose on the dot as she let tears roll down her cheeks. Soon after her legs started shaking and aching, only adding to the distress, her mother made her wait for a half an hour. "Come out and sit across from me," Lily stated, less angry then before. Phoenix walked slowly smoothed her skirt and sat down. "I am going to preface this conversation with the fact that I expect you to make eye contact with me or Sev throughout the conversation. I would like to let this slide, I would like to have fun with you on a night like tonight and instead we are back to punishment. I'll be honest Phoenix, I am frustrated, I am frustrated that you choose to be self-interested, that you can't control yourself, and that the respect have for me is obviously not enough for you to choose to follow my rules. I thought Sev was messing with me today when he came to me and explained this. I need you to be honest, what the hell is going on?" "I'm sorry I disappointed you, again," said Phoenix looking down again. "Sorry doesn't undo it, sorry doesn't explain what is going on, sorry doesn't help me fix it."

"I don't know what you want." "I want to know why your upset, why you keep breaking the rules. You used to be so mature and now you act like" Phoenix jumped in, "Act like what, an eleven year, because that's what I am, an eleven year old. Is it wrong for me to behave like my classmates, like a child that you keep telling me I am." "You are a leader, people follow you, they know you, they work when you do." "But that isn't my problem, at least it shouldn't be." "But it is, you may not want it to be, but you must be held to that standard. I can't go around breaking laws as I am an auror, it is the same thing for you."

"You asked why I was frustrated, I am sorry that you don't like my answer, but I am still frustrated, you know why? Because I didn't choose to be who I am, you caused me to be this. If you had taken care of me I wouldn't be singled out all the time. If you had done your job this never would have happened. I would have a brother and a father and a normal life where I didn't have to struggle because of who I am. Not only that but I have no idea who I am without all these social constructions. I am this "leader" because of you, so stop acting like it is my problem when it is yours. I shouldn't be held to some ridiculous standard because of something I can't change. Something I had no control over, in fact it is something I never wished happened. And if it did happen I wish I was dead, it would be better than struggling through this stupid life every day because you chose work over our protection. Dad paid the price, he died, what did you get, you moved on to the next man who will have fuck you and I for one am over it." When Phoenix left the room Lily was in tears and Sev was torn; part of him wanted to track down Phoenix. However, he had two reservations, his beloved fiancé was right in front of him crying and he was far to angry to deal with the other woman in his life at the moment. Sitting down and pulling Lily into his lap reminded him about how much the two woman were similar. Phoenix was probably sitting in her room her arms wrapped around her knees bundled under the comforter of her bed sobbing her little heart out. Lily of course was in the same position here on the couch.

It took some time but Lily eventually did calm down. "I never thought she hated me for that." "She doesn't, she just doesn't know how to address issues so she uses your week spot to get to you." "She was right though, if I had made family my first priority she wouldn't have to deal with these struggles. I just never thought she didn't want to be alive." "She does, she just doesn't know how to manage all the standards being placed on her." "That's just it she shouldn't have to struggle like this all the time. I'm a terrible mom." "No, you are the world's best mom, she loves you, she just is going through a lot right now." "Like what nothing has changed." "Except the fact that she is living hours from home, she finally has friends, she has to meet the many expectations of school, her aunts, uncles, soon to be step father, and her mother, while her hormones are raging and telling her to rebel against every single one of them. Not to mention were headed to October, and you know how she gets. Plus she has to explain this to people all the time, they treat her like an animal at the zoo. Eventually, they will get used to it, but right now she is still a commodity." "I need to talk to her and as does my hand and a soap bar." "But first maybe you should address how she feels because she didn't get cuddle time to feel better, which if I know anything about her means that she is laying on her bed curled into a ball hoping you will show up soon and forgive her." "Are you coming?" "I feel this is better if it was a mom to daughter talk unless you would like me present?" "No I think I can handle it." "I love you, I know you will get through it."

Walking up to her daughters room, Lily hoped that her daughter would just be everything Sev had explained. She was hoping for a puddle even if she was sure she would get a struggle. She knocked on the door three times before opening the door. "Phoenix, Phoenix" Lily called. Lily looked around the room only to find that her daughter was not there. Lily panicked for a second until she heard a sob from the bathroom, she went and opened the door to find her daughter sitting in the corner, arms wrapped around her knees, and more surprisingly a soap bar in her mouth. The tears that flowed from her eyes had trickled onto her shirt and tie. Lily immediately got down to the ground and tried to grab the soap bar quietly but her daughter clenched her jaw down around it. Lily pulled Phoenix's hair back behind her shoulder, quietly cupped her daughters cheek, "Let go Scout, it's okay to let go." Lily's other hand pulled gently on the soap while Phoenix shook her head. "Yes, come on now, I'm sure you have had that in your mouth for far too long, let it go." Phoenix finally let go, Lily stood up and got a cup of water, "Here you are, you can just spit it into the bath tub," Lily said, "There you go, that's it, deep breaths." Once Phoenix had finished rinsing with about four cups of water Lily put her hand out in a motion for her to stand up. "Let's go sit down Love." Taking her daughters hand Lily walked them over to the window seat and sat her in daughter in her lap. Lily quietly hummed for a couple minutes while they resettled.

"Alright, let's start with the soap bar, why was that in your mouth." "I was bad." "Is it not for me to decide when you need punishment?" "You were gonna punish me." "Maybe, but I have not sentenced you to soap, how long was it in your mouth?" "I don't know" "Ok, well I am just going to speak for me, but I really hope you choose to take this to heart. It really scares me when you punish yourself, more importantly it scares me when you choose to hurt yourself." "I didn't hurt myself" "Yes you did, soap isn't good for your stomach. While you may not feel it yet, you are going to have an upset stomach later, which is why as soon as we're done I will get you a stomach soother." "You have had me suck on soap." "Yes for one minute, which I can tell you did a lot more than that based on how soft the soap was." "Oh."

"Yeah, now let's talk about Sev," said Lily quietly hoping to not start an issue. "I'm sorry" "I know, but I am not worried about you being sorry. I want you to feel comfortable in school and in class, if that isn't happening then we should seek out alternative options." "I like school." "Okay, that's great Scout. I want to know why we are struggling with Sev so much? Are you having second thoughts about us being married. "No". "No, then why don't you just tell me what is bothering you." "Everyone at school except for my couple of friends treat me like an animal at a zoo, and I don't want Sev to do that too." "Oh Scout, we are just a mess lately aren't we." "I don't like it that he draws a distinction between our school relationship and our home relationship." "Ok, that is something we can work on, we can talk to him about that later if you would like." Phoenix nodded. Lily loved sitting like this, just quiet talking, it didn't matter that she was her mom, it mattered that she was there. "Scout, what can I do to help you right now?" Phoenix shrugged, "I guess I don't like it when you get mad when you haven't talked to me yet." "I can't promise I won't get mad, but it is something I can work on. I will also work on not yelling at you when I don't know what happened." "I'll work on not being bad." "Look at me, you are not bad, you my beautiful little girl are a lot of things, but bad isn't one of them. Look at me and tell that you are not bad." "I'm not bad." "There we go, that's my girl. We have a lot to work out don't we." Lily commented as she drug her fingers through her daughters hair. "You are so kind and strong, you just don't know how amazing you are."

After a few minutes Phoenix spoke up despite the calming words. "Am I going to be punished?" Lily sucked in as much air as she could trying to think of a response; she was torn, she knew her daughter should behave better, but she also knew that right now she felt a lot of guilt already and making Lily punish her would only make that worse. "Do you think you deserve to be punished?" "Yeah, I mean I broke the rules." "Not every time you break the rules do I punish you." "Maybe not in the past, but lately you have been." "I am sorry if it seems as if I changed standards, it was recommended to me to be firm with you given the struggles we were facing. I was told it would be better to force compliance then to allow you to continue on your downward spiral. What do you think the worst thing you did was?" "What I said to you." "Phoenix, Love, those are just words." "I just wish I could take them back," her eyes filled with tears, "So are you going to punish me," Phoenix persisted. "I suppose I am not, and I want you to know that I by no means approve of your actions, but that I realize that the talk we have had tonight is going to help us far more than a sore bum will, yes?" Phoenix nodded.

"Is Sev going to punish me?" "He may on behalf of the school, but not a home punishment. We decided that tonight I would make that call." "Is he going to be mad at you for not punishing me?" "No in fact he is the one to suggest that I talk to you at length before proceeding." "Oh," Phoenix replied back. "Would you like to talk to him?" "I'm not sure," Phoenix said with a little hesitation. "Let's try it, try it for me." Phoenix nodded. Lily sent their house elf to go find Sev who quietly opened the door about thirty seconds later, grabbing a chair and sitting down right across from them. Phoenix wouldn't look at him, Lily noticing this said, "Scout you're not in trouble, we're just going to talk, remember?" Phoenix nodded while she looked down at her lap.

Sev reached out and rubbed her shoulder, "Tell me what's going on Phoenix?" Phoenix shook her head. Lily sighed, "Scout, just tell him what you told me." "I don't like that you treat me like an animal at the zoo when we are in public." Phoenix whispered. "Is this about the questions in class?" Phoenix nodded quietly as tears rolled down her cheek. Sev got right in front of her and gently pulled the tears off her face with his thumb, "I am sorry, I didn't realize that it upset you. I didn't know you would take it this way. Had I known I never would have done that." "Why did you anyway?" "I wanted to give you a chance to impress your classmates. I knew you knew the answers." "Now they all hate me because I lost all those points." "I'll help you get them back. I am sorry, I forget sometimes, that you aren't like most children, you want to blend in and not attract attention." "Yeah, could you talk with Professor McGonagall and see if you could make her not angry at me." "I can try, yes, but no guarantees, you know your Aunt Nerva, she can be a tough cookie to crack. Can I have a hug?" Phoenix nodded still crying. Sev chose to pick her up and place her against his shoulder as opposed to reaching down. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to never let her go. He just held her close wrapping one arm underneath her legs and the other around her back. "Oh Love, its alright, we're okay. Everything is fine. I love you, your mum loves you. We're okay, everyone is fine." Phoenix just gripped him for dear life. Sev heard random muffled words that were announced to his shirt.

"What was that Love?" Phoenix said more mumbled words and Sev realized that it was more important to just be there for her than to understand her at the moment. "I know, I'm sorry, we'll make it better I promise." He really didn't know what else to say, was it better to know what she had just said, he wondered. As she snuggled into him deeper he knew he must have made at least an okay choice, but all the same he couldn't be happy until his little girl was feeling better. Then he smiled lightly she really had become his little girl. "We're okay, it's alright, we will get through it. That's it, deep breaths." Sev sat down on the couch as she snuggled even closer, Lily came up behind them and started to rub Phoenix's back while she cried. "Alright Scout, we're okay, we will move forward just like always." Phoenix sobbed out, "I don't know why everything has to be so hard, I am always the one that causes the problems. It's always me, me and this stupid scar." "You, my beautiful darling, are not the problem, they are the problem."

"Then how come people always treat me different, how come every family issue revolves around me?" "No honey, they don't, I know it seems that way, but that is not the case." "Name one family issue that didn't have me in the middle of it." "It doesn't matter what you were involved in, it matters how you feel and right now I am concerned about what is going through that wonderful mind of yours." "Yeah, so wonderful all it ever does is get me in trouble." "Maybe we just need to find better outlets for you to use it." "Yes, more ways to make me special, more ways I don't fit in." "You do fit, right hear next to me, right on Sev's lap, in this family you fit just fine." "But that is the only place I fit in, and you have to like me you are my mum." "I would like you anyways, you would always fit in with me."

"You make everyone fit in, all the misfits like you." "What is that supposed to mean?" said Lily with mock sternness. "It means that everyone comments on your big heart and how much you love everyone, how you loved them even when they didn't love themselves, that's just you. It isn't anything special to be able to fit in with you." "I thought you didn't want to be special?" Phoenix just looked down at that. "No, I didn't mean it like that, I love you so much, and you always get to be my special little girl." Lily tried to look at her daughter who seemed to hide her face. "You see, now I'm the family screw up." "No the family screw up is definitely me," said Sev. "I would be fine with that assumption, if I didn't cause you all these problems." "You don't cause all of our problems, we all do, as well as other people. You don't make our issues exclusively, Love never believe that," said Sev.

"How come you can take credit for it?" "I really can't I suppose, I was just hoping to make you see this differently. Obviously, I didn't do a very good job, just another thing that I screwed up. See that, you aren't the creator of all of our problems." "I never said I created them, just that I was involved in all of them, which I still am." "Would anyone be interested in dinner?" Said Lily trying to change the subject seeing that they were getting nowhere. Phoenix shook her head, "No, I'm not hungry". "Is there something we could do to make you hungry?" "No, I just want to go to bed." "Do you want to spend the night here?" said Lily. "No, my friends will worry." "Okay, do you want to go back now?" "Yeah." Phoenix grabbed her robe that was hanging on the end of her bed. She went through the floo and made sure to use Sev's address to get to Hogwarts, not wanting to run into anyone. "Oh shit," Lily said, "She needs a stomach soother, she sucked on that soap bar for who knows how long." "Cali," Sev yelled. "Please take this to Phoenix, make sure she takes it. If not drag her to the hospital wing." Sev gave Cali a wink, "Yes Master Severus, Cali will take care of it." "Thank you, it will ease my worries." Cali left with a pop.

Phoenix was changing in her room trying to get comfortable when she heard a pop and jumped. "Master Severus send Cali to give mistress her medicine. Master Severus said Phoenix must take her potion." "Thanks Cali," said Phoenix sighing, too tired to fight her. "I should watch you take it, otherwise I need to drag you to the hospital wing." "Of course Cali," said Phoenix gulping down the potion and handed it back to the house elf. Cali left with a brief pop! Phoenix said a quick goodnight to Ron, who automatically asked her if she was okay. Phoenix said she was fine and went and climbed into bed. She was hoping that it would get her off the hook of being a bad influence, at least according to McGonagall.

After she heard everyone get into bed, she climbed out and grabbed her scrapbook, she went down to the common room and sat in the seat in the window, just like she would at home, letting out a few more tears in the process. She had no idea what time it was, nor did she care. She only knew that she would never be able to manage another day like today. Although it was probably going to be terrible, knowing she had two detentions, plus whatever else Sev decided on, it almost made her sick. All the sudden her tears wouldn't stop leaking out again, it was always going to be her, it would always be like this.

Out of nowhere she heard a stern, "I would have thought after today you would have at least had the sense to follow the rules." "I'm sorry, I just came down here, I wasn't being a bad influence, I'll go back to bed." Phoenix said trying to hide the tears. "Oh Love," said Mcgonagall, "Come hear." It was clear her Aunt Nerva, not her professor, was opening her arms and Phoenix just fell into them. "Alright, what is really going on here?" Said Minerva after Phoenix had calmed down. "You're mad at me, my Mum wanted to punish me, Sev is torn, Uncle Al is worried, the headmaster is angry, I just don't know what to do." "You don't need to do anything, you just need to keep moving forward. Much older people have made far worse mistakes my Love, but we move on, we fall, we rise, we change." Mcgonagall said while she reached for Phoenix's chin and grabbed her cheek, "My Love, you are far greater then you give yourself credit, but don't dig yourself into a ditch, rise above this. Learn your lesson and move on, the lesson may not be the one I wanted you to learn, or the one your parent intends, the question is what can you get out of this that you can use for tomorrow."

Phoenix just crumpled her face again, "If you want to cry, ball your eyes out, if you want to yell, scream from the astronomy tower, but promise me this, that when I see you tomorrow you will have moved on from this. Whatever you need to do tonight, go do. Here is a note to go about your business, but we will face tomorrow as a brand new day and I expect nothing less than your best. I am keeping your detentions, but you will find them to be far more enjoyable than you think. I can't promise that for anyone else's, but use them, gain what you can while you're here. My darling, seven years will go by faster than you think, and when your done you will rule whatever you want. You need to learn to embrace where you are at, the great thing about your situation is that it can only get better, you can only grow to accept it." McGonagall grabbed a piece of parchment out of her pocket and handed it to Phoenix, "You knew I would be up." "I didn't know child, I guessed. I would like to say that I appreciate you at least pretending to sleep until everyone went to bed though, please do this in the future. I know you are my little insomniac, but other people will get the wrong idea." "Yes ma'am." "And don't you dare use this permit for some other forms of rule breaking, understood?" "Yes ma'am." "Alright then," McGonagall said, giving Phoenix one last quick squeeze.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Hi guys, thanks for putting up with the long update times. I have been in finals at law school. I still don't love the way this came out, but I have decided to move forward from it nonetheless. Thanks for all your reviews, they really keep me going.**

Phoenix was walking around the black lake when she ran into Hagrid. "What do yer thinker doin down ere?" "McGonagall gave me a note," said Phoenix. "Did she, thas unlike er." Phoenix brought it out of her pocket and waved it around. "Is three in the morning, why would she letchya down 'ere?" "I had a rough day." "I heard bout that. Well I'll leave you to it, but try and get aleast some sleep, okay?" "I will" "Feel free ter come down to my cabin if yer need someot ta talk to."

The next morning came early, but at least Phoenix felt better about her situation with Severus. She came in a few minutes early to breakfast and found Severus drinking tea and reading the daily profit. Phoenix walked up to him and gave him a quick hug, "Thank you for last night, thank you for listening." "You are very welcome little one, did you get any sleep at all?" "Not much, but I feel better anyway." "I want you to go to bed early tonight, I'll send you up a sleeping draught, okay?" "Yes sir." Severus reached out and ran his hands through her hair, "That was very polite and kind of you, 10 points to Gryffindor." Phoenix smiled lightly and looked down, "Now go sit down before people think I am torturing you." Phoenix laughed walking down from the head table, "Thanks again." "Anytime Love."

Ron came in a bit later, Phoenix was already eating her fruit. Ron sat on her left and began digging into a waffle. "You seem better this morning," Ron said. "Yeah, I am. Don't speak with your mouth full." "Did you get walloped." "Almost," Phoenix replied. "Almost? My mother wouldn't have even asked questions, she would have taken her spoon to my backside in Dumbledore's office and then pushed my dad into paddling me later. You have the coolest mom in the world." "I know I do, we talked a lot. I thought she was going to punish me severely, but I was a mess. And once I explained everything that had gone on and how I was feeling then she calmed down. We cuddled a lot, and she said I had to accept my detentions and talk to Sev. So, I talked to him and we worked it all out." "Your mom is brilliant, you should be glad she is your mom and not mine. Mine wouldn't have cared how upset you were, only that you misbehaved." "Our relationship is different though, your mom has to keep strict law and order because of the twins." "Not to mention Charlie, he was a wild child, I think that is why my mom created a zero-tolerance policy." "Probably, plus things are more complicated than what meets the eye. Severus is my mum's best friend, and he has always been a part of my life. They are engaged, to be married, and I have been struggling with how that relationship is going to play out. You can't tell anyone, not even your mum. They don't want it to be public information." "Deal, I won't tell a soul, but that will suck with him as your step-father, he is really strict." "He seems to be but really he is a giant teddy bear. He held me last night while we talked. He seems really strict, but he only is at school because he doesn't want anyone messing around and blowing us all up." "I guess so, but he still seems really strict." "Not with me, he is a big softy." "That's good because otherwise your bottom would be blown to bits by now." "Tell me about it." Ron sighed, "We have astronomy first, so I guess we better get going." They gathered their things and left the great hall. Phoenix settled into the first row on the right side of the room. Ron grunted at her choice in location, but sat down next to her anyway.

A few minutes later, class started, "Ah Miss Potter, so glad you chose to grace us with your presence." Phoenix rolled her eyes, but figured she had deserved a couple of jabs, particularly since it was Sirius, she knew he couldn't help himself. Classes were slow and boring that day, which didn't make her feel any better about her looming detentions; at 5:00 she had detention with Aunt Min, and at 7:00 she had her Uncle Albus. Severus still hadn't gotten back to her, so she had to go check in with him before five.

Walking down to the dungeons was not pleasant, as she knew it was inevitably going to make her day longer, accepting the detentions and turning it into a 6-hour night was going to be miserable, but she knew it was the right thing to do. As she knocked she sighed, hoping Severus would have mercy on her soul, knowing how bad her night was going to be. "Come in," said Severus in a very professorially tone. Phoenix opened the door slowly, "I was just wondering when you would want to see me for detentions?" "I thought I decided last night that I was at fault," Severus replied. "But we also decided that I was at fault." "I suppose in some ways yes, but I feel that the 24 detentions you have coming your way will be plenty to get the point across. Unless you would like another month of detentions?" "No sir, I am fine." "Come here," said Severus, opening his arms to the obviously nerve stricken girl, "Now on you go, before your late." He gave her a tap on the bum as she headed to the door.

Walking into McGonagall's office was dreadful, but necessary, the better the attitude she had the faster it would be over, she thought. "Ah, Miss Potter, you are a couple of minutes early. Eager to get this over with?" Phoenix shrugged. "Severus came and tried to talk to me about the whole situation. Your mum may be susceptible to the tears, but I am not. However, he said you were upset because of how mad I was. I am no longer mad at you, I just wish we could have worked this out before I had to punish you. Alright, I told you these would not be that bad, and they won't. Tonight, we are going to work on a new spell, the detention side of this is that every spell we work on you will write me a one-foot essay on. That way I can say you learned your lesson and you can properly grovel to your friends." Phoenix knew that she was obviously susceptible to the tears as her strict song and dance had all but crumbled. "Now you usually don't work on color changing transfiguration till 6th year, but we don't want us going through too many spells and making you write loads of essays, so let's get started." Of course, McGonagall chose to drone on and on about how tricky the spell was, even though she knew Phoenix probably already read up on them. "Now let's give it a try." Phoenix picked up her wand, said the charm and immediately her snail changed from red to green. Animal after animal was put in front of her and she didn't have a problem with a single one. "Well all be damned, I have seventh years who are still struggling with this and you don't even have to try." "Please don't tell anyone, I'll never use it in front of them, please." "Come on, let's have some tea, your secret is safe with me." Phoenix and her Aunt Nerva talked for another 45 minutes, but then it was time for her to head to the headmaster's office for his detention. Phoenix sighed and picked up her bag, "Thanks." "For what?" McGonagall replied. "For not making this miserable, and for being you." "I can't promise anything about Albus' detention, but just bat those eyes at him and say some really long I'm sorries, he'll go easy on you."

"Hello professor," said Phoenix. "Good evening Ms. Potter, please sit." Phoenix scrunched her face and looked at him. "Now I am aware that everyone else has given you the benefit of the doubt, has let it go, given you some leeway, I however will not. I was not giving you detentions for the actions you did, but rather for the need of you to realize the effects your actions have. Even if I understand your point of view, I am also well aware that giving you extra slack won't fix what I want it to. So tonight, you will be dusting my office, I don't want a complaint or a bunch of sighs, I want you to take that duster and get started. Each item needs to be dusted separately, so be very careful with them." So much for going easy on me, Phoenix thought, but she did the detention quietly. His office had so many things to dust, it took forever. After a couple of hours, it finally seemed as if she was finished, but then she realized she hadn't done the bookshelf to the left of his desk, so she started on it.

After she was done with that she walked in front of the desk and set down the duster, "Sir, I am finished." "Excellent, and I appreciate you doing the task without complaint. I would now like to use this time to have a discussion about your behavior. I will preface this conversation with the fact that I gave you only two weeks of detentions because I was sure your mother would lay into you. I then expected Professor McGonagall to make your nights hell, and Snape to bring it home by having you dissect some nasty animals. Instead, because of who you are, you got off, two weeks of detention for skipping class, screaming at a professor, and disobeying them. You say that you hate your life, you hate the judgement, you hate the expectations, but let me tell you this now, only you can choose to be happy, you choose, not me. How bad is your life really? You have a bunch of people who chose not to punish you despite your mistakes. They chose to look like they didn't know how to do their jobs, or how to control their daughter for your benefit, not because it was easy for them. They were angry, I was angry, they wanted what was best for you and they know how you respond to chastisement. You chose to put them in that place. You make choices Phoenix, and everyone compensates for you because of your past, as well as your present. You make the choices, and while others turn a blind eye, I won't, I never will, I am accommodating, but I know you can be better, I know you are better. However, you need to make choices to live up to your own expectations, not ours. You need to decide for you, for your life, not for us. I will do whatever I can to ensure that your expectations are what is good for you, what is right for you, what is morally correct. Do you understand where I am coming from?" "Yeah" she replied hesitantly.

"That is what we will work on in these detentions from here on out. I know your heart, I have seen it. We will work through the expectations that you want to be held to, so you can meet with your mom and solve this issue. You need to know what you are holding yourself up against, not for us, but for you. That is the whole point of rules, to help you gain moral principles for your life, that is what I want. I want you to rule your life. And as long as you are doing it properly I won't intervene, and I have a feeling neither will your mother." "Thank you." "For what?" "For pushing me, for not settling for mediocrity, or making excuses." "You are so mature for your age, and I am asking you to choose to grow up even faster, and somehow you are thanking me. Remarkable really." Phoenix just got up and jumped in his arms, Albus smiled and kissed the part in her hair. "You my dear will move mountains, you will make changes, you will do everything you could ever dream of and so much more, we just need to let you do it. You need to let yourself do it." His eyes twinkled as they met her gaze.

"Thanks, for pushing me, and for letting me be a mess again in your office." "There is no need to thank me. Now I believe that it is late, and that a certain Lion should be in bed. I will walk you back since I kept you late tonight. Please think about your values so we can talk about those tomorrow." "Yes sir," Phoenix went and gave him one more hug and then they left to the common room. "Good night Phoenix." "Good night Uncle Al."

Phoenix woke the next morning and immediately began thinking of what her values were, what she held dear to her heart. She took notes on her values in classes instead of focusing on the repetitive curriculum. While she had an awkward moment in Charms when Professor Flitwick asked her a question and she hadn't heard them, she still felt like it was worth her focus. She was actually looking forward to detention tonight, both of them. Professor McGonagall would teach her another spell and Dumbledore was freeing her from the constraints of the public.

When she walked to McGonagall's office she felt as though the best part of her day was beginning. Maybe it was insane to think that the best thing that could happen to her was supposed to be a punishment. She walked in and saw her Professor quietly sipping tea and reading a book. "Hello Phoenix." "Hello ma'am." "Do you have my essay?" "No ma'am, Professor Dumbledore kept me past lights out, I'll have it for you tomorrow." "No, you will write it tonight. The deal was that every charm we worked on I would have an essay to go with and I will have one." Phoenix sighed, this was not how this was supposed to work. "It's not my fault he kept me that late." "Look young lady, I realize that it isn't your fault that he kept you late, but it is your fault you have detentions, and in a detention, you do as I ask. If you have a problem with it, we can go back to my original idea of you cleaning out my animal's cages. So, unless you want to have dung up to your elbows, drop the attitude, pick up a quill and get writing." "Yes ma'am." Phoenix did as she was told, while she was getting out her quill four books dropped next to her. "You will find everything you need in those. I have saved you quite a bit of research, so it shouldn't take you that long. When you are done we will move on to your next spell." It only took Phoenix thirty minutes to write the essay and present it to McGonagall.

"Now, in a switching spell, as the name states, the objective is to have one object replace another. It is complicated as essentially you are asking both objects to be transfigured simultaneously. Don't panic if you aren't able to do it on the first shot. There is a reason we start with small objects. You need to get your magic to be in two places at once, this is inevitably complicated." Phoenix was staring at the two matches in front of her. One had a head facing way from her, the other facing towards her. She was quite focused, and McGonagall was sure she wasn't even listening, all the sudden with a pop the matches changed places. There were no words uttered, no wand waved. McGonagall was in shock, "Are you sure you want to be normal, because I am pretty sure that was spectacular. Most people cannot do this at all, let alone wandlessly and wordlessly at the age of 11." "Thanks," Phoenix blushed.

"I just don't understand you sometimes. Your magic is so precise. Magically, you are stunning, I am always blown away, but I am not sure Hogwarts can do much for you." "Hogwarts can do everything for me. I may never be normal, but I can have friends here. I can do the things I have only dreamed about here. Not anywhere else in the world can give me that. I can learn to do spells anywhere, but I cannot learn how to work with normal people, as uneventful as they may be. I do like that aspect of this." "I am not stating that you should leave for any reason. I just want you to be happy wherever you are. And even if that means being away from me, I will accept it. Even though I would never love it being that way." "Thanks, I just hoped that life would get simpler when I got here, but it seems to be just as difficult, if not harder." "Life tends to do that, with time it typically gets harder not easier to manage." They talked for a little while about how she was settling in with the different Gryffindor personalities. "Well I believe Albus is waiting for you. How did that go last night anyway?" "Dreadful, he made me dust his whole office." "I thought he was going to take it easy on you." "I could have gotten him to if he gave me anytime to talk to him and well up some tears." "Clever man, Albus Dumbledore." "Yeah, I should go."

A couple of minutes later she was back in the office in the sky, "Hello Phoenix", "Professor". "Did you have any thoughts about what we talked about?" "Lots actually." "Okay, so I want to start with a discussion about some basic values you think a person should have. Not just you, but that any person should have." "Uhm Integrity." "I will stop you there, what does integrity mean?" "Being Honest." "Is that all, because otherwise maybe we should just use honest." "Well, more like being honest in every sense of the word not just speaking, not cheating or stealing, committing fraud. I guess that would be integrity." "Okay that is very good," Dumbledore responded, "What is another value?" "Respect" "How do you show that?" "By treating people the way they want to be treated, by treating their time as precious, and their input as valuable." "I couldn't have said it better myself." "Law Abiding, except when conflicting with your values. I guess if the laws are going against the right thing to do then you shouldn't follow them anyway." "That is a very astute observation." "I want to be someone who people aspire to be, not because of my talents, but because of who I am. I want people to say that I am Phoenix, the girl who does the right thing. I don't care if I am Phoenix the talented girl, or the girl who lived. I don't know what that means all the time. I really don't, but that is who I want to be. I want to defend the weak, so that people can see them as strong. I want to support those who society sees as outcasts, to show others the value they bring. I know that this means that I will be put in a position that will make me hated for standing up for what is right, but I am willing and ready to take that. That is the girl I want to be. If it is the right thing to do, it is the right thing to do, regardless of how others see it."

"Your little rant still has me concerned over how you view your life in proportion to the worth of others' lives, but I understand your reasoning. However, we must find rules that your mother can deal with and that you can live with. I don't think your mother will ever accept you voluntarily putting your life in danger, nor do I think she should. This is something that you will want to think about. How do you think we could organize these thoughts?" "I don't really know it all seems vague." "Is there a word that comes to mind when you think of all these ideas?" "My mom always says her goal for me is that I become a disciplined adult. So maybe discipline is a good word." "Okay that seems fair, what are some categories that could constitute discipline." "Well, disrespect, disobedience, danger, and deceit are the basic things that bother my mum." "Okay, so you believe that those things are the base that you need to be disciplined, then what will go into each of these categories?" "Well I think that integrity falls under deceit, lying is synonymous, cheating is only a physical formation of lying, you are just doing so in the form of an activity, stealing is making something look as if it is your when it is not. As for the danger part, I think it is more than putting me in danger, it is assisting others to not do so within reason. I believe that moral values are found at the middle of the spectrum, courage being the middle between cowardice and foolhardiness. Risking my life for a bug may not make sense, but risking it for my mother does." "I think you have read too much Aristotle?" "Is that even possible?" "For an eleven-year-old it is." "Everyone keeps telling me that, but I don't think it is true." "No, I guess for you it isn't, but there will be a day that it is. I know this is hard to hear, but not everyone is ready to handle your greatness just yet."

"But why do I have to change for them?" "You don't, I don't want you too, but you need to know that there will be hell to pay that comes with it. People aren't ready for you to change to world, or the way we view it, and change, to many is the most frightening of all things. And fear is the greatest motivator there is." "You said you don't want me to change, but you are acting like I have to, I don't understand." "I don't want you to change, but more so than that I don't want you to have to fight for everyday things. I don't want you to be hurt in a way that could have been avoided all because you were not willing to back down, or hadn't learned yet how to keep your mouth shut. There will be a time when the world will be ready to take your greatness, a time when they will be ready to listen to your guidance, but today is not that day. And I never want to see you hurt, because after a while all those cracks and chips will break down a beautiful piece of pottery." "But if there aren't any cracks then how is the light supposed to come through to the outside." "You are a brilliant little thing you know that." "Yeah, but I'm still learning to accept the broken places, to consider them strengths, and to not care that other people view them as weaknesses. I love myself. I know that I can do things other people can't. I can wish that others wouldn't come after me for this fact, but they do and they will continue to do so. It is a lot harder to let it be, than to be angry, or sad, or just plain overwhelmed, but it is the only choice I have. Strong will always be my only option, but without a choice I need to become immune to the angry, the sad, the overwhelmed, and the mediocre. I can only surround myself with those who make me stronger, because I will never understand what it is like to be anything else, and that may mean that I am lonely, but it is still better to be alone and strong, then give up on everything I am for the sake of a crack. Every pot will end up cracked, and mine cannot make a difference until it has a few more."

Albus was in tears at this point, he just shook his head. "This is all my fault, I am the reason why you must live like this, but you are the most beautiful thing in this world. In this cruel world, you are kind, you are loving, don't ever let them get to you, take the cracks, but never fall, my love." Phoenix curled up on his lap and they sat there for a long time, eventually they began talking about other things, but they never went back to the initial topic. Phoenix at one point fell into a light, but peaceful slumber. Albus picked her up and brought her to his spare bedroom, not wanting to make her look bad in front of her housemates, nor wake her. He transfigured her clothes into pajamas and spent some time making sure to tuck her in just so. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, he saw her heart, which was all he wanted out of the conversation. He had not seen it in a long time and was beginning to think that it had been broken one too many times for such a young lady, but tonight proved him wrong, thank Merlin he was wrong.

Phoenix woke up a couple of hours later, at first in shock before she registered that she was in Albus' quarters. She walked down the hall to his room and saw him in a peaceful slumber, she quietly pulled the blankets back and started to slip in when Albus awoke. "Wha, oh hi, are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm okay" "Come on over here," Albus replied patting his chest as she laid her head on it, he kissed the part of her hair and wrapped his arms around her before closing his eyes once more. She woke up and immediately panicked, looking at the clock and realizing that she was two hours late for class. As she scrambled she woke Albus up, "Phoenix I told your morning professors that you wouldn't be present; breath child, you still have 2 hours till you need to be in class." "Oh," Phoenix said blushing. "Yeah, Oh. Calm down, go take a shower, get ready for your afternoon classes, after all you start flying lessons today. Behave yourself and I will see you tonight." "Yes sir, is there anything I should bring?" "No, just your mind." "What do you have first?" "Potions, that won't be awkward at all." "It will be fine, go get'em."

Potions was surprisingly quiet. She could tell the other students were gunning for a second showdown, but Phoenix didn't think there would be any issues. Severus was staying in his role as a professor and not hassling her, so it was doable. One student tried to throw something in Phoenix's caldron, but Severus couldn't determine who it was. As such, he made them all stop brewing and spend the rest of the lesson writing out the rules of the classroom relating to potion's safety. It was particularly annoying for Phoenix who felt she was being punished for something where she was the victim, but she understood the need for the exercise. When class was over he didn't even ask her to stay behind Something that Phoenix appreciated, it would not draw attention to their relationship.

All Phoenix could think while she was getting ready was that somehow, she was going to fail these flying lessons. This was one expectation she wished she didn't have for herself. She braided her hair perfectly, pushed in the bobby pins and tied the red ribbon at the end. As she walked to the lawn she saw many people staring at her, _its fine, they don't matter, let them stare and wonder,_ she thought. "Hey, where have you been, you missed the best lessons," said Hermione in her typical impertinent tone. "I was with the Headmaster." "All morning?" "All night" "Oh no, Phoenix what did you do?" "Nothing, we just started talking during my detention and then I fell asleep on his couch, the usual." "And he let you stay there?" "Oh, I forgot you don't know, Albus is like grandparent, not in genetics, but in practice, so this has happened before. He didn't let me stay there he took me to the spare bedroom of his quarters." "He lets you call him Albus? I bet he teaches you loads." "Having family at school isn't always easy, sometimes it is a real pain." "Says the girl that basically got away with academic murder." Said Hermione. That was the last thing they said as they lined up getting ready for their lesson.

Phoenix lightly listened as Madame Hooch drowned on about the rules and safety, finally she stated, "Before we get lined up I would like to know if anyone here is left handed?" Phoenix quietly raised her hand. "Of course, Potter, I should have guessed that. So, we will put you here on the end, that way you don't conflict with your neighbor." Shortly after everyone else was lined up, "Now put your hand over your broom, clearly enunciate, you are not begging the broom, you are ordering it, "Up"." Phoenix looked at the broom for a second, put her hand out and as instructed said a firm "Up!", the broom all but jumped into her hand. Phoenix smirked, Madame Hooch jumped in, "Well done Ms. Potter, you might have inherited your father's touch, 10 points to Gryffindor." Meanwhile, everyone else was still yelling at their broom sticks, Malfoy got his next. Ron managed to be wacked in the face.

"Alright, now that we have that sorted, I want you to listen, you are not to do anything until I have finished talking. Grip your broom tight with your dominant hand in front; swing your leg closest to the broom over and do not, I repeat, do not push of from the ground." Phoenix just slid over her broom, somehow confident despite her lack of knowledge. All the sudden she looked at Neville who started to float in the air, of course Madame Hooch started yelling at him, but it was no use, he was panicking. Neville was flying all over the place the broom bucked him off. He found himself dangling more than a story up. His shirt ripped and quickly he found himself landing on the ground with a thud. "Mr. Longbottom, let me see your arm, yes, dislocated. I shall take you to Madam Pomphrey. Not a broom is to be off the ground. Anyone caught in the air will be expelled immediately." She declared as she ushered Neville away. "Looks like Fatbottom forgot his Remembrall, too bad he couldn't remember how to stand still. Pity really, how pathetic the standards are here." Said Draco Malfoy. "His parents are Aurors, your father is just a politician," replied Phoenix. "You think he will turn into an Auror, even with his remembral, he can't remember to not fall on his fat ass," said Malfoy with a sneer. "At least he will be better than you." "I think I am going to take this and leave it for Fatbottom to find, maybe on the roof," Malfoy took off on his broom. Phoenix grabbed hers again, Hermione grabbed her arm, "You don't know how to fly. Haven't you been close enough to expulsion for one year?" Phoenix ripped her arm out of Hermione's grasp, jumped on the broom and hurtled toward Malfoy; right as she was getting caught up he threw it. She dived the other way, causing herself to flip in the process, plunging after the sphere she plummeted fifty feet, twisting her broom at the last second before going through a window. She coasted down, and everyone ran up to her giving her high fives, the joy however was short lived, "Phoenix Potter," McGonagall said sternly, "Come with me now."

Phoenix gulped but followed, knowing full well what lay in store for her. They walked to the DADA classroom, Phoenix was unsure of what was occurring, "Professor Quirrell is their anyway I could borrow Wood, only for a bit, of course." Quirrell nodded and went back to his stuttering lecture. _She is going to spank me with some old wood paddle that has probably seen so many misbehaving backsides even I couldn't remember all of them._ All the sudden a kind of burly boy stepped out, "Professor, you wished to see me." "Wood, this is Ms. Potter. Ms. Potter broke multiple rules today during her flying lesson. However, during the process, she flipped her broom, dove 50 feet, and twisted it at the last possible second and caught this", McGonagall grabbed Phoenix's hand with the Remembrall in it. "Wood, I have finally found us a seeker." "She is perfect, not to mention her genetics. Build is good, fast, small. She is going to need a broom and a good one." "Not a problem, it shall be handled." Wood walked around Phoenix, "Let's hope she inherited her dad's skills, if that is the case, she will do better than Charlie." "I have no doubt in her abilities." Phoenix spoke up, "What if I don't want to play?" "Then you can find yourself on the train home tonight," came McGonagall's short reply. "Your threatening me into doing an extra-curricular, that's against the rules." "So is flying without permission, in fact explicit permission not to do so. Madame Hooch sent me a message as soon as she left the class. She made it clear to you what the consequences would be, yet I am giving you a second option. So, join the team, play and practice with 150% effort or be expelled." Phoenix just looked down, "Are you going to tell my mother?" "No, you are," the professor replied curtly, "door number one, yes?" "Yes," mumbled Phoenix.

"We have someone to go see, don't we?" Phoenix nodded. "Potter, practice is at 5 every night and 6 every morning, but I want to see you tomorrow at 4 for your first overview and you can start from there." "Yes sir," Phoenix said trying to sound excited about the punishment. As they walked away Phoenix asked, "Professor that conflicts with my existing detentions, I don't think I can manage all this." "Practice runs for two hours at night, so that will be just enough time to get you to Albus for 7:00 and I will consider this your detention for your previous infractions." Now Phoenix was frustrated, she was actually enjoying learning the spells, but it wouldn't matter after her mother got word of it she would be dead anyway. "Is your mother working right now?" "She should be". "We shall floo there then, in you go."

"Phoenix, what are you," started Lily then upon seeing McGonagall, "What happened now?" Surprisingly, Phoenix did not wait for McGonagall to make a comment, "Do you want the bad news, or the good news?" "I want the truth." "Yes ma'am, as you know, today was our first flying lesson. Neville had some problems with his broom," "I am aware as Alice left early today, but what does this have to do with you?" "Madame Hooch was really angry and said that anyone seen flying would be expelled while she took Neville to the hospital wing. Neville's Remembrall, the one that was his father's, came out of his pocket during the escapade and Malfoy took it and flew off with it so I followed him. And when I got up there he flew around a bit and then threw it, the Remembrall and I flipped backwards, dove 50 feet, and then caught it and twisted right before I would have gone through my head of houses office window." "Is there any good in that," Lily looked at her daughter flabbergasted, but before she could say more Severus walked up behind her and landed a hard SMACK! Across her thigh. "What the hell were you thinking? That is the most idiotic story I have ever heard, and you," he said pointing and Minerva, "How dare you reward her for such atrocious behavior." Lily jumped back in, "What reward?" Phoenix said quickly before being told she wasn't saying the whole truth, "She put me on the Quidditch team, but I promise I don't want to be there." "I need time to digest this," said Lily. "I need time to not murder you," said Sev. "Do you want me to go back to class?" "No, I want you to go stand in that corner," said Lily. "Yes ma'am, and I know it doesn't mean anything, but it wasn't intentional, and I really don't want to play Quidditch." "I'll consider those points thank you for telling me," said Lily. Phoenix walked to the corner of the Auror's staff room, when doing so it finally hit her how embarrassing this would be, but also how embarrassing it must be for her mother. She put her nose deep in the corner hoping it would hide her red cheeks and tearing eyes. She remained silent for a long time, unsure of what to do, it seemed as though hours had past, her knees were about to give in when she heard a soft, "Come over here Phoenix." She turned around, her mother saw the lightly tear stained cheeks, but Phoenix said something first, "I am sorry I embarrassed you in front of your co-workers, that isn't fair to you. You didn't do anything wrong. I did, as usual." "I did do something wrong, we made a deal that all of your punishments were your business and your business only and I broke that deal and I am sorry. That said, it doesn't excuse what has happened today." "Yes ma'am, I understand." "Let's go home."

Sitting in the living room, Phoenix cut right to the chase, "I didn't fail our family today, I failed me, it is my expectation of myself to treat authority figures and everyone I meet with the respect they deserve. I got caught in the moment and I didn't think it through. By doing so, I put my life in danger, a life that I need to respect as much as I respect others, when I put my life in danger I also disrespected all of the sacrifices you ever gave for me. You both have given plenty for me. Then I had the gall to complain about having to be on the Quidditch team, when I know full well I should be expelled. I want you to know that I will accept and appreciate any punishment you have for me so that I can live up to my expectations, those I have not lived up to today and those I have." Lily looked at Sev and smiled, "Well, we have grown up a lot recently, haven't we?" Severus stated, "I am going to spank you today, let's get it over with and move on, I would love to talk to you about the change in attitude I have seen today and because of that attitude we shall keep this a short, but stinging reminder of those expectations you have for yourself."

Severus pulled her over his lap and gave her the promised swats, they hurt, and she was crying, but it wasn't anything like some of those spankings from the last 2 months. "I'm sorry," she mumbled through the tears, "I know, Scout, you're such a good girl, it's all over. Deep breaths." She snuggled into him as if he were a giant teddy bear. He stood up and started to walk her around the room, rocking her quietly. When she had quiet he sat down and pulled her chin up, "I am so proud of you today, maybe the choice wasn't the best, but taking ownership for your life is a very mature thing to do." "Uncle Al and I talked about it in detention last night for a long time." "Is that why you got to skip class this morning?" said Severus. "Yeah, I woke up at noon and totally panicked, but he said it was okay, that he told you all I wouldn't be there." "How late were you there?" "I stayed the night in his apartment, but I was probably up till 4 or 5, I don't really know." "We have got to work on these sleeping habits." "Your telling me, I am the one in 8 am classes after being up all night. I try to go to bed, I really do." "I know Scout. So, what did these expectations come out to?"

Phoenix proceeded to give them back the whole conversation Albus and her had had, "It isn't perfect though, you know I am still working on it." Lily looked at her daughter, "Come over her Love." Phoenix looked down, "You are the most beautiful little girl, and I am not talking about the outside. I love your expectations, and I love you. I want you to be happy with your life, with where you are going, and not where I want you to go. I think this is a great first step, and despite the actions of the day, I am very proud of you today. I am going to say this one more time, just to be incredibly clear. I do not agree with what you did today, you could have gotten hurt. But, that is dealt with and over, now all I can be is proud of your new independence; and I am just that very very proud." Her mom had tears in her eyes, "Oh mum don't, I'm gonna cry again." "Well we wouldn't want that, particularly when every other day we have melt downs in this family." "Yeah, there has been a lot of that lately I suppose, most of it is my fault." "I have thoroughly enjoyed every tear, let's hope from here on out though that they aren't necessary," said Severus. "Good luck with that," replied Lily. "Am I grounded?" Phoenix said jumping in. "No, you're not, but I expect better choices in the future." "Yes ma'am, do I have to play quidditch?" "Is that the punishment McGonagall gave you?" "Yes ma'am" "Then yes ma'am you do." "But" "No buts she let you off lightly, you could have been expelled, would you prefer that." "I just don't want any more pressure from school. I know I said I wouldn't complain about it, but it just ends up being one more way that I am different. Don't you think you could talk her into detention for a year or something?" "Oh Scout, is that why you are so concerned?" "Everyone already looks at me like a piece of meat. What if I mess up? I am not even that good. I just got on a broom today, on a whim, a stupid one. What if I can't even fly without someone's property in danger?" "We need to stop letting you use that," replied Lily. "What?" "What if." "Yeah, I just don't want to let anyone down" "And to think for a second I thought we had gotten past other people's expectations." "They're not other people's they're mine. I don't want to do a crappy job, especially not when it is supposed to be a punishment." "I suppose if that is the case you will just have to practice and get up to snuff." "Yeah, I guess it will be okay." "It's you, it will be more than okay." Commented Severus.

"Alright Scout, I think we should send you back so people don't think I have turned you into a pumpkin." "Great send me back to be eaten alive by my housemates." "You need to be punished by someone for your foolery." "You already spanked me!" "Hardly, compared to the transgression that was nothing, and you know it." "Yeah, I do" "You just tried to make us feel guilty, how very Slytherin of you." "Well, can you blame a girl for wanting to spend the night with her Mum." "Do you want to stay here tonight?" "Yeah, but I know I should head back." "I see no problem with that, as long as you make it to class on time in the morning. I just don't understand why you wouldn't say, hey mum I would really like to spend the night." "Because if I did that I would have to admit that I needed some time away from school, despite the fact that I should be okay with being away from my mother for weeks at a time." "Already playing the misunderstood teenager roll and we're only 11," said Severus. "We're?" "Well I guess if you put it that way, you should go back to school." "No, I want to stay." "I am just joking Scout, come on let's get some food." Dinner was uneventful, Severus only prayed that this was not the calm before the storm. Sure, she seemed happy, but this also meant that she needed to find her balance between listening to people and caring too much, and if he knew anything about Phoenix middle ground was not her usual territory. Phoenix enjoyed her peaceful night, she hoped this would last too, knowing that tomorrow would always come with new challenges as she would forever be the girl who lived.


	10. Chapter 10

Phoenix's life in school calmed down to an extent. She was most concerned about playing quidditch as she constantly felt she was years behind on everything. Oliver was nice, but he expected her to know about quidditch plays used historically in Hogwarts matches and player's styles, which was hard to know considering she had never seen a game. He was always complimenting her on her form, though she didn't even know if she had any. With the match coming up in 10 days Phoenix started to panic, "What if I fall off, or just can't even get off the ground, McGonagall will be so upset and Wood would just lose his whole mind." Severus overheard her talking to her friends. "Not to mention they all have better brooms and I don't even know what I am doing." Hermione rolled her eyes at Phoeniz, "If Professor McGonagall didn't think you could do she wouldn't have put you there and even if you don't do well, you are still Gryffindor's best chance. Besides it's in your blood, you'll be fine." "Blood?" "You don't know," Hermione replied inquisitively. "Know what?" "Follow me, I'll show you." There walk down the corridor was quiet, Phoenix had no idea what she was being dragged into. "What does that plaque say?" "Quiditch Cup: Gryffindor, 1972" "There are 6 of them in a row," stated Hermione, "Now come look at the team plaques. What do they have in common?" Phoenix looked for a minute, "James Potter". "That's right, he was made captain as a third year, something that rarely happens. You will be fine." "What if I can't live up to everyone's expectations that I will be like him?" "You don't have to because you are already better than him since you started a year earlier." "Well, if you say so." At that point Severus knew he had to do something about the broom situation, she was already a nervous wreck, so a little pick me up might help. Lily and Severus went and bought the Nimbus 2000 that night and placed it in the mail to be there in the morning.

As the mail came in the next morning an owl came towards Phoenix with a package that had all of the heads turning in the Great Hall. She smiled as it dropped the broom shaped package in front of her. She pulled the note off which read, "I know you are really worried about the match next weekend, but don't be you will be great." Phoenix looked up at Sev who winked at her, she quietly began unwrapping the package and saw the broom for the first time. "It's a broom." "That's not any broom it's a Nimbus 2000, the fastest broom in the world!" Said Ron At this point the whole Gryffindor team ran over with an excited Oliver Wood stating, "We're going to win for sure now." Phoenix whispered in Ron's ear, "If only I knew how to use it." Ron laughed, "You'll be fine, except that you only have a week to learn how to use a racing broom. But, you're the youngest seeker in a century I am sure you can handle a racing broom. If anyone can, you can!"

The following Saturday came much too soon for Phoenix, that morning she could barely talk herself into getting out of bed. Hermione and Ron were on the same page for once, attempting to push food at her, which she refused until Severus came over and told her he would spoon it into her mouth if necessary. Getting down to the locker rooms was the sign to Phoenix that she needed to get everything figured out. "Wood?" "Don't tell me your nervous Potter. Look my first game was a disaster and look at me, I am fine. The couple weeks after included some snide remarks, but we will be fine. I got hit by a bludger and passed out just minutes in. I wasn't even awake to do a piss poor job. You will do better than that." "What if I don't?" "Than we'll train you some more and you will kick ass the next time. Don't you dare let those nerves get to you. You are the best chance we have had in years." "No pressure." "Look at me Potter, you have more talent in your left hand than most of our players do in their whole bodies. It might go well, it might not, and you might do your job and the rest of us could lose the match. We all do the best we can, and if it doesn't work out we will start over and figure it out for the next time." Phoenix nodded her stomach was still doing summersaults. Wood proceeded to give the whole team a pep talk, that was nothing like a pep talk and more like a pressure talk, which certainly didn't help Phoenix's nerves. They flew out onto the pitch and situated themselves in a circle around the chest of balls. Madame Hooch looked at the players, first at the Slytherin team, then Gryffindor, "Now I expect a fair, clean game, from the whole lot of you. If you don't behave in such a way I shall make sure you don't play for the rest of the year." Phoenix gulped as the chest opened and let the bludger's loose, then the quaffle and finally the snitch. The first 10 minutes of the game were a blur to Phoenix she was so stressed she couldn't think straight, but after she reached that point she settled into her spiraling circles. All of the sudden her broom pulled right, suddenly jerking down, this was just the beginning of the sudden movements, she had no control. She tried to hold on as the jolting movements increased. Now she was hanging off of her broom by her hands. As it jerked she cringed looking down at the more than 30 feet it would be should she fall. No she held on with just one. What she didn't know was that this was caused by someone, it wasn't her fault that her broom wasn't behaving itself.

Hermione had noticed Professor Quirrell speaking and looking intently at PHoenix. Her best option was to distract him to break the jinx and the only spell she knew that could do that involved lighting her professor on fire. Not thinking about possible repercussions, she ran over to where Quirrel was sitting and managed to get her wand to touch the him of his robe, saying the spell his robe lit. Hermione quickly ran out from underneath the stand and by the time she got there Phoenix was back on her broom and appeared more settled. However, Phoenix did look like she was going to throw up at any moment. It was almost an hour before any glimpse of the snitch happened. Phoenix kept flying, but she was exhausted. Finally, she saw it, out of the corner of her eye, and without thinking about it she plummeted towards the ground, the Slytherin seeker obviously saw her and followed as she moved straight towards the ground, the Slytherin seeker pulled out. She knew she could pull it out, or at least in the moment her mind said she could. By the time she reacted and pulled up, she was right on the snitch, but her broom was inches off the ground. She pushed herself up so she was standing on her broom and put her arm forward to try and catch the snitch. At this point everyone else playing quidditch stopped and watched her. She ended up flipping off of the front of her broom, skidding on her stomach to a hault. As she sat on the ground her stomach heaved and the snitch came out of her mouth with some stomach bile attached. At first she was disgusted, but after she saw the snitch in her hand she was relieved, it was over, she had done it. She held it up in the air and smiled, her teammates rushed to congratulate her, although no one wanted to touch her hands. She couldn't stop smiling as she felt included for the first time in her life.

After changing, she was given a message from Professor McGonagall that Severus wanted to see her and that he and her mother would be in his quarters. She assumed they were excited for her, she had lived up to her father's name after all. As she opened the door to the quarters her assumptions were immediately proven wrong. "Phoenix Potter what were you thinking flying like that, you could have been killed!" rang Lily's voice through the living room. "Mum I was, I don't," Phoenix stammers. "I'll tell you what you were: reckless. And I'll tell you what you don't do: think," Severus stated fully enraged. "That's the game though, people get hurt, you were the ones who made me play. I didn't even want to." "Regardless, you seemed to have a good time, breaking all safety precautions. There are rules, rules that keep you safe from the reality. The risk is supposed to be calculated, but with you behaving like this, I cannot fathom the amount of danger you placed yourself in." "You make it seem like you found me in the Forbidden Forest, this isn't like that at all! You don't even get it, you can ruin something positive faster than anyone I know." "You don't even know how petrified I was today when your body was hanging off of the broom." "That wasn't my fault," she was interrupted by her mother, "No it wasn't, but you should never have continued to place yourself in dangerous situations after you knew something was wrong." "Me standing on a broom had nothing to do with someone hexing my broomstick." What was supposed to be a lecture had obviously turned into a fully blown argument.

"Obviously, you don't understand the gravity of the situation. I thought we could get away with lecturing you, but you have made it apparent that you have learned absolutely nothing. As such, you have 2 weeks of detention with me, including the weekends. We will start your nightly detentions at seven every night. On Saturday and Sunday you will present yourself at nine and will remain until I give you leave. I will say that you shouldn't expect to spend time with your friends on these days." Severus finished with one of his glares, this girl was always into something. "The school has no rule against what I did today, but you are giving me a school punishment, that seems fair." Phoenix scoffed, rolling her eyes. "If you know what is good for you you will drop the attitude. If you must consider them a home punishment, call them chores." "Can I go now?" Phoenix muttered out with as much attitude as she dared. "Yes, your detentions start on Monday, as I already have made plans with your mother tomorrow." Phoenix didn't say anything and walked out of the room. Regardless, Severus said a "goodbye" and "I love you" while she walked out. Phoenix was fuming mad, this was supposed to be her moment, but somehow they managed to ruin that too. She didn't go back to her common room, where she knew a celebration was occurring in her honor. She went out to the lake and sat on her typical stump that she transfigured into a chair. She summoned a bunch of rocks to her and skipped them angrily into the water. When the sun went down she remained by the lake, she only left 15 minutes before curfew to get back to her room. When she got there the whole team was still in the common room. They all noticed that she was upset. "You aren't in any trouble are you?" asked Wood. "I have detentions for 2 weeks" "But you didn't break any school rules!" said Fred and George. "I am acutely aware. I brought up the same point, they then referred to them as extra chores." Fred and George jumped back in, "That is completely unfair. You didn't even do anything wrong." Wood, obviously wanting to change the subject, said, "You played great today, way better than was to be expected." "Thanks Wood, and no offense to anyone, but I don't need any extra help getting into trouble, so I really should get to bed." She was so angry, sitting in her bed absolutely fuming, somehow they had the ability to tear her down even about her best of days. Sleep, as usual, was non-existent for Phoenix, but tonight it was not her typical insomnia, but rather an anger driven restless night.

The last thing Phoenix wanted to do was see Snape, and yes that was how she was referring to him for the time being. Unfortunately, she had double potions Monday morning so she couldn't avoid him for much longer. McGonagall ran into her Monday morning, "I know your parents are angry, but I want you to know that you played very well on Saturday." "Thank you Professor." "Severus is really beat up about you being cross with him, maybe you should try talking to him." Phoenix just shook her head. "But why wouldn't you?" inquired McGonagall hoping to get Severus some pointers. "Because it is my choice, and right now I choose to be angry." Mcgonagal raised her eyebrows, "Well it is your choice, but your life would be far better if you just talked to him." "I am talking to him, as my professor, but nothing else," said Phoenix. Finishing the conversation abruptly with, "I need to get to class," Phoenix walked away.

Phoenix was dreading the day ahead and it proved to be terrible. Classes were boring, and normally she looked forward to the night time after class with her friends, but now with detention all she would be able to do was get done with practice and get her homework done, not to mention the pending double potions lesson. She always sat in the front right seat of the class room, but today she sat in the back, in the farthest chair away from where Snape lectured. Hermione refused to sit with her on account of "her educational needs," making the class all that more miserable.

As soon as Snape walked in she knew it was going to be the worst class ever. "Potter sit up and pay attention. I will not allow you to daydream in my classroom, even if it is just to pout." "I am not pouting", growled Phoenix. "Then why aren't you paying attention or taking notes? You are pouting, and I will not allow you to disrupt my classroom due to such petulance. 10 points from Gryffindor for your cheek by the way. You will stop this abhorrent attitude this instant or you can spend the rest of class facing the corner like the child you are acting like. Is that understood?" Phoenix somehow managed to make an even worse face than she had already been making, and ground out a low "Yes". "Yes Sir" Severus responded. "I am very clearly a ma'am, maybe you should get your eyes checked professor." Severus looked stunned, "I'm sorry". "Apology accepted." "Get in that corner now!" Phoenix just looked at him, not moving nor daring to say another thing. "You can loose 25 points for your house and get your butt over there and take your zero for the day, or I will ensure that your house looses 50 and that you spend all of your spare time in detention. This is the second time you have caused a disturbance in my classroom and it won't happen again. Now go." Phoenix got up and surprisingly did as she was told, but a second later she felt a hard swat on her bottom, Quickly followed by a room full of laughter. She was embarrassed, but more than that her pride was shattered. He promised not to punish her in front of her classmates, but he broke the promise at his first chance. It was a long class, making Phoenix spend over an hour and a half in the corner before finally being called out as the sounds of students leaving the class filled the room. "What happened today Miss Potter?" "Nothing," Phoenix replied looking down. "It was certainly something, but if you don't want to deal with it then perhaps a detention at 3 every afternoon for a month will fix the issue." "But sir, I have quidditch practice." "What a shame that would be, Gryffindor losing the quidditch cup all because you couldn't talk to your professor." "Sorry," she replied. "I don't think you are, I think you are still angry at me for your home punishment. I don't know how many times I have told you that I will not play favorites." Phoenix just looked down, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things." "No you certainly shouldn't have," Severus now recognized he wasn't going to get anywhere with the girl, "Your 2 weeks of detention have turned into 3 including the weekend. Any other misbehavior and I will have you suspended. Are we understood Miss Potter?" "Yes sir." "Good, I will not hesitate to punish you for rule breaking. Now go I will see you at seven." Phoenix left without another word, this clearly was far worse of a day than she expected, but alas, practice called. Practice was uneventful, though everyone knew her heart wasn't in it. At dinner Phoenix didn't say a word, not to her friends, nor to her enemies. Instead, she sat in her thoughts, preparing for the war zone that would be her nightly detentions.

Knowing how Severus would treat her tonight was enough to scare her away, regardless of the actual punishment. Walking to the dungeon seemed to take hours, but she knew she was more than ten minutes early out of fear of what he would do if she was late. She half thought that the now empty classroom would have her mother in it so she could get a "I'm disappointed in you" speech, but her mother wasn't there, at least, not yet. In fact, Severus wasn't even there yet. So, she sat in silence yet again.

Minutes later, Snape walked in with his typical saunter, "Ms. Potter, you're early, guess you want to get it over with. Tonight you will be dissecting bats and appropriately pickling their pieces. All of the supplies you need are there." He said pointing towards the table on the left side of the room. Phoenix didn't say a thing, feeling as if she may vomit if she opened her mouth. These bats were disgusting, and she knew Snape picked them to prove a point. She was grateful though that he didn't send her mother in to spank her. Two and a half hours past before anything was said between the two of them. Severus decided that if she wanted to choose the hard way, than that was what she was going to get. "Alright Ms. Potter, that will be enough for today." "Professor, may I see my mother?" "Tonight?" "Yes sir." "I really shouldn't, but I suppose you can, but we shall floo together. I need to go home for the night." That comment made her blood boil, he was now referring to her mother's house as home, When they got back to the house he led her into the living room. "I'll get your mum."

"Why does she want to talk to me?" "I have no idea Lily, but like I said earlier, we had our fair share of head butts today." "Yes and I want to give her a piece of my mind about that!" "Lily, I have already done that, what she needs from you is the security that things are okay. I was more than a little firm today and you know how sensitive she can be. Plus, she had to deal with some mocking from her peers, which is something she struggles with. I regret that swat, it just sort of happened before I realized what room I was in. It will take a while for her to forgive me for that. I am hoping she eases up on the attitude so I can use the detentions to rebuild our trust." "I know you regret that swat, but I want you to remember that it was in no ways abusive to the child. You thought that she was out of line and you dealt with it." "But, the look in her face when it happened, it was as if I tore her pride and heart in two." "Those are her feelings to deal with, any parent would have done what you did. She was out of line." Lily gave him a quick kiss before heading out the bedroom door, "I'm going to go talk to Miss Trouble."

Phoenix was playing with the thread on the edge of her skirt that was little by little unraveling. "Hey Trouble, I hear you had a rough day?" Phoenix nodded. "Well I am not going to talk to you about that unless that is what brought you here." Phoenix shook her head. "Surely you didn't want to come here just to shake your head at me, what's up Scout?" She swallowed and then started in a really quiet voice, "Well I, um, I have been trying to be more honest about my feelings, with myself and everyone else. And I think today shows what I have been feeling for a while." Lily just looked at her daughter, confused as to what she was addressing. "I um, well, I don't think I'm ready for your relationship with Severus to be where it is. Things moved really quickly and I thought I was ready, but I just kept telling you I was because I wanted you to be happy. But I am not happy, my relationship with you isn't even very good right now. This weekend solidified that you have no idea what brings me joy, what means the most to me. Today on the way over, Severus called this his home and it bothered me because I don't even feel at home here anymore. I'm sorry, but I, I am just not ready."

Lily looked at her daughter with a blank face, "Phoenix, I can't change my feelings about Severus. I know this has been hard on you, but we are still learning to adjust. I am sorry you aren't feeling comfortable, and we will work on that. We won't move any farther forward until you get up to speed." "You already have sex with him, he sleeps here most nights, you basically act married except for the rings, what is there to not move forward with?" "Phoenix I can see in your eyes that you feel I am choosing him over you. I am not, but I have to be allowed to be happy too. Severus is more than my fiancé, he is my best friend, I would never ask you to leave your best friend." "It's different." "It really isn't Love. I know I am asking you to take the high road again, one that doesn't allow for selfishness, but I need you to try."

"You think I am selfish?" "I think what you are asking me to do is selfish." Phoenix tried to blink back the tears, "I, its uh, you know, curfew in a minute, I should go." Phoenix ran towards the floo and practically threw herself in it whilst her mum asked her to stop. Lily knew she had just made a great mistake. They probably never should have had that conversation when her daughter was already this upset, but she wanted her to feel listened to. Instead, it caused the exact opposite of the desired effect.

Running to her room as fast as she could, never thinking for a second, she ran past the common room without a glance. Everyone in the common room knew that something was wrong, they assumed it was her detention with Snape, unknowing of the issue with her mother. When she got back to her room she changed quickly and then threw herself onto her bed and couldn't even get tears to form. Instead she just laid there feeling completely alone.

Waking up the only thought in her head was _thank God I don't have Potions today._ Inevitably her mother will have talked about this with Severus. So, her main plan for the day would be avoiding the both of them, as well as McGonagall who would inevitably have been tainted.

Hermione looked at her when she came down to breakfast, "What's wrong?" "Nothing is wrong." "Yes something is." "Just back off." Said Phoenix hotly. Hermione responded in a yell, "You know what, you can pretend to all of them that you are fine, but you aren't. So let me explain this, your tie is off center, your hair is a mess, your shirt is partially untucked. So, yes, tell the whole world you are okay, but even when you had a sleepless night your presentation was perfect. And by the way until you determine that you aren't okay and are honest with me, don't talk to me." Phoenix just looked around the room, everyone was staring at her again, including Snape and McGonagall. She picked up her things and left, not in haste, but with what little dignity she had left.

She took some deep breaths as she entered into the History of Magic classroom. She sat in the far back pulled out her parchment to take notes on. Hermione looked at her on the way in, but Phoenix averted her eyes. Class was boring, but more so then that it was dreadful, having no friends to sit at lunch with and to make faces at in classes. No one wanted to be her partner in Herbology so she did the project herself, which meant that it took her longer than everyone else. She hadn't had breakfast and gave up on lunch after everyone stared at her.

Afternoon classes were worse, probably because she was starving. Practice was a disaster; Wood hounded her about her shoulder position and then made the whole team do extra conditioning. She was exhausted, and now she had to look forward to dinner, which she inevitable wouldn't eat, and detention would be miserable, which could be made worse if her mother showed up. As usual, she sucked it up put on a smiling face and walked into the Great Hall. Every open spot with her house that she tried to sit down in the person next to it would set something down in it and promptly state, "Taken".

One person even said, "I don't sit next to babies who are still spanked by their daddies." Phoenix curled her lips in, made a hard swallow, picked her head up and walked out. Severus had to say he was impressed, she hadn't acted out, she hadn't said anything. She was acting as an adult, something she had done her whole life, pretend like she was an adult when she wasn't. This was the Phoenix that she was at the beginning of the summer. Now he saw it, how they had claimed to want this Phoenix back, but this child wasn't living, she was surviving. All they had wanted this summer was this Phoenix back, but this Phoenix was silently miserable. This defeated state seemed so natural for her, it broke his heart and he wanted to take that kid and slam his head into the wall. Tonight, things would change. He didn't care what would have to happen, he needed to see that sparkle in her eyes, even if it meant some disobedience along the way. Phoenix deserved to be a child, to be cheeky and defiant.

She knocked to walk into the potions classroom, Severus said a quiet "Come in". Phoenix hesitantly opened the door, half expecting to see her mother. Lily wasn't present. The seat where she had done her punishment last night had a plate of food on it. "Hey, I saw that you hadn't eaten all day, so before we get started I want you to get some food in your belly." "Thank you, Sir", Phoenix said, despite wanting to protest she gladly ate the food. After she finished Severus began, "I know you are here for detention, but after what I have seen today, I feel it may be better to just have a talk." "I'm supposed to be punished." "I think your housemates have done enough of that for the day." "Yeah," Phoenix responded looking down. "Look, I am not sure what you and your mum talked about yesterday, but I know she was upset at whatever happened. If you want to talk about that with me I am more than willing to listen. Or if you want to talk about the incident between us from the other day, I am more than willing to listen." "There is nothing to talk about." "I don't believe that for a minute." "I can't talk about it with you." "Well that is a different matter then there is nothing to talk about." "Is she real mad?" "Is she really mad? And no, I think she is worried that you are upset, which I think would be a good assumption considering you haven't eaten all day." "That's because the other kids won't let me sit with them. I tried." "Why didn't you come to see me?" "I um, well, was avoiding you." "Why?" "Because I was avoiding you." "Yes, I believe we have established that you were avoiding me, but why were you avoiding me?" "Oh" Said Phoenix looking down. "Oh?" Severus pushed. "I didn't want to have to talk to you." "Because the thought of this conversation was that bad." "I guess." "Come here my Lion." Severus pulled her on his lap, "You just can't catch a break can you." "You're the one who smacked me." Said Phoenix quietly, "That's why I couldn't eat." "If you're looking for an apology." "I'm not" "It sounds like you are." Phoenix just shrugged. "Your behavior was unwarranted." "Yeah, but…" Phoenix stopped herself. "But?" questioned Severus. "But it was home punishment. As my professor you couldn't do that." "You are correct. I suppose I did not see it this way at the time, but you are correct. I didn't uphold my part of the bargain. No home punishments unless it was something a parent would normally be notified of." "It wasn't like mum wouldn't have been told. I was really bad." "No, but it shouldn't have happened." "You promised you wouldn't punish me in front of the others. My housemates won't even talk to me." "I know. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I can make sure your colleagues don't pick on you though. I want to know if anything happens tomorrow alright?" "Yeah, okay."

"What about your mum, what happened there?" "I said I couldn't talk about it with you." "Do you want to make an appointment with a therapist? There is no shame in saying yes." "No." "Do you want to talk about it with your mum?" "No!" Phoenix looked down knowing she had given herself away. "Love, you can't be mad forever." "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." Phoenix replied in the same tone her mother would have used. Severus ran his hand through her hair. "She said I was selfish" Phoenix whispered. "Selfish?" said Severus, "You, you are the most selfless person I know. You made yourself sick this summer because of your want for your mother to be happy. I can't imagine your mother saying that." "She had a good reason." "Which was?" "I said I wasn't ready" "Ready for what?" "Us, this, the kids saying my daddy spanked me. You calling my house home. I want to be, but I'm not. I have tried to be, but its not working. She got upset, said that I was selfish, or that my asking her to not move forward was, but I knew what she meant." "Try not to put words in her mouth, Love. She was quite upset when you left last night. You two have been fighting a lot lately. I am not going to take sides and get in the middle. I just can't, I have a duty to both of you. Recently, I have been quite conflicted about what to do and who to back. It puts me in a hard spot." "You used to support me." "That was before I had more than a friendship with your mother. I was the peacekeeper, sure, but I wasn't in a relationship with your mother. It complicates things a bit." "That's why I said I wasn't ready." "Can you explain further" said Sev, showing his concern. "I need you to be for me. I don't have people who are for me. And I can't lose you, like that. I just can't. Maybe it is selfish, but I need you. I need someone to go to, to tell that my mum and I are fighting, that my housemates won't talk to me, instead of being the person who is causing the problems. I don't have a lot of people in my corner and a lot of the time my mum and I are in the same one. But with increasing frequency were not and I need you. I'm sorry, but I just can't." "Okay, I'll call it off." Phoenix burst into tears. "That's what you want right Scout? That is what you need from me?" Phoenix nodded, "My mum, she deserves." "No, stop, she is your mother, she loves you and this will be hard, but she loves you. She won't do this if it is hurting you." "Last night, you should have seen her, she was so broken just thinking about it." "She was broken when you left. She was broken when you ran away this summer because you weren't coping. It's okay Phoenix. This doesn't have to be about your mother. It can be about you." "She has given up so much." "So have you, Love, so have you."

They sat in near silence for a while, Phoenix was quietly crying for most of it. Severus held onto her, he didn't say anything, but he quietly carded his hand through her hair. Occasionally he would kiss forehead. Her breathing started evening out, but Severus continued his ministrations. He heard this small voice, "You can't do that. She will never forgive me." "Love, she will understand." "No, you can't." "I owe her to tell her. If this is what we are doing I owe her. She deserves to know." "Noooo-ooo." The despair in her voice made his breath hitch. "Phoenix," he said pulling her closer, "Phoenix, my love, your mother loves you. She will understand. She knows that this is too much." "She couldn't earlier." "We will talk my love, it's okay, she will come to understand." "She loves you!" "I know and that's all I need to know. It's okay for us to slow it down a bit. It doesn't mean we love each other any less." "I love you to. I don't know why I can't do it." "That is perfectly alright. Perhaps we underestimated your emotional needs." "I'm fine." "Yes, certainly, that is why you cry every other day."

"I can do it. I just need some time." "Of course you can do it. I don't doubt that, but I want you to have some time to know this is really what you want. You gave me permission, but I don't think you knew everything it included. Life has been moving really fast Little One. Honestly, I didn't expect your mother to take to it as quickly as she did." "I wish she didn't." "You wish she said no." "No, I just, well everything has been moving so fast. I'm not ready for you to see me house as home or call you dad. I'm just not. I don't even feel at home there right now, why should you?" "So there is a bit of jealousy worked in? Hmm, well I am not sure what to do about that." "I'm not jealous." "You are, of the time I spend with your mother, perhaps the comfort I feel, the hominess of your house." "I just don't feel close with Mum and I don't even feel at home anymore. I'm not jealous, it just hurts. You said she could love me and you, but I'm not so sure she can. Maybe I'm just too needy." "You get to be needy Little One, you are barely 11 years old. Give yourself a break sometimes. You don't have to solve every problem in the world. Your mother and I should be doing that."

"I don't solve anything, I just cause problems." "Don't believe that, not for a second. You solve many problems." "Name one?" "Well, your father and I hated each other. Not school rivalry, but hatred. He and I did not speak at the wedding, even though I was a part of the wedding party. They had two best men and I was one of them. I stood on your father's left and he couldn't so much as look at me. We were civil only for your mother's sake. Then a certain little girl comes around and she smiled and laughed and threw vegetables at both of us. We both loved you so much that the differences seemed to be less important. We began mending fences and I am proud to say that when your father passed we were friends. That is because of a certain Little One who happens to think they ruin everything." "That was all you though, I didn't do anything." "On the contrary, we couldn't have done it without you. You used to scream anytime we began being cross towards one another. One mean look from me towards your father and this sound from a banshee came out of your mouth. We learned to behave. You trained us well." Phoenix smiled lightly, snuggling in towards Sev. "I don't want you to call it off. I think that is what Mum thinks." "Then what do you want us to do." "Just slow it down." "Meaning what, I need some concrete things to work with." "You can't sleep over, no um you know. You should have formal dates, not just interacting as if you are already married." "I shall pledge my celibacy to you then?" "It's not really about that. Just that you guys got engaged and all the sudden you were moved in and having sex and making breakfast. It just is a lot." "If I were to avoid the other things, would it be okay if I had sex with your mother? It is okay to say no." "Um, I don't know. I don't really feel comfortable." "It's okay for this to feel awkward, I am just trying to determine what you need from me." "I guess its okay if you have sex. It is kind of weird me telling you not to." Severus smiled at her, "We are not exactly a normal family either Love." "But you better not get her pregnant." Severus smiled at the girls protective instincts. "I think we know how to avoid that." He said with a wink. One of his favorite parts of Phoenix was she was willing to have these conversations with him, he always felt it was an honor. "So no making breakfast, no sleeping over, fornication is okay, but no pregnancy. What else?"

"You can't call my house home." "Okay, I shall simply call it your house." "I don't think you should be allowed to decide my punishments unless my mum specifically leaves me in your care. It is too much at school to try and figure out if my future step-father is scolding me, or if my professor is. And, really I'm not ready for you to scold me as my step-father at all. You just kind of started doing it and it hurts, a lot." A couple more tears fell out of her deep green eyes. Severus quietly dried her eyes with his thumb, "Okay, no problem. Can I ask you something?" "I guess." "I have watched you before, and even spanked you before, why does it matter so much now?" "It just feels like I'm being ganged up on. I don't know, it is different though." "There have been times that your mother felt you needed a firm hand and had me come and deal with you even though I was not there for your misdeeds. Were you comfortable then?" "Yeah, it didn't bother me." "Why not?" "Well, when you did it then I knew it was the only punishment I would get. But now it seems like everything just escalates and one punishment turns into three. Then you are mad, mum looses it, and I feel like you are doing something to me, not for me." "Perhaps your mother and I could take some co-parenting classes? Would you think that would be helpful? Because what it sounds like is that you feel like you are going through double jeopardy, which means your mother and I are acting independently when it comes to you." "What's double jeopardy" "It means you are being tried multiple times for the same act." "Oh, yeah that is how it feels." "Then, you have double jeopardy between us, and then again between me as your professor. Which is how we get to triple punishments, yes?" "Yeah."

"So we have some more work to do." "I guess" "Love, we just need to make some adjustments is all. I am very proud of you for telling me how you are feeling. I know it is hard, my little ;ion." "I shouldn't be in Gryffindor, I can't even tell my mum I'm upset." "Of course you are a Gryffindor." "I'm not, I don't even fit in there." "Love, what do you mean?" "Iii" her voice cracked, "I told the hat to put me there. I don't really belong in Gryffindor. I don't really belong anywhere." Severus pulled her in tighter, "The hat wouldn't have listened if he didn't feel like you belonged. He just wouldn't have. He has never gotten it wrong before. You are no exception." "I told him where to send me." "It doesn't mean you don't belong there." "I don't have courage; I'm not brave."

"You have been through more than most children your age. Naturally, it means you have more to be afraid of, because you are more aware. Your classmates live without fear because they live in ignorance. I wish I could say the same for you, but this is not the case. Bravery isn't about not being afraid. It is about facing the world while knowing how scary it is. Your classmates are not as brave as you, just because they are unafraid." "I just don't fit in anywhere." "You fit right here, right with me. You have always fit and always will. I love that your different from your peers. They will catch up eventually, and once they do, you won't feel so awkward. But until then, you've got me and your mum, not to mention Sirius and Remus. All of us love you very much, not to mention all of the rest of your aunts and uncles. We are all here my Lion." "I've been a mess lately." "We are all messes at times."

"I just feel like I get everything together and then it falls apart again." "It's a normal part of growing up, but it is more difficult for you because of everything you have been through. Don't let it get you down little one. It will get better." "You keep saying that" "Because it is true. I should get your mother so we can chat." "Not now, please, just not now." "Love we need to deal with this, we might as well do it tonight." "Please, we can wait until tomorrow." "Love, today has already been bad, so I might as well finish it off. Let's not drag this on to tomorrow. I won't do it without your acceptance, but I really do believe it should happen this evening." The quiet nod was all the support he needed. He left Phoenix on the couch, kissing her head before flooing to Lily's house.

"Sev, is that you?" "Yes it is me." "Your early, I thought you would be later. Didn't you have detention with Phoenix tonight?" "I did, which is why I am here." "What is it now?" said Lily with exasperation dripping from her voice. "We all need to have a talk. Phoenix is in my office." "Sev, is she at all repentant or is this just a blow up waiting to happen?" "It will not be a blow up if you listen to me." "I don't need you to tell me how to talk to my daughter." "She is absolutely a mess. She thinks you won't forgive her for feeling the way she does. I have agreed to slow down our relationship because if I don't we will lose her. She has made progress, but otherwise we will go backwards. We are moving backwards. She is emotionally where she was a few months ago. She needs you to look at this through her eyes. She is struggling at school, and maybe it is selfish, but she is an 11 year old girl who does everything for everyone else. Just come and look at her, look at her eyes and see the pain and shame and move from there." "She is really that far gone?" "I wish she wasn't" "Okay, let's go talk about it."

Back at Hogwarts Phoenix had her knees against her chest on the couch. Her chin was resting in between them. Lily walked up to her kneeling on the ground trying to get Phoenix to look at her. It was a struggle, at this moment Lily knew the damage that was done. Lily sat on the couch and pulled Phoenix onto her lap. "Scout, are you going to tell me what is going on?" Phoenix let out a whimper. "Scout I'm trying to figure out what is going on, please just tell me?" "I already did." "I didn't react very well last night, but I want to know more than just that Love. I want to know why you are so upset." "You think I'm selfish." "No, I don't. I thought that what you were saying was selfish, but I don't see it that way anymore. I'm not even sure I felt that way then. I just was upset and I jumped at you. I don't have the best temper Love, I apologize for that." "You don't think I'm selfish?" "No, I was just upset. And I guess shocked a bit. You seem like you are getting along with Severus." "I do, but as my friend. He has always been my friend."

"The transition is what isn't going well then?" "I just need him right now. I need him as my friend, not as an authority figure. I don't need another person being disappointed in me. I can't do it." "Why would Severus be disappointed?" "I don't know, but he always is. And I am not doing well at school. I thought I would have friends, but almost everyone thinks I'm weird." Lily kissed her head, "Scout, you can't let those people get to you. But as long as you need us to wait we will. However, if that is what we are doing I want us to have family dinners once a week so we can start making slow progress. Obviously jumping in was just too much. We will move forward nice and slow. Severus said you and him had come to some agreement, can you tell me what that was so we can abide by it?" "We talked about you having formal dates, and not having Sev sleep over and make breakfast. He is not allowed to call our house his house, and he isn't allowed to punish me or scold me." Severus jumped in, "And I'm not allowed to get you pregnant, but after some discussion sex was allowed." Lily giggled momentarily at the matter of fact statement.

"Severus has punished you in the past, but you feel uncomfortable now?" "Um, Severus said earlier about um double jeopardy. And I think that is my problem, I just feel like I keep getting punished multiple times for the same thing and it hurts." "Okay, I can see how that would happen." "I'm jealous" whispered Phoenix while making eye contact with her mother for the first time. "Jealous? Of what?" "Him." "Yes, that part I gathered." "He feels at home with you at our home and I don't anymore." "After the weekly dinner, you will spend the night at our house, just the two of us, so we have our own time. I love you and I love him too. But it will not change how much I love you. We just need to make sure you have anough time to realize this." "Sometimes you pick him and sometimes he picks you over me." "So we need to learn to share a little. I also need to make sure we aren't having only negative interactions." "You are all I have, the both of you." "But it is all staying in the family, yes?" "I guess, I am trying not to be upset. Really I am."

"I know Love, and I want you to tell me how you are feeling. I'm sorry for jumping down your throat. You are eleven, you are allowed to be upset and have a temper. Look at me, I am in my 30's and lost my temper just a few days ago. We will keep working on it. Sometimes parents make mistakes. One of the big mistakes is that I make is that I hold you to a higher standard then I hold myself. I just want you to be better person than I am." "I would be happy if I was half as good of a person as you are." "I love you Scout. I just want what is best for you, and half of me is not what is best for you." "It's still better than every body else." Lily smiled and placed a kiss on her daughter's temple. She was reminded of how much her daughter idolized her. "So is the squad back together again?" asked Severus. Phoenix just nodded into her mother's chest. "As it should be," replied Lily. "It's late, why don't you go home with your Mum. Love?" "Are you going to come?" "I am not allowed to spend the night, as we have agreed." "Yeah, but you could still come for awhile." "Is that what you want?" "Yeah. As my friend." "Alright then, but I will abide by the go home policy." Phoenix nodded.

They got back to the house and Lily said, "Love why don't you go upstairs and change and I will make us some tea, chamomile with some lavender. It will help us wind down the night." Phoenix nodded. Severus looked at Lily, "She never makes it easy, but she is always worth it." "I couldn't have said it better myself." "Why don't you go up and change too, I have a feeling you will end up carrying her to bed with you." "Alright then." She kissed him on the cheek, "We don't deserve you." "I don't deserve anything"

Phoenix came down in her pajamas and saw Sev in the kitchen. She was looking down, obviously uncomfortable. Severus called her over and wrapped his arms around her. "Your mum will be down. We decided she should change so you two can go to bed after tea without any extra effort." He ran his hands through her hair. "Other than me, how are your classes going?" "Good, I guess. I like transfiguration and charms. Quirrell is really weird though." "Professor Quirrell, Love. But there is a reason I don't sit next to him at dinner." He said with a wink. Phoenix smiled up at him, "He doesn't seem very strong, I don't know, maybe I spend too much time around the aurors." "I don't think it is about being an auror. The man is afraid of his own shadow. He is just plain weird, but just make sure you are respectful at school." "Yeah, I wish we could move faster through the material, but I know it wouldn't be fair to everyone else." "Well if you get bored, you and I could do some experimenting. I have been having some fun with moonstones." "As long as you don't drone on." "Of all the cheek, .Drone." He said very seriously. "Yes you do. Mr. "I can teach you how to put a stopper in death."" "I don't sound like that." "Yes, you totally do." "Of all the cheek, Little Miss. The deal is no droning on, and I guess I can accept that. As long as you agree to help, you always have been my best helper." "Yeah okay, but no long-winded lectures about mystical properties." "Only the non-mystical ones then." He said with a smirk. Lily walked back in with tea, "Whose properties are we talking about?" "Moonstones." "How fascinating." Said Lily, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "I'll have you know they are very interesting." "Yes, well I am sure that they are. Love, I want you to drink your tea and then we will get into bed. It is already late and I don't think Professor McGonagall will put up with you falling asleep in class." "Maybe not, but I think I could pull it off against Aunt Nerva." "I wouldn't risk it Scout. If you ever actually piss her off the detentions are hell." "How would you know, you never had detention Sev." "That is correct, I never got in trouble while growing up. A perfect angel I was, but you know I heard stories." Lily snorted, "Don't believe him for a second. I spent at least 5 detentions with him in our first year alone." "So I still hold the family record?" "No Love, your Dad holds that record. I think he spent more time in detention than in class until OWL year." "Which is one of the reasons he spent so much time in detention if I recall correctly." Said Severus. Phoenix smiled lightly, her eyes already drooping. "You aren't long for the world Scout." "Yes I am, I'm not even tired." Lily went and wrapped her arms around her daughter, "Always my little fighter. You got that from your Dad too, don't blame me for it."

"Not fair." "Mmm, the typical tired whinging, it's almost as if you haven't changed a bit." "Your ganging up on me." "Yes we have a tendency to that." Said Lily. Severus jumped in, "especially for group hugs. So much ganging up." He said as he wrapped his arms around her other side. "Looks like a Phoenix sandwich to me." Mashed between the two of them Phoenix made a little noise. Severus kissed the top of her head. It was a few minutes later of comfortable silence, back rubs and head kisses before Severus said, "Love I need to head out, otherwise I will fall asleep on the couch." "Yeah, I love you." "I love you too Scout. Sleep well."


	11. Chapter 11

The weeks were going on and Phoenix finally seemed to have hit her swing at school. She had become close to a boy named Ron, much to Severus' frustration. She had also befriended Neville, who Severus enjoyed, and she had an off and on relationship with a girl named Hermione. Severus was unsure of her, but he let Phoenix feel her way out.

"Lily I'm here" said Severus. "Hi Sev, I'm in the kitchen." Severus walked in to see her cooking. "How was your day Sev?" "It was alright. I'm a little worried about Phoenix." "What about her?" "Well she has made friends with this girl and she is probably the only girl in the class that can keep up with Phoenix academically." "Phoenix has a friend! That is great!" "She has three. One of which I like. The others are on my list." Lily giggled. "What?" said Severus. "You have gotten all protective, it's sweet." "I am not sweet. But she isn't the best at choosing friends." "Explain." "Ronald is beneath her." "Severus, you sound like Lucius." "Not in that way. Listen, he doesn't apply himself, he isn't particularly intelligent, he isn't kind. He just does not have a redeemable quality as far as I can see. Ms. Granger is smart, very smart, but she also has a mean streak and she gets jealous. I just don't want Phoenix getting in the cross fire. Especially because Ronald tends to bring out the worst in Granger. And Granger is intimidated by Phoenix because of how smart she is. I like Neville." "Alice's boy." "Yes. He isn't the brightest, but he tries hard and is kind. That is what matters to me. Ronald isn't an idiot actually, but like most Gryffindors, he ignores any use that he could have by being lazy." "She will be fine. These are good lessons for her to learn. Maybe she won't keep all of them as friends." "She seems to be leaning towards Ronald. I want her to lean towards Neville. He is far more sensible." "You also like Alice." "I don't have an issue with the Weasleys either." "Ronald is one of Molly's children?" "Yes."

"You can't blame him for the twins' antics." "I like the twins more than I like him. They are intelligent and true to themselves. Ronald just is lazy and seems like he is making friends with Phoenix to get popularity. There is just something off about him. Both him and Granger get weirdly jealous and it makes me uneasy. Phoenix doesn't even see it because she has basically never had friends before." Lily smiled, "I wonder why she is friends with Neville now. We have had playdates before with the two of them because of Alice and I being friends, but they never really hit it off." "I'm not sure, but if any of them pull anything I will have them cleaning cauldrons until they graduate."

"Halloween is coming up, has she been doing okay with that?" "I think so, but it is likely it will be a hard day without you there. It will probably be worse because she is still conflicted about me being present in your lives". "She isn't fighting with you, is she?" "No, I would have told you that. But I also have not been pushing my authority either." "You can't go completely soft or we will end up going through a boundary pushing phase. That's what they told us, at the co-parenting class." "I just don't want her to be that hurt again. You should have seen how broken she was at school. I realized that day that she puts on a good face and makes it through every day with a mask on. I don't want to be the reason for the mask. Because the mask comes off and she cries herself to sleep." "I wish she would go see someone, there is no shame in it, but she won't go. I suppose that is why we have to get as much help as we can." "I just want to feel more level with her. We were going back and forth a lot. It was mostly my fault. I didn't realize I was spinning you up so much on issues you would have otherwise let go with a simple scolding." "We are getting better at it. Even just these last few minutes, talking about what we are noticing or concerned about instead of putting that all on her. I think it is going better."

"I hope her new friends would provide support, but given their current personalities, it is unlikely. Dunderheads, the whole lot of them. I forgot how much I hate children." "You don't hate children. Don't say that." "But I do. I love Phoenix, but those other ones are psychotic mobsters in the making. If they hurt her, I swear to Merlin, they will pay dearly." Lily smiled at him, looking deeply into his eyes. "What?" "You are so attractive when you are like this." "What?" "All this protectiveness. I find it very attractive" "Well in that case, the child in question has granted us permission." Severus said with a smirk. "Always so thoughtful." Said Lily as began kissing Sev's lips before moving to his neck. "Lily," he said, "If you tease me tonight, I doubt I will have the necessary self-control." "Yes Dear, I believe that is my plan." "Promise me this?" He said. "Anything?" "We will never have discussions with Phoenix again about our intimacies." "Deal," said Lily before returning a kiss with a smile on her face.

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor Common room, Phoenix was arguing with her friends. "Look Hermione, you are smart, but you don't have to rub it in Ron's face." "Like you don't rub it in my face. You do it all the time especially with your Daddy!" "He isn't my dad" "No he isn't, he is with your trampy mother!" Phoenix lost it, she pushed past the other students in the common room watching the altercation and running out the portrait. Only after she had descended three flights of stairs did she realize that it was after curfew, but she didn't care, she wanted to get to Sev's office and talk to him. As she rounded the corner she ran straight into Professor Quirrell.

"W-W-h-h-a-t-t are You-u do-i-n-n-g here Po-ot-t-t-ter?" "I need to see Se-Professor Snape." "He-e is no-ot h-h-ere. Yo-u-u w-w-ill com-m-me with m-me." "Where." "To m-my of-f-fic-c-ce for-r pun-nish-shment. Come!" Phoenix started to walk away from him as he took hold of her arm, sensing something was wrong. "Let's-s go-o-o Pot-ter-r. You don't want me to have to force it." "You should take me to my head of house. I'm out after curfew. It says in the Hogwarts Rules and Regulations." "There a-a-r-re m-m-mo-ore imp-po-ortan-nt th-things-s-s Po-otter-r." As they walked through the hallway almost to the Defense Classroom they came upon Sirius. "Quirinus, did you find my Goddaughter out after curfew?" "Ye-es. Sh-e-e ref-f-fused-d to co-oper-erate. So-o I tho-ught-t im-m-med-di-a-ate de-e-tention-n." "Yes, well it is policy for a student to be brought immediately to their head of house if found out after hours. Certainly, Professor Dumbledore communicated this. I will take it from here." Sirius grabbed Phoenix's other arm and half dragged her down the hallway. Phoenix believing that Sirius was faking his anger said, "Thanks, that was getting kind of weird." "I am about to show you weird, but first we are seeing your head of house." Phoenix said, "No you don't understand! I was trying to see Sev. I need to see him." "You can see him before and after curfew or during curfew with an escort. Not only that, but I am certain you weren't out at 11 at night to see Professor Snape. Lying won't help you here. Now quit struggling and walk with me properly."

Phoenix was confused. Sirius never got angry, but as they got closer to her head of house's office she began to regret her choice. "Look Sirius, I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I just had a bad night." "You can explain it to Professor McGonagall and I together. After she dishes out her punishment, you and I will talk." Sirius knocked on the door to her office. It took a few minutes before an obviously tired Minerva McGonagall appeared. "Sirius who is it this time?" "Phoenix." He said. "Both of you come in here, now!" Her irate professor went behind her desk and sat down pointing at the two chairs in front of it for the two of them to sit down. "Sirius explain to me what you know." "I found Phoenix in the hallway being dragged by the arm by Professor Quirrell. He informed me that she had refused to cooperate, so he decided to make her do a detention. I informed him that he should bring students out after hours to their heads of houses and then grabbed Phoenix and brought her here. She lied to me and said that she was out to visit Severus. Which I highly doubt, because she had no reason to do so at 11 at night and she also knew her mother and Severus were having a date this evening, as such he would not be here." Minerva nodded, Sirius was always amazing at sniffing out a lie. "What about you young lady? Anything to add?" "None of that is true." Said Phoenix sadly. "Then what happened." "Quirrell." "Professor Quirrell" said Sirius firmly. "Well, Professor Quirrell, never gave me a chance, he just grabbed my arm. He never was going to take me to you. I didn't lie. I was going to see Sev who would probably be back from his date by now." "Phoenix stop with the lying, it is unbecoming." Said Sirius, "You were rude to Professor Quirrell because he caught you, plain and simple. I am not an idiot, don't treat me like one." Phoenix looked down in her lap. Minerva accepted this as an admission of Sirius' statement. Also, Sirius had never been wrong in catching students in lies.

"Sirius, please step out into the classroom. When Phoenix and I are done I will release her to you." Sirius got up and left. "Professor, I" "No Phoenix. I have let you off the hook for all types of infractions. This was obviously a mistake. A mistake I won't make this evening." Reaching in her drawer, Minerva pulled out a leather slipper. Phoenix's eyes went wide. Pushing her chair back and standing up, Minerva said "I want you to bend over my desk and you will remain there until I tell you. In the process you will not hit, kick, or bite me. Nor would I suggest cursing, it only tends to make matters worse for the receiver." Phoenix just looked at her Aunt Nerva skeptically. "If you need incentive to obey I will provide you some. Come on Phoenix. It is only Wednesday. It is late, and I would like to go to bed." Phoenix got up and bent over the cold desk. Somehow, it felt so much worse than bending over someone's lap. The cold surface chilled her body. Phoenix crossed her arms and buried her head in them. Minerva looked at the girl's rump presented before her, walked up to the side of the desk and said, "I hope this is the only time I see you in this position, Ms. Potter." Phoenix was already crying before Professor McGonagall brought the slipper down firmly. Professor McGonagall began to lecture, "We have discussed appropriate choices regarding your insomnia. Today, you made a bad choice and a dangerous one. I want you to think about that. I am also disappointed that you would lie to us. Had you just been found out of bed, you would have received a detention. However, lying is not something I condone." As quickly as it started the punishment was over. It didn't take very many swats with a slipper to get the point across. Phoenix was sobbing.

Minerva wanted to snuggle with her niece, but she knew she was in her professorial capacity. It was also the first time she had every punished Phoenix, so she wasn't sure it was appropriate. She didn't want to blur the lines. "When you are ready, you may rise and join Professor Black in the classroom. I will also inform you that you have lost 30 points for this excursion. 20 for being out after hours and an additional 10 for lying." Phoenix, who was still crying, pushed herself off of the desk. She couldn't even attempt eye contact, so she quickly went for the door of her professor's office, tears running down her face.

Sirius was pacing the front of the room, but seeing her tear stained face softened him a bit. He hadn't expected Minerva to spank her. She rarely did anything physical to students. He thought she wanted some privacy to lecture her or talk to her as her aunt. "Let's get you back to your common room." He said gently foregoing his intended lecture. "I want my mum." She said softly. "Phoenix, I know it is hard, but if you want to be treated like a regular student you need to act like one. That includes sucking it up when you get punished, or telling your mates about it. Your dad and I always swapped stories after having our backsides blistered. It is good for bonding." "I don't have friends." She choked out. "I am sure that is not true. Ms. Granger seems really fond of you. So, does Neville. You will be fine sweet heart. Come along now."

When they made it to the Grand Stair Case and began walking up the stairs Phoenix had still not stopped crying. They got to the Fat Lady and Sirius reached out to wipe away her tears before she walked in, but Phoenix pulled away and jumped through the portrait hole. Luckily no one saw Sirius so everyone who was still awake believed the tear stains to be caused by the incident about an hour earlier. "Phoenix!" said Hermione, but Phoenix pushed past her and went upstairs.

She was exhausted, but sleep would not come to her. Her backside hurt, but it was her heart that ached. They thought she was a liar and all she wanted to do was see her mum. She didn't dare leave her bed though, the last thing she needed was for Professor McGonagall to see her out of bed. The sun rose and so did everyone else, but Phoenix was still in her bed. "Phoenix, were going to breakfast. You should get up or you will end up being late." Said Hermione haughtily, "And the last thing we need is to lose more points because of you." Phoenix didn't respond, apparently it was now known that she was caught out the night before. After everyone had left, she crawled out of bed despite her body's protests. Sighing, she grabbed a uniform out of the wardrobe. Thursday morning meant History of Magic, at least she could sleep through that one. Charms was something she should probably pay attention in though.

She sat in the back of the room for History of Magic and failed to sleep and pay attention at the same time. Charms was a different story, every time her mind would drift off, Professor Flitwick would ask her a question. He could tell she was not completely present. So, before everyone left he said, "Ms. Potter please wait here." She walked up to him. "Are you okay dear?" "I'm alright. I didn't sleep at all last night. I should have paid better attention." "Maybe you should go have a lie down with Madam Pomfrey." He said looking at the dark circles under her eyes. She shook her head, "I have missed enough classes due to my own stupidity." "Are you sure you are alright?" Phoenix nodded. "Alright, but I am serious, if you can't stay awake, you should go take a rest."

Phoenix went to lunch and sat next to Percy because it was the only seat that was open that wasn't next to someone she currently despised. Although that turned out to be worse, because Percy thought it was his duty to push his nose and figure out why she had lost 30 points yesterday. Most people still held the incident in Potions against her, but with the points lost they couldn't even rationalize being half decent. Phoenix ate about three bites of soup before deciding to leave and head to the astronomy tower. Not that she wanted to see Sirius, but at least the classroom would be quiet and dark. She was in the back of the room. Normally, she enjoyed astronomy and wanted to sit in the front, but today she wanted to avoid contact with her housemates and her professor. Luckily Neville sat next to her and next to him were a few Hufflepuffs. Neville was always nice, so he didn't push too hard for any information. "You excited about the Feast tonight?" he asked. "Yeah, I guess." "Sorry, I forgot." "It's alright. I might not even go. I kind of want to be alone." "Well if you need something, I'm here."

As she walked she heard Ron and Hermione talking, "She is a nightmare, honestly. All she does is correct everyone and she doesn't even get in trouble when she breaks the rules." "Yes, I agree with Ronald, the rules don't apply to her, but all she does is lose us house points. She really isn't that smart either, she just knows the professors." As soon as Phoenix got out of the sight of her housemates the frustration of the day began rolling down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself as she ran to Sev's office, but he wasn't there. She decided to go the nearest bathroom. She figured it was unlikely anyone would find her in the dungeon bathroom crying, particularly when there was a feast going on. She cried and cried until no more tears would come.

She was wiping off her face when all of the sudden a troll was in front of her. Meanwhile, in the Great Hall Severus scanned the Gryffindor table, with no sign of Phoenix he approached Neville. "Mr. Longbottom, where is Phoenix?" "Parvati said that well, uh." Neville was getting nervous now that he was looking at Professor Snape. "I am not mad at you Neville, I am trying to find Phoenix to make sure she is okay. Halloween can be a hard day for her and I am getting anxious due to her absence." "Parvati said she was in the dungeon bathroom crying." All of the sudden Professor Quirrell burst through the door, "Troll in the Dungeon! Troll in the Dungeon!" He yelled before fainting. Severus was torn. Albus ordered the students to their common rooms and the teachers to the dungeon. Severus knew Phoenix would be safe with the other Professors, so he took his second option.

Phoenix was fighting the troll as he destroyed the bathroom around her. Yelling as the faucet began to spew water all over her. She had an idea; jumping out from around the stall door she yelled, "Wingardium Leviosa!" The troll's club dangled in midair, Phoenix positioned it above his head before dropped the club on is head, right as it hit his head her professors ran into the bathroom. The troll fell to the ground with a loud thud. Professor McGonagall looked at Phoenix with piercing eyes, "Explain yourself right now!" "I was…" Phoenix started but she was interrupted. "Why didn't you go to your dormitory as told?" "I didn't…" Phoenix began but was quickly cut off. "That part is obvious. I would have thought after yesterday you would have made smarter choices." Phoenix started crying, somehow her body found more tears.

Severus ran in, limping on his leg, "Phoenix!" he yelled, "Phoenix are you okay?" Phoenix ran to him and jumped on his body, he quickly wrapped his arms around her body to make sure she didn't fall. "Love are you hurt?" He didn't get a response except for muffled sobs, "Love, Love I need to look at you. Are you hurt?" "Severus don't coddle her. She was fine when I saw her. The gall of the girl to run down here and attack the troll. In all my years at Hogwarts I have never seen something so ridiculous." Said Professor McGonagall. Severus interrupted her, "Attack the troll? Phoenix didn't even know about the troll. She wasn't at dinner. I was talking to Longbottom before the whole thing happened, he said she was in this bathroom crying." Phoenix held onto Severus tighter. All she could think was that he believed her. "I am going to take her away from here, you should handle that." Severus said in a fierce tone while pointing at the troll, "Come on Lovie." No one had called her that since she was about 6, it had been shortened to Love.

He rubbed her back as her sobs worked their way down to hiccups. Minerva said as they walked out, "Severus please do not undermine me." "Undermine you, there is nothing you have punished her for that is legitimate." "Except for last night. Which is likely why she was down here in the first place." "I want my mum!" said Phoenix into Sev's shoulder. "I know you do, but has your Aunt Nerva punished you recently?" That would certainly explain the current emotional state, he thought. "I want my mum." Said Phoenix quietly. "Alright, let's track her down then. I think she will still be at work. We can discuss all of this with her." Said Severus, hoping he could get the rest of the story later. Phoenix nodded, and gripped Sev even tighter, obviously expecting to be carried. "Don't you think you are a little big?" Phoenix shook her head. "It's a good thing I love you." Sev said as he kissed the top of her head as he got up and walked with her to the floo.

As they entered the Auror department Severus began scanning for Lily. Seeing Alice, Severus asked, "Do you know where Lily is?" "She's out on a raid. Is everything okay?" "We're alright, Phoenix wants to see her mum though." Seeing the girls back shake, Alice knew that Phoenix was crying, she went over to rub Phoenix's back. "Sweetheart, why don't you and Severus sit down, and I will make some tea. Your mum should be back soon." "I want to go home," Said Phoenix. Severus rubbed her back, "Lovie are you sure? You will be able to see your mum faster if we stay." "I want to go home." She replied a hint of whine in her voice. "Okay, I will take you home. Alice can you tell Lily where we are." "Of course I will. Feel better sweetheart." "Thanks" said Phoenix muffled by Severus' shirt.

When they got back Severus tried to set Phoenix down, but she latched on. "Lovie why don't you go change into something more comfortable and I will get tea started and then we can snuggle until your mum gets here." "No. Want to stay with you." "Alright Love, I'm here," Severus said hoping that the fear was not dripping from his voice. "Libby. Can you bring us some tea please?" The house elf appeared, "Yes sir. What kind is youse liking sir?" "Let's have the jasmine green tea with the lavender." "A very goods choice sir."

Phoenix was hiding in his robes when the house elf reappeared with the tea. "I is bringing fruits as well for Little Mistress to feel better." "Thank you, Libby. This looks wonderful." Severus kissed Phoenix's head, "Come on Love have some tea." He grabbed her cup and brought it up to her. Slowly Phoenix moved away from his shoulder and he saw her eyes. They were dark, the purple rings screamed of exhaustion. In contrast to the bloodshot whites of her eyes, which screamed of heartbreak. Phoenix sipped on the tea and seemed to calm down. Severus grabbed the plate of biscuits and fruit. "I don't really want those." "Yeah, but you didn't really eat at lunch either. So, you should have one." Phoenix grabbed the wedge of apricot from the dish. "Thank you Love." Severus knew not to push it until Lily got there. Time went on and Lily had still not come home. At the hour mark Severus knew he needed to start the conversation.

"Phoenix I want you to tell me what happened." "I want mum." "I know, but I don't know where she is and it will help you to get it off of your chest." "Okay, but you have to promise not to get mad." "Love all I am is worried right now." "I know, but I was bad." "We have dealt with that before. It will be fine. I promise I won't yell and I won't send you away." As Phoenix walked back through the evening Severus' grip on her tightened. As he heard the statement by Ms. Granger his blood boiled, but it was Minerva who had broken the child's heart and before her it was Sirius. Phoenix had moved on to what happened today after class and what Minerva had done and Severus became livid. How dare that woman not believe his little girl? Phoenix was never intentionally mischievous, she never sought out stupid things, she was reckless not impertinent. "So, then you came." Ended Phoenix.

He looked at Phoenix, deep into her eyes, "I will fix this. You don't need to be upset any longer. I have a couple of questions to ask. Did Professor McGonagall leave any marks or bruises?" Phoenix shook her head. "You're sure. Are you still sore at all?" "A little." "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I need to see your backside." "Um, I think its fine." "I just need to check and then I'm going to put some salve on it." "Professor McGonagall said to not undermine her." "I'm not, you were given the punishment for lying. You didn't lie. She said if you hadn't lied all you would have received was a detention. And if she had taken the time to talk to you she wouldn't have punished you so harshly. I know it is embarrassing, but I promise I won't talk about it to anyone but your Mum." "Okay." He summoned the salve from the cupboard, checked its date and then lifted Phoenix over his lap. He rubbed her back gently before lifting her skirt. He lowered her knickers and got to work quickly to ease the child's embarrassment. Much to his relief there were no bruises, but it was obviously still bothering Phoenix when she sat down. As soon as he was done, he fixed her clothing and picked her back up into a sitting position on his lap. "All done Love." "I'm tired." "I see that. Do you want to lie down?" "Yeah, I guess." "Why don't you go up and change and then I'll come up and tuck you in?" "I'm too old to be tucked in." "I'll just come to check on you then Love. Thank you for telling me." Said Severus trying to avoid an argument. He knew the girl wanted to be tucked in, but he also knew that she was growing up and was trying to show him that. She slid from his lap and went upstairs. About 10 minutes later Severus walked up to meet her, she was already in bed in her typical sleeping position. Severus walked over, sat at the end of her bed and began carding his hand through her hair. "I'll wake you up you're your mum gets home, okay?" "mmhmm" He continued his efforts long after the girls breathing had evened out. Now all he had to do was wait for Lily. It was going to be a long night.

He went and sat back in the living room, "Libby!" "Yes sir." "Could you go to the staff room at Hogwarts and grab my grading." "I's will be right back." "Thank you, Libby." He said while looking at the stack of papers in front of him, "Could I get some coffee." "Yes of course Sirs." It was almost another hour before Lily apparated in front of him, panic covering her face. She saw him and immediately said, "Where's Phoenix, is everything okay?" "Everything is alright. Phoenix is sleeping because she didn't sleep at all last night." "The poor dear, why didn't she come to you?" "I will explain, but I need you to stay calm." "Yes, alright." "You might want to sit down."

From there he began walking her through everything. He watched her temper flair first at Sirius then at Minerva. Then at Minerva again. "How was she?" "Despondent. I was petrified. I didn't know what to do, but once we got away from school she began to relax some. She wouldn't leave my chest. I had to carry her home. God Lily, I was so scared." "Oh Sev," said Lily moving into the side of her fiancé and wrapping her arms around him, "I will see how she is once she gets up." "She has been really hurt by Minerva and Sirius. I want to go and see them." "Sev, I don't want you to do something stupid." "It isn't stupid, but I want them to know that they are on my list." "If that is what you want." "It is, but I'll be back for dinner, I promise. I told Phoenix I would wake her when you got here, so I should do that first." "Okay." "The last thing she needs is for me to break my word."

Severus left and by the time he got back Phoenix was sitting next to her mum. When she saw Sev she blushed a bit. "Love there is no need to be embarrassed." Said Lily, "Sev how did it go?" "Fine, we will talk later about that." "About what?" said Phoenix. Neither of them answered her question. "How come you won't tell me?" "Because it is business that is none of your business." Said Lily. Phoenix pouted. "You don't need any more stress today." "Is it bad news?" "No Love, but not something you need to know right now." "I'm not made of glass." "I know, otherwise you would be shattered by now." Said Severus. Lily jumped in, "You let the adults handle this bit of things okay?" Phoenix nodded.

Severus jumped back in, "What is for Dinner?" "We haven't worked that out yet." said Lily. After a while Lily said, "I think we will need to talk about what happened today." "Oh" said Phoenix. "Yes Love. You aren't in any trouble. I just want to make sure we can get it all squared away." Phoenix nodded. "How about we go somewhere more comfortable?" As they settled into the couch, Lily began playing with Phoenix's hair. Phoenix said, "Take it easy, I don't want it to get frizzy." "Alright Love. Well let's talk about what happened today." "And yesterday," said Severus. "Severus explained to me what you told him, but I would like to hear your version."

"Well, Hermione and I got in a fight and she yelled at me and said that you were trampy because you were with Sev." "And that bothered you a lot." "Mmmhmm, so I went to try and find Sev, but I ran into Quirrell. He got all weird and started taking me back to his office. I told him to take me to Professor McGonagall, but he wouldn't. Then Professor showed up and he got really mad at me and took me to Professor McGonagall. Professor McGonagall got really mad and then she spanked me." Phoenix had tears in her eyes at this point. Lily rubbed her back, "Love can you tell me how she spanked you?" "With a slipper. She wouldn't even listen. She said I was lying. So did Professor Black. It hurt so bad. Why wouldn't they believe me?" Lily had her daughter on her lap at this point. "I don't know Scout. Do you know how many times you were spanked?" "No, but it hurt really bad." "That is okay, I was just wondering."

"And then when it was over, she didn't give me a hug or anything. And I told Professor Black that I wanted to see you and he said that because I wanted to be treated like a normal student I had to go back to my dorm. But I just wanted to come home." Lily did understand Sirius' choice, if the girl had been in trouble, then perhaps it was best to force her to interact with her peers and grow up a little. However, she knew her child must have been sobbing at this point. Sirius should have known something was wrong. He knows how sensitive Phoenix can be. He owed her to be decent, Lily fumed. "Love, thank you for telling me. I know it is very hard. What about today?" "Well I was avoiding people. So, I didn't go to breakfast and Percy was mad at me for losing points, so I didn't eat much at lunch. Professor Flitwick caught me not paying attention though." "Did he punish you?" "No, he just told me if I couldn't pay attention in my other classes I should go lay down in the hospital wing. He seemed worried." "I will tell your Uncle Filius you are alright this evening." "And then we were done with lessons. Well there was some stuff before that, but mostly I was just hiding in the back of classrooms. It was awful, and I was trying to be good, but they were saying mean things about me. So, I tried to go to Sev's office, but he wasn't there. And then I went to the bathroom and cried and the Troll came in. It tried to kill me! And I was so scared, and I yelled for help, but nobody came. And then I used the levitation charm to take its club and I dropped it on its head, so it passed out. Then Professor McGonagall came in and started yelling at me. Luckily Sev came in, otherwise I think she would have spanked me again. She even implied spanking me last night, in front of the whole staff!" "I know that was embarrassing Love." Said Lily stroking her hair.

"Phoenix, I would like you to stay home tomorrow and through the weekend. I want to meet with your professors tomorrow and feel it would be best for you to have a day off. You can come to work with me in the morning and hang out there with Alice when I have my meetings okay?" "If that is what you want?" "It is. It isn't a punishment. I want you to have a calm couple of days." "Do you think you can get me out of quidditch practice?" "Yes, I can. You don't need to worry about that." "Maybe I could go in for quidditch practice." "Why do you feel you need to do that?"" I don't know. It is the only thing that makes people like me. I get teased enough as it is." "Who is teasing you?" said Severus, sensitive to the possible bullying of anyone at Hogwarts, but especially Phoenix. "Who isn't?" "Who starts it?" "Malfoy, or Percy, or the Twins, or Ernie McMillan, or Hermione, or Nott, pretty much everyone with a mouth besides Neville and Ron, well sometimes Ron does. And even those who don't say anything whisper about me and stare. It sucks." "Love, we have to deal with this. You need to tell people when you are being teased." "I can handle it. I don't want all of them getting in trouble, then they will just finish me off. Please don't do anything."

"I never thought I would say this, but Quidditch might actually be good for you, Love." Said Severus. "Why?" "All the popular kids play quidditch." Lily supported Phoenix playing quidditch from the beginning, it was a normal activity and one that often-made kids at Hogwarts untouchable on the social food chain and even if they did, they had a whole team backing them up. "How are you feeling Love?" "I don't know." "I think you do." "I really don't. I want to be mad at them, but I'm not. I know they were doing their jobs, but it still hurts. And I can't believe they wouldn't believe me. I have never lied to them. I don't know why they wouldn't trust me. It hurts to not be trusted." "Why does it hurt?" said Severus. "I guess because it means they must not know me very well. And I trusted them to be kind to me, to support me, and they couldn't even do that. I guess I'm disappointed, but I'm not really sure."

"Disappointment can hurt a lot." Said Lily. "Is this how it feels when you say you are disappointed in me?" said Phoenix looking back with tears in her eyes, thinking about the weeks leading up to her Hogwarts departure. "No Love. Because when I am disappointed it is because I know you are so much better than the way you are acting, not because I have felt betrayed." "I never said I felt betrayed." "But do you?" Phoenix nodded. "Love, disappointment can hurt a lot, but I promise you that your actions have never hurt me the way their actions have hurt you. I know you will still stew over it, but I promise you they have not." "You're sure?" "I'm really sure. Besides you always apologize, and we cuddle. Hugs make everything better darling."

"I don't want to hug them. I don't even want to see them." "That is perfectly fine. They have hurt you a great deal. I didn't exactly expect you to run into their arms." "She didn't even want Sev to cuddle with me." "How do you know that?" "She said, 'Don't undermine me Severus.'" "Well I think what she meant was that she didn't want him to make light of your actions or let you off the hook." "But he did." "I know" said Lily, "If we don't feel it is appropriate for you to be punished, then we will fix it. I don't care if your professor's pride is in jeopardy." "They used to be my only friends. Why does everyone leave me?" asked Phoenix sincerely. "Not everyone darling. Your Mum and I will always be here." "That is why I wasn't ready. I need you to be my friend." "I will always be your friend Phoenix Lily." Said Severus. "It feels like when you punished me after I had an attitude with Remus. I don't even know." Said Phoenix being more open about what her brain was actually processing through. Lily frowned, not liking to think back to the incident that caused her daughter to run away.

"I thought they were my friends." "Scout, I think you have to accept that it is a bit more complicated than that. They are also your professors and I am not saying they were right, but it does make sense that they might struggle with your relationship. They don't want to play favorites, but they also are your aunts and uncles. It is complicated." "Please don't make excuses for them, not tonight." "I'm not Scout. I am going to be having firm conversations with both of them tomorrow. I just want you to realize that while they made the wrong call, it probably wasn't malicious." "Can I stay in your room tonight?" "Yes Scout, of course you can." "Why don't we get some dinner?" said Severus, "I'll make or get you anything you want." Phoenix looked at him, "Anything?" "Yes Love." "Chinese?" "Good choice," said Lily, "I haven't had Chinese since before you left for school." "Alright ladies, what should we get?" "I want spring rolls and hot and sour soup," said Phoenix. "She needs protein too. Szechuan chicken for her. I want sweet and sour shrimp. And some fried rice, chicken. Oooh and I agree with Phoenix, we are going to need a lot of hot and sour soup. Plus, whatever you want." "I should just tell them to send me everything." "I would support that," said Phoenix. "Yes, well you haven't eaten all day, so I expect a good effort at dinner." Said Severus. "You didn't eat all day?" "I had a few bites of soup at lunch and some fruit and tea with Sev while we were waiting for you." "That isn't eating." Lily said firmly, she leaned over and kissed her child's head, "I am sure you can consume enough calories at dinner to make up for it. Nonetheless, you will be taking a nutrient potion tonight before bed." "Chinese food is the worst stuff we eat." "That's true, but it is so good though." Said Lily smiling back. It was going on nine at night, but that did not stop them from ordering enough food five families.

Pretty soon they were happily eating. Lily kept food pushing, concerned about Phoenix's lack of eating. Although, in reality, Phoenix, was happily eating, obviously exhausted from the day's events, but she seemed calm which was good. Lily knew it would come back and they would need to talk some more, but they had the weekend to talk. Lily's goal was just to keep things quiet tonight. Phoenix was working on her third cup of soup. Lily jumped in, "Love take it easy, we don't want you getting sick." "Two minutes ago, you were food pushing." "Eat a little slower is all I'm saying." "Alright."

Phoenix was soon curled up on the couch with her mum while rubbing her stomach, "Ugh, I think I ate too much. I might throw up." "Are you serious about throwing up?" "No, but I might explode." Lily smiled, "Sev, you can't take everything the girl says literally." "I don't but I don't need stomach bile on the carpet either. And I don't want her to feel sick. I have potions to fix that if needed." "I'm fine, just really full." "Well good. You need to be after today." Lily bent down and kissed her head.

Phoenix looked up, her eyes deep in thought, "It really hurts you, doesn't it?" "What Love?" "When I disappoint you. It hurts really bad." "Yes Love, but it isn't the same as how you are feeling." "How is it different?" "I hurt because I know you are better, because I want more for you, because I feel I have failed you in some way. You hurt because you thought they were better, because you expected more from them, because they have failed you in some way." "Are you sure when you are disappointed it isn't because you thought I was better? Because you always say that you expected more from me. And I have failed you in some way, a lot of ways actually."

"It is different when it is your child. You have never failed me, you have failed yourself on occasion, but never me. I have expected better from you, but my expectations are set because I know how great you can be. It doesn't mean that I want more from you, it means I want more for you." "I don't get it." Said Phoenix honestly. "Love, you will have to trust me when I say that I have never felt the way you do right now from your behavior." "Even when we I told Sev to leave?" "Even then. I was shocked, but I was not betrayed. I still trusted you. There have been times I have been betrayed, but that was not one of them." "When did you feel betrayed?" Lily's mind immediately went to Pettigrew, but shook it out of her mind, then to Severus when he got the dark mark, but that wasn't appropriate either. "I had a good friend of mine try to seduce your father when we had just started dating. It hurt a great deal, we haven't talked since then. Which was completely awkward when we lived in the same room. Luckily the next year I got my own room as head girl. But it hurt more than anything. She was by best friend, but ultimately she only was concerned for herself and not for me."

"I have been selfish before." Lily just felt she couldn't win this argument, "Love. Look at me. I know it is hard to understand, but it is different. These people yesterday harmed you, they did not trust you, they would not listen to you. This is very different. And sometimes you should be selfish, you are a child and I want you to act like one. You will have to trust me when I say that you have never made me feel that way. I promise you haven't." Lily could tell her daughter did not 100% believe her, but Phoenix didn't say anything either as their green eyes locked. "I can't tell you that disappointment doesn't hurt, because it does, but you have never betrayed me." "You're sure?" "Yes, but I know you aren't. Love, there is nothing you have done that has ever made me hurt the way you are tonight. I have been hurt, but in most of the incidences that your mind is going to I hurt myself. I made it worse, but even still it did not rise to this degree."

Lily pulled her daughter closer and kissed the top of her head, "Don't dwell on it too much, Love. I will fix it tomorrow." "What if you can't?" "Then you will not have to see them outside of their professorial capacities and I will ask that any disciplining from a head of house standpoint be transferred to Severus, since he is more trustworthy. This may slow down your comfort level with our relationship, and that is fine, but I will feel safer." "Even if you fix it, can you move it to him?" "I would rather you be the most normal student you can be, but if you do feel that uncomfortable?" "I don't want Professor McGonagall punishing me like that again." "Well, Severus will have permission to take you over his knee." "No, it's just that she didn't even care if it hurt me. She didn't even ask me what happened. She didn't comfort me after, not even a pat on the back, nothing." Said Phoenix, tears once again threatening to fall. "What if I retract my permission for corporal punishment? That would make you a normal student and many parents refuse it. I thought it would be fine because you know them, and you are hardly any trouble. However, this may mean that I am contacted more often, and that suspension is on the table." "I'll be good." "Of course you will be, but I just want you to know what this would look like. Would this make you feel comfortable having Minerva still have head of house privileges over you?" "Yeah, if she can't hit me. Because then I'll have time to talk to someone if I think it is unfair before it happens." "Okay, that is what I will do, but I want you to let me know if you want me to change the permissions to Sev, because I will if you would feel more comfortable."

Severus soon left his two favorite women in the world, to his youngest a kiss on the forehead and his beautiful fiancé a kiss on the cheek, conscious of the fragility of his youngest's feelings that evening. Lily and Phoenix slept in the same bed that night. Well, Phoenix slept and Lily watched her, nervous for the next day. What did you say to a woman who had hurt your child? What did you say to your late husband's best friend when she broke your daughter's heart? Lily had no idea, but she wasn't exactly expecting to remain civil. Ideally of course she would, but seeing her daughter so upset made her on edge and to think that it was caused by the ones she loved just made it so much worse. Her daughter loved people with everything she had, only to have her heart broken.


	12. Chapter 12

Phoenix awoke to her mother carding her hand through her hair. "Hi Scout, sleep well." "Mmmhhm. I wish I slept this well at Hogwarts." Lily gave her a faint smile, "It takes some getting used to, being in a room with other people." "I have never had a problem with you." "Yes, but I am your Mum. You had to learn how to sleep with me when you were taking over my abdomen."

Phoenix turned and snuggled into her mother, "You don't have to say anything. I can handle it." "You don't need to handle it. I will do it. You and I are going to have a nice weekend. I will just slip out today for a couple of meetings." "I don't want you to be upset. And I don't want you having an argument about me." "I am not upset by the fact that I am meeting with them, I am upset that I need to. I am upset that they treated you like this. And we might argue, but it will be fine because I know I am in the right. You have to know something Phoenix. I am always for you, and I may argue with people about you, but that is because I am always on your side. As your mother, you are my first priority, not my relationship with other people. I will always choose you. We are a team, no matter what." Phoenix's only response was to snuggle in closer.

Lily sat with her daughter thinking about how lucky she was to have a little girl who was always so considerate. "Love, I am always so impressed by how selfless you are, how you put me first, but sometimes I have to step in because I love you too much. You understand?" "You're sure I'm selfless?" Lily closed her eyes, thinking to their disaster a couple of months earlier, "You are the most selfless person I have ever met. However, we probably do need to get out of bed, or I will be late. You know how we Potter girls are about our hair being just so." Phoenix giggled. Lilly gave her a pat on the bum, "Off you go."

When they got to the office Alice practically ran over to Lily and Phoenix. "Hi girls. Are you feeling better Phoenix?" Phoenix blushed and nodded. "She is staying with me today. I will have to step out a couple of times for meetings, are you willing to watch her?" "Of course, not that she needs much watching." "No, but it is the rule that anyone under 17 in the ministry be supervised." "Always the rule follower Lily." "Scout, why don't you settle in with your book. We have our morning briefing in about 10 minutes, so I will have to put you under a silencing charm for about a half an hour. I will still be able to hear you, but you won't be able to hear the classified information." "What a shame, I was hoping to go to prison today." Said Phoenix. "Prison? You wouldn't do at all well in prison, Love." "I could handle it." Said Phoenix with a smirk. "Let's not test that theory okay? I have enough heartache as it is." "Oh, mum you are no fun. What is life without a little prison time?" "Go settle in to the couches over there you nutter."

Phoenix was happily reading her book on potions on the couch, so much so that she didn't realize the charm had been taken off of her. "Love, earth to Phoenix!" said Lily. "Huh!" Phoenix said jumping as her mother waved her hand in front of her face. "Love, I have to go out on a mission at ten. I will be back though, it is just an initial assessment of the area. Then, I have a meeting at Hogwarts at eleven. I will be back for lunch though." "Okay." "If you need anything just ask Alice alright?" "Yeah okay." Soon her mom had gone out to investigate that property leaving Phoenix in the corner with her book. She was reading quietly, occasionally making notes in the margins. Lily eventually came back, trying to appear calm. Severus was with her and he had brought lunch.

Phoenix hadn't spoken to anyone since her mother left. "How was she?" "Quiet as a mouse, whatever is in that book must be interesting because she hasn't put it down." Said Alice with a smile. "She is using it to not think about what has gone on these last 48 hours." Said Lily thinking her daughter wasn't listening. "Am not!" said Phoenix, "Just because I am not a pest." "Alright Love. I didn't mean it in a negative way. We all have coping mechanisms for life, if all you do is read then we are probably doing alright. Sev had the elves make us some salads."

"What did Professor McGonagall say?" said Phoenix jumping straight to the point. "We'll talk about that this evening Phoenix." "Great, it went that well." "It went fine, but now is not the time or place." "Did you talk to both of them?" "Yes, and the headmaster. Don't worry about it. I will explain it this evening and we have the whole weekend." "You know it isn't fair, its my life and you won't even tell me what is going on." "I will tell you, but you will not take that tone with me. We will discuss it this evening in private. We have decisions we need to make as a family and I have options for you. I promise you are not going to be left out, but I am working and don't have two hours to hash this all out with you." "Oh, sorry." Said Phoenix. "It's alright, I know you are frustrated."

"What kind of salad did you get?" "One with vegetables," replied Sev. "Wow, that really narrows it down." "Actually it does, because it does not include fruit salad, potato salad, pasta salad." Phoenix crinkled her nose. "I got you a simple spring mix with onions, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, grilled chicken, wonton strips, and a sesame ginger vinaigrette. Really Love, you are very easy to tease today." "Yeah, well you shouldn't joke about something as important as my next meal!" replied Phoenix. "Yes, I can see how deprived you are." "Don't laugh, I have lost a couple of pounds from quidditch." "You have lost weight?" asked Lily. "I think so. Why?" "You are small enough. I don't need you losing weight. What are you eating?" "Vegetables and Chicken. As usual." "What happens when they serve something else?" "Well, I have been trying to eat it." "Trying, but not succeeding?" "Some of it is gross. It has like a billion calories in it." "You need to consume a billion calories." "It makes my stomach hurt. It is all carbs." "Phoenix you need to eat." "I do!" said Phoenix getting frustrated. "We will schedule an appointment with your healer, I want to know exactly how much weight you have lost." Phoenix didn't want to fight, so she didn't say anything, but Lily noticed how quiet her daughter became, "Really Love, it isn't that bad. Besides, pouting is unbecoming." Phoenix didn't say anything back. Lily decided to let it go for now.

Phoenix wasn't letting it go at all, she wanted to know what happened in the meetings, she wanted to be left alone, and she didn't know why she was feeling so on edge all of the sudden. As they finished lunch Severus touched Phoenix's arm, "Take a walk with me, please." As Phoenix followed him out of the room her stomach began doing flips, she had been upset, but her behavior wasn't punishment worthy, was it? Severus walked her to the single stall restroom and led her inside. He opened his arms and wrapped them around Phoenix. Phoenix settled into his arms, suddenly feeling so much lighter. "Sorry" mumbled Phoenix into his chest. "You don't need to be sorry Love. But you do need to realize that what happened over the last couple of days may haunt you for a while. That is why your mum is worried and wants you home this weekend." "Why can't I just be normal for once?" "You are normal. It is perfectly normal to be upset for multiple days after experiencing a trauma. However, your poor mother is very worried, so when you start to feel like you just did, you need to reach out. Your mother will not push you to do so, but you need it. Just like you needed this hug now."

"Sorry." "No, you don't need to apologize. This is called emotional intelligence. It takes time to become aware of how you are feeling and when you need help sorting through those feelings. Even adults struggle with this okay, so I don't want you to beat yourself up about it. I struggle with feelings of loneliness and depression. Your mother with worry and anger. Everyone has things they aren't great at. You will figure out what is the hardest for you in the future. Right now I just want you to try to tell someone when you aren't feeling okay." "That is what I tried to do the other night." "Yes and that was very good."

"I don't want to go to the doctor this weekend. I just want to be at home with mum." "Then you should tell her that. But I don't think she wanted you to go to the healer this weekend, just soon to make sure you are being healthy." "I'm trying to eat, really I am." "I know that and so does your mum, but when you are playing quidditch your body burns a lot of calories and the reason we feed the children at Hogwarts so much food is because magic burns a lot of energy, particularly before your magical core stabilizes and so your body needs the calories." "I have been feeling fine." "We are just going to make sure it stays that way. You may need a supplement to help keep you healthy. We will see what the healer says, but we don't need to do it tomorrow. You just tell your mum what you told me. That you just want to lay low this weekend. It will be fine." "Okay." Severus kissed her forehead, "Let's try again, yes?" Phoenix nodded. When they got back to her mother in her office Phoenix was blushing furiously. Her mum stood up and wrapped her arms around her. "Feeling better?" "Yeah." "What was bothering you?" "I don't want to see a healer." "Love you need to see them if you have lost weight." "I don't want to see anybody this weekend." "We don't have to see them tomorrow Love, I was thinking sometime next week. We just have to work around quidditch practice." "I just want to stay at home with you." "Yes, and that is what we will do, okay?" Phoenix nodded.

The emotional wounds of the week were starting to appear again, which was to be expected. Until this was resolved, Phoenix would live with a weight on her. "Why don't you go back to your potions book while I do some paperwork?" "Okay" "Good girl." "Alright, well I have some dunderheads to teach, so I will see you both later." Said Severus, kissing Phoenix on the forehead and Lily on the cheek. Phoenix was back to being lost in her book in the corner. Lily kept looking over to make sure her daughter was okay. "Lily she is alright. She is 20 feet from you, nothing will happen." Said Alice. "Well she was at school with her aunt and godfather and look how that turned out." "She is such a sweet child, it hurts her when people do things because she would never do them."

"She is trying to hide how hurt she is, but it keeps bubbling up. I really think she should see a therapist, but I think that is a non-starter." "You are the adult Lily. If you think she needs to go, then you just take her." "That is easier said than done. It will turn into a battle, and the last thing she needs is more emotional upheaval this weekend." "Well I am just saying that if you think it is in her best interest to go, then she needs to go. You wouldn't let her skip the appointment with her healer, why is it any different?" "It is different because Phoenix sees this as a sign of her own failings and her self-esteem is already in the toilet after the last couple of days. I know that it is not a weakness, but Phoenix still feels uncomfortable leaning on someone like that and anytime I ask about it I am met with opposition. She just needs me to be on her side this weekend." "As her mum, you can be on her side and still oppose what she wants." "That is not how Phoenix sees it." "Maybe not, but it is true for any parent." "Alice can we stop having this conversation before I get agitated. I don't need a fight and emotionally I am exhausted as it is." "We can stop, but I will say one thing, the reason you are emotionally exhausted is because your child unloaded on you when needs to be unloading on a therapist." "My child was hurt and I will never turn her away when she is hurting. I don't care what damage it does to me. Phoenix comes first." Said Lily and she grabbed her stuff before joining Phoenix in the corner of the room, "Love I am going to go work in my office. You may stay here if you like, or you can come with me." "Are you mad at Mrs. Longbottom?" "No Love. You don't need to worry about that anyway. That is for the grownups to deal with." "So, you are mad, but you don't want me involved?" "I suppose that's right."

The rest of the day was pretty quiet. Phoenix was trying to figure out what had been said at her mother's meeting with her professors. She even got caught eavesdropping at one point, but her mom let it slide with an eye brow raise. She knew her daughter was curious and she didn't want to embarrass her publicly. Lily also found it interesting that Phoenix didn't trust her not to discuss the issues with others. She figured it would be a better conversation tonight then right now to discuss this choice. Besides, Phoenix knew she was in the wrong based on the sheepish look and the fast retreat. Some parents would see it as defiant disobedience, but she knew that children had tendencies to make decisions and then fall into their urge to be reckless. As long as her daughter acknowledged it after the fact, then she wasn't planning on scolding too much.

Once at home Lily said, "What are we doing tonight?" "You're going to tell me about your conversation with my professors." Said Phoenix eagerly. "I will tell you when you tell me about your conversation with Kingsley?" "I didn't talk to Kingsley." Said Phoenix, obviously confused. "No, but you listened." "Yeah, sorry." "I'm not mad, but I want you to know that I would never share that information with people at work." "You were basically shouting about therapy to Alice." Said Phoenix quietly. "Yes, Alice is my friend, but you are correct. That was not my intention, but I suppose it would be understandable that it would make you uncomfortable. I appreciate you telling me and I will talk with Alice about keeping those conversations out of the workplace." "Are you going to force me to see someone?" "No, but there is no shame if you want to see someone." "I can handle it." "You don't need to handle it on your own." "I know, but I need to do it myself." "Scout, you don't need to do it yourself." "Yes I do, sometimes I just do." "Okay Scout, I don't want to fight about this. As I said it is your choice." Lily was trying to backpedal out of what was obviously a touchy subject.

"So, what happened at the meeting?" Lily sighed, the girl was not going to give this up. "I went and met with both Professor McGonagall and Professor Black and Headmaster Dumbledore mediated the meeting." "Was Sev there?" "No, I felt it better for them to just hear it from me." "What did they say?" This was the hard part for Lily, "Well, they started off by saying that you were lying about your reasoning for being out and that you had a history of being untruthful when faced with consequences." Phoenix looked at her mother's eyes while she thought back to the incident with Severus over the summer. "I said that I knew you weren't lying. Headmaster Dumbledore asked how I knew. I explained that the one time you had lied in the past you came forward and felt very bad about what had happened. You were distraught for the entire school day over being punished, things like that." "Did they believe me after that?" "No Love," said Lily her heart breaking for her daughter, "They said that you were manipulating me and Sev. They used this to justify their actions." "Even Grandpa Albus?" Phoenix said with tears in her eyes. "Yes Love. I retracted permission for corporal punishment and changed your head of house to Sev. I know this is not what we talked about, but I don't feel comfortable with someone punishing you who doesn't believe in you. They also said that you want to have special privileges when they help you and to be a normal student when it doesn't. I know this is not true, I know you want to be as normal as you can be, but your classmates make that difficult. I also think that they wouldn't have been that harsh on any other student. There were many comments made about you being a leader amongst your classmates. I find these reasons for their harshness inappropriate. You are still just an eleven year old girl and you should have been treated as one. Even if the punishment was appropriate, you should have been comforted in some way." Phoenix nodded. "Unfortunately, they have discussed this matter with some other professors, so from now on I only want you discussing things with them on a student-teacher basis." "They don't believe me either?" "I'm not entirely sure. We will figure it out and then we can loosen up on this. I just don't want you to be hurt by anyone else in this matter." "What about the troll, does Professor McGonagall believe that I went after it still?" "Yes Love." "She thinks I am lying about all of this?" "Yes Love." "What about Sirius? He is my godfather! He has to believe me, right?" "I know this hurts Phoenix, but he doesn't. At least he didn't when I left the meeting." "How can he not believe me?" "I don't know Love." "I know I lied, but it wasn't to them and it was only the once. I didn't even know they knew about it. And I felt so bad then. I wouldn't lie about this." "I know Love, I believe you." Phoenix had tears that had spilled over her eyes, "They were my friends." "I know Love." "I'm going to go upstairs." "Okay Phoenix, but if you need anything you just yell. I'll be right there."

Lily watched as the girl trudged up the stairs. She knew she had to give her daughter some space to process, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't worried. She was sitting quietly in the living room when Sev came through, seeing Lily he said, "I can't believe them." He handed her the letter of formal rebuke from Professor McGonagall for insubordination. Lily read it, "Oh Sev, I'm sorry." "It's fine. I would do anything for the two of you. One day Minerva will realize how wrong this was." "Phoenix is heartbroken." "You told her?" "I told her about my conversation today. Not about the one you had last night." "Yeah, she doesn't need to know that I was threatened with being fired or that they said she was a spoiled brat." "Do you think she is spoiled?" "No, of course not, but she does have some rotten luck. I have brats in my class, there are a good handful in every year. Phoenix is not one of them. She is respectful and studious. We had a couple of bumps in the road, but I think she more than paid for that. She hasn't been disrespectful to any other professor. She is not a bully. I just don't get it."

"I think she is upstairs wallowing in disappointment." "Maybe she fell asleep?" "Not likely with as upset as she was." "You told her everything?" "I didn't want her to hear it from someone else." "The poor thing, she just can't catch a break." "Minerva is one thing, but she seemed to let that one go. Albus and Sirius, not so much." "Albus?" "Yeah, he didn't believe her either." "I need a stiff drink." Said Severus. "So do I." said Lily. "I will make you one if you want?" "I don't keep alcohol in the house. I probably shouldn't anyway, it doesn't set a good example and Phoenix needs me tonight." "Alright Lils. I love you, you know that right?" "Proposing to me was a pretty good sign." "Yes I suppose, but I want you to know that I love you, every second of every day." "I love you too Sev." She gently pulled him into a long kiss.

Moments later Phoenix walked back into the living room. "Come here Love." Said Severus, as she complied he easily lifted her onto his lap. "You doing alright?" "Yeah, I guess." "I know you are disappointed. It is more than acceptable to feel like that." "I just wish I was better." "Better at what?" "If I was better than they would listen when I say that I didn't do it." "Love this is on them. You haven't done anything wrong." "I have though, maybe not this week, but before I have and because of it they don't trust me. Because of my choices they don't believe in me and I have to learn to live with myself knowing I have made those mistakes." "You haven't done anything that is not trustworthy." "Yes I have. I have lied to you and manipulated you to not get punished. I have been disobedient. I even ran away because I didn't want to own up to my mistakes. I'm a coward." Said Phoenix her voice wavering. "You are not a coward! You are the bravest person I know." "I'm not being a coward now, but I was then. I wasn't owning up to my choices and was running because I was afraid. What else would I be?" "A little girl who has been through a lot and is trying to find her way." "Yeah, but I've still been cowardly. That is why Professor McGonagall doesn't like me. I don't deserve to be in Gryffindor."

This is when her mother engaged, "Professor McGonagall is wrong. You make a wonderful Gryffindor." "Then how come I couldn't overcome these fears, why do none of the other kids in the house like me?" "You are overcoming your fears, it takes time and practice. Also, Neville seems to like you a lot. He came and talked to me today after class to make sure you were okay." "Yeah, but Neville doesn't belong in Gryffindor either." "The hat is never wrong, Love. Sometimes it is right, but for reasons we do not understand until much later. I was put in Slytherin, not because I wasn't brave, but because I had such low self-esteem that I would have been eaten alive. From my background I was ambitious to get away from my family. I was hungry for something more." "I want to be in Slytherin with you." "No sweet heart, it would lead to a lot of problems. I don't want you in the common room with a bunch of children whose parents are death eaters. In 20 years, this may not be a consideration, but right now it is important that you keep yourself safe and away from them." "I want you to be my head of house." "Well I had all of those duties assigned to me today, so I will be your head of house in every way that matters." "Except you can't cheer for me in quidditch." "I will cheer for you individually and Slytherin generally. I am not much of a cheerleader anyway, as you have probably seen. I will always be on your side Love. You don't need to wear a green tie, okay?" "Yeah, I guess. What is the plan for dinner?" "Whatever you want Love."

"Alright Love, if you have any problems at all you just find Severus, okay?" "I'll be fine Mum." "I am sure you will, nonetheless, I worry. I will see you at 3:05, sharp. Stay with other students as much as you can." "I will. Sirius' class will be the worst, but he isn't normally confrontational, so as long as I pay attention he won't do anything." "Like I said, you have my full permission to leave your classroom and seek Severus out. I mean it, P, if anything gets out of hand, I want you to go to him." Phoenix nodded. "Love, try to have some fun okay?" She nodded again before stepping into the floo.

Her earlier classes were calm, Professor Sprout didn't say anything and Professor Flitwick just gave her a wink and a note that said "Keep your chin up." Lunch was okay because Neville saved her a seat at the end. After lunch she had astronomy, which theoretically should be tolerable. She sat in the back of the class with Neville who saved her seat. She didn't go in until it was barely time to start. Class went slowly, but afterwards before she could get out the door Sirius said, "Ms. Potter, please stay behind." Neville looked at her, "I'll be okay, Nev, just go to history. I'll be there soon." She walked up to the desk as her legs shook. "You wanted to see me professor." "Yes, I did. I do not want things to be uncomfortable between us Ms. Potter. It is obvious from your placement in class today that this is the case. Nonetheless, I expect nothing but your best behavior in my class and outside of it in the castle." "Yes sir." "I was doing my job and I did not choose your punishment. However, I will not be lied to by a student. My credibility towards my colleagues requires my utmost discretion in viewing things as objectively as possible, even in your case. If that means you are upset with me then I will have to learn to live with that. I will not question my professional integrity so that you can get away with breaking the rules. Is that clear?" "Yes sir." "Professor Snape learned the other evening that there are lines of professional conduct that cannot be crossed. I will not follow him down the road to unemployment because I lack necessary discretion. I do not know why you continue to lie on these issues. I find it to be quite deplorable honestly. However, should you come clean and accept your punishment, you may find the guilt requiring your placement in the back of my classroom no longer exists." "Yes sir. I'm late for class, is there anything else?" "Not unless you wish to tell me something?" "No sir." "Off you go then." He said handing her a note.

By the time her last class was over, she was ready to go home, but she was run into by Oliver. "Phoenix! Phoenix, wait up." He said chasing after her. "Hey, are you coming to practice this afternoon?" "My mom wants me home. I haven't had the best week." "You didn't have a good one last week, but this is a new one. Besides, you need the support. Everyone on the team is behind you. No pressure, but know that you will have friends on that field." Phoenix nodded. "When you're ready to come back, we will all be there." "Thanks, I'll sit out today, but I'll be back tomorrow. I just don't want to upset my mum." "No, we don't want that. When your mum gets upset, she is scary as hell from what I have gathered." Phoenix smiled. "We'll see you tomorrow then." "Okay." She walked to Severus' office without problem after that. "Hey, you are a few minutes late. Is everything okay?" "Yeah, I ran into Oliver. He just wanted to make sure I knew I could take off whatever time I needed and was welcome back when I was ready." "Well good. Everything else above board?" "Yeah." "Your mum will be worried sick, go ahead and go through." Phoenix went through the floo to find her mother pacing in front of the fire place, "There you are! I was getting nervous. You are ten minutes late." "Sorry, Oliver wanted to talk to me."

"Did everyone else mind their manners?" "Pretty much." "Meaning what?" "Sirius made me stay after class." "What did he say?" "I don't really know. He said something about how he wasn't jeopardizing his career for me like Sev had, but I don't understand what that means. Then he said I would not have to sit in the back if I apologized because I wouldn't feel guilty." Said Phoenix looking down. "That doesn't sound like pretty much at all." "Well, he wasn't terrible. He just wasn't good. I just wish he hadn't spoken to me at all." "He was ordered not to speak to you at all." "Well, it was brief and he didn't hassle me about giving me a note or anything. Professor Flitwick was really nice though." "Was he? Well, than I guess we know where he stands." "Is Sev in trouble?" "No, Love." "Sirius sort of said he was." "He had a disagreement with Professor McGonagall, but he is not in any trouble." "Sirius said he was." "It isn't Sirius' business and quite frankly it isn't yours." Phoenix looked down and blushed.

"Love, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so sharp with you about this. Severus got into it with her and he was sent a letter of formal admonishment for insubordination." "What? When did this happen?" "Thursday night while you were resting. He is perfectly fine. He won't be fired or anything. He just was scolded for being a little over the top. I told him not to go because he was on edge. While I agree with everything he said, I imagine he was a bit hysterical because of how protective of you he is." "I don't want him to be in trouble because of me." "He is not. He is in trouble because he lost his temper. Also, he is in trouble for speaking the truth, which I would rather have him be than speak in lies." "Sirius said that I was a liar." "You are not. He will see that in time." "What if he doesn't?" "Then he doesn't, Lovie. Sometimes we can't change people's minds." "He is my godfather, but he doesn't believe me." "Do you feel uncomfortable with him holding that position because we can discuss that changing, but I think we shouldn't make that decision tonight." "I don't want to do that. I want him to be my godfather, but I want him to believe me." "Well, let's just wait and see how things go. Why don't you get started on your homework?" "Yeah, okay. It shouldn't take me that long. Homework for first year is really easy." "Okay, well if you need any help let me know." Phoenix went upstairs to get started.

Lily was working on paperwork when the floo went off. It was Remus who came through the fireplace. "Hey Rem, what's up?" "I want to know what is going on with Phoenix. Sirius told me she is staying at home because she got in trouble and that she won't come clean about it. I just figured after everything this summer she wouldn't have gone back this way." "Well, she didn't do anything wrong. I am willing to explain it to you, but you have to promise to listen because I am not sure I can deal with having to explain to my eleven year old that another one of her favorite people does not believe her." "I promise, just tell me everything." Lily went through the story and Remus' face looked perplexed, by the time she finished Remus picked up on the exhaustion from Lily. "So you see, now I don't feel comfortable with her there and she is incredibly upset, so I have kept her home. Sirius was terrible to her today at the end of class, so obviously I can't trust him to keep it together. I just don't know how we got this far down the road."

"Poor P, is there anything I can do to help?" "Go convince your best friend that he is being a tool to save his pride about knowing when someone is lying." "I can try. Can I go talk to P for a minute? Maybe I could cheer her up some. Let her know I am still on her side." "That would be great. I would really appreciate it." "I will do my best. You should try to get some rest." "I wouldn't hold my breath." Remus went upstairs to see Phoenix. Knocking on the door, he heard a, "Yeah, come in." "Hey P, it's Remus." He said as he opened the door. He could see how tight her muscles were, she was obviously nervous that he was against her. "I spoke to your mom about what happened." "Yeah" she said quietly. "Sirius is being quite the goober isn't he?" "Yeah" she said her lips gently turning upward. "I'll talk to him, set him straight, don't worry." "I do." "I know you do." "He doesn't believe me." "I know. Can I tell you a story about your dad?" "Yeah."

"Come over to the bed and sit with me." He wrapped his arm around her. "Your dad and you are similar in a lot of ways. One of those is that you believe in people and you want them to believe in you. You value trust above all else. We were in our second year and had been pulling some pranks. We had been caught a couple of times which led to us being threatened that the next time we would be suspended. Well, someone pranked the Slytherins. It made everyone's hair turn into snakes at breakfast. It was not us, but given our track record you could imagine how someone could think it was. Also, we had done so the year previous, so we were not unlikely culprits. Anyway, the head of Slytherin House, Professor Slughorn found us out after hours the night before, which only compounded our problem. We were taken to Headmaster Dumbledore that morning. He decided not to punish us, but sent us to our parents."

"Except for Sirius?" "No, he sent him home as well. It was later that year that your grandparents took him under their care, but that is a good question. So, your grandparents were quite stern with your father, but he held his ground. He said he hadn't done it, which only led to him getting a harsher punishment. They spanked him with a slipper and sent him back to school for a month of grounding, including no broom. Your dad was on the quidditch team, so being without a broom made him subject to wide spread ridicule. He also had a very sore backside. He wouldn't let your grandfather hug him afterwards either because he was so upset that he didn't believe him. Your grandmother used to always make his favorite food and some treats after he got in trouble, but he refused to eat, which only made your grandfather more upset. So, by the time your dad got back to school for his grounding he was on the verge of a complete meltdown. The rest of us were pretty sore ourselves, so we weren't much help attempting to cheer him up.

Professor McGonagall decided to give use a week of detention, but we didn't start for a couple of days after the incident. I am still convinced she was giving our bums some time to recover. We went to detention the first night and she was supervising us while we had to clean out the entire owlery which was disgusting and your dad lost it. He flew off the handle and told her how it wasn't fair and that for once we hadn't done anything and we were being punished. She listened while he threw what could only be described as an epic tantrum. We tried to stop him a couple of times because we were sure it would only lead to him being paddled or even caned. No one could just yell at McGonagall and get away with it. She let him scream until he was crying, which for your dad took a lot. He was a pretty tough kid. It must have been ten minutes of screaming and throwing things before it finally stopped. She then dismissed the rest of us from detention even though we hadn't done any real work.

She took James with her back to her office. We all thought he was done for, but she sat him down and had him drink some tea and have a couple of biscuits before calling your grandparents. They came and your father couldn't look at them. She explained what had happened and that she was worried there might have been an error. Your grandparents were quick to realize their mistake and tried to comfort James, but he wouldn't let them. McGonagall stopped them from trying and sat down next to him and said, "James I know you are upset, but it is only fair to forgive them when they have forgiven you for so many things." He said, "I don't lie. You have caught me before and I never lie. Why could you even think I would?" It was your grandmother who was able to get her arms around him and hold him as she kept apologizing. Your father went home with them that night. We were all sure he had been expelled or at least caned and sent home. He came back the next evening with a new broom, enough sweets for the entire house, and his usual devil-may-care grin. He talked to me about this extensively on multiple occasions. He told me that it took a long time to actually get over it. It hurt him to know that he was not believed by his family and by people he respected.

We got into a lot of trouble, but James was always honest about it. It was one of those things he had to teach Sirius because Sirius' background meant he tried to hide everything. That's why Sirius prides himself on knowing when students are lying. James made it a Marauder's Rule of honesty. If we got caught we took our lumps, that was the rule. One time we did not get caught, but James did not feel it was right because we caused a lot of chaos. Him and Sirius fought about it viciously. It was one thing to confess when you were caught red handed, but to go and turn yourself in was another. James went by himself and only ratted himself out. McGonagall asked him who else was involved and he refused to answer the question. She ended up giving him a biscuit and sending him back. I think she was so impressed he was willing to own up to it and also protect his friends even when threatened with more punishment that she couldn't bear to punish him."

"You said it was bad that I was like my dad a while ago." "Your father wasn't perfect P, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a great man. He went through a phase where he was quite arrogant, but he got over it. He just did not care about the rules a lot, but he always came clean. He valued honesty and trust, much like you do. He would be proud to know how much those matter to you. He would be proud that this upset you, but he would also probably have beat Sirius into bits for not believing you." "You think so?" "Yes, I know so. Don't you worry. I will set this straight." "My mom is really worried. I don't want her to be worried." "Oh Cub, that is not your job. You don't need to worry about her." "Yes, I do. She is my best friend. She worries about me all the time." "That is because you are her little one, it is her job to worry about you, not the other way around." "She is the only family I have left. I have to keep her safe and happy." "Oh Lovie, you have so many more people than just your mum. You have me, Sev, Filius," he paused trying to find people that were not currently causing the child emotional pain, "Albus, Hagrid, Alice, and now your school friends."

"I don't have any school friends. Hermione told me my mum was a tramp and then she said that I wasn't very smart and I only got good grades because I know the professors. Albus thinks I'm bad too." "What about Ron and Neville?" "There okay I guess." "Okay? Hmm, well that isn't very convincing." "I like Neville, but I feel like I am his personal tutor. Ron was talking bad about me before I left. He said that I just get into trouble and lose points." "I bet they were being jealous. My darling girl, you don't just get into trouble. You don't get good grades because of your personal relationships with professors. In fact, the reason you probably get into trouble is your personal relationship with professors. You are a good girl who gets put into demanding situations. If they are your friends, they will come around. You don't know how many fights your dad and I got into when we were young. And some of them were over the stupidest things, who made us get caught, girls, grades, you name it. If they don't then you will make other friends." "No one else likes me." "I am sure that isn't true, but you might have to branch out a little." "Yeah, I guess." He kissed her temple, "Don't worry, when you are at rock bottom the only place to go is up."

Phoenix snuggled into his side, "What if I can't forgive him?" "Sirius?" "Mmhmm." "Well, then that is how it goes, but I think if you are this worries about not being able to forgive him then you probably will." "What if I can never trust him again?" "That is a harder question. It will probably take some time to build up that trust again, but if you love him and you want to trust him then you will. He and I had a major fall out our fifth year over a break in trust. I learned to trust him again. It takes time and patience, but if you love someone eventually it all comes back together." "I'm not so sure." "Give it time my love. Things will look better in the morning." "How do you know" "They always do."

"How come Professor McGonagall was so understanding with my dad? She wasn't at all understanding with me the other night." "That is a complicated question as well." "Is it going to take a mental breakdown for her to believe me?" "I should certainly hope not. I think your punishment was largely affected by their view of you as a leader in the school. Also, though less obviously, by how your father would have reacted to lying. If she doesn't believe you are being honest, then she would have felt your father would be furious at you. Do you see?" "I guess. I just don't know why she doesn't believe me." "I don't as well. Only, that she must be relying on Sirius judgment which was completely wrong in this instance. I will talk to him though and see where he is coming from." He placed a kiss on her temple, "I should let you get on to your homework." "Yeah, I guess. It's mostly done anyway." She said with a shrug. "Well let's get it all the way done, okay?" "Yeah. Thanks for coming to see me."

Remus left her with one more kiss on the head while she sat back down at her desk. By the time he got downstairs he was livid. "I am going to knock his head against a wall. What an idiot! How could he think that our sweet little Phoenix would do these things. She is such a little love. The poor thing is upset because she doesn't know if she will trust him again. She wants to trust him. What did we do to deserve a child that believes in us so much?" "I don't know" said Lily. "I will get him to come to his senses. I promise. McGonagall too, the both of them have turned into complete nutters over this whole thing. Phoenix lie about why she was out of bed. She doesn't need too! She is an insomniac and was obviously upset. If one person had slowed down and let her explain her whole story then this never would have happened." "Remus, I realize the full moon is coming up, but you are being rather protective." "They hurt my cub, Lily!" Lily couldn't help but let out a small laugh despite being utterly miserable otherwise.

Soon Remus was gone, leaving Lily with her thoughts.


	13. Chapter 13

"You are an idiot!" yelled Remus as he flood through to Sirius' quarters.

"And just why may I ask am I an idiot?"

"You don't believe Phoenix." Said Remus indignantly.

"Of course. Lily has sent you." Said Sirius snidely.

"Lily didn't do anything to make me be here. Your goddaughter is all upset that you don't believe her."

"Well, I don't have to believe her when she is wrong. And, she is, by the way. She should not have been out of bed."

"Do you know why she was out of bed?" Asked Remus genuinely.

"No, she has never said. She has everyone dooped. I can tell."

"What if I told you that you were wrong?" questioned Remus.

"You and everyone else; I'd say you can get in line."

"Look Sirius, I'm not kidding, that kid is heartbroken that you don't believe her. She hasn't done anything wrong. She was being bullied and went to go see Severus. He was supposed to be back in the castle by then. Also, she was really in that bathroom when the troll showed up."

"Look, I know what she is telling you, but I know my goddaughter and I know when people are lying. I especially know when she is lying and I am telling you, that kid wasn't trying to go see Severus."

"She isn't lying! I spoke with her."

"No offense, but you aren't the best judger of these types of things. This is really my department." Said Sirius arrogantly.

"Ugh, you are being impossible! Your damn pride about knowing who is lying is getting in the way of the truth. Besides, you say you will know when she is lying, when has that girl ever lied to you? I'll tell you when, never!"

"Look, you can judge all you want, but I know what I am doing. I know my goddaughter and I know my skills in showing when people are lying. It is why the aurors still have me watch interrogations. I can tell these things."

"Sirius, I hate that this has put us on the opposite side of an issue, but I need you to listen."

"I have listened. I've listened to Severus, and Lily, and now you. Quite frankly I am exhausted and tired of being accused. I didn't expect you to be dooped and then to come and accuse me of such absurdities."

"Well, I will continue to accuse you so long as you are wrong."

"I just don't see any reason in us continuing this conversation. Why don't we switch topics so we can remain friends."

"I am sorry, but I can't do that. I find your actions abhorrent. She is eleven years old. You can't act like she has used an unforgiveable." Admonished Remus.

"I am not acting that way. I would, however, appreciate an apology for lying."

"But she hasn't."

"She has Remus and like I said, if you don't want this to turn south, then we should end this conversation while we are still friends." Said Sirius firmly.

"That's it, I'm done with you acting like this!"

"Like what? Like an adult who doesn't give that girl everything she asks for. Severus has turned into her personal yoyo; she pulls him up and down with one finger. I don't have to put up with it. Not only that, but what would James say? James, whose parents required respect and honesty above all else. They were not strict, but they were not push overs either. He would be appalled by the way Phoenix is lying to her mother. That, I can guarantee! I'm not an idiot and I won't be treated like one." Said Sirius finishing in a yell.

"Well I am not either! And, I am using my marauder's prerogative to stop this nonsense."

Sirius immediately looked at him, to claim such a thing, after all these years was heart-wrenching. He looked deeply into Remus' eyes. His own eyes widening as he saw the pain of his friend.

"After all these years, you finally are using it?" Sirius squeaked out.

"Yes, I am. I told you I would only use it if you were being as stupid as you were that night when you sent Severus after me. Tonight is that night."

"She really isn't lying?"

"She really isn't and she is devastated that you don't believe her. Plus, Professor McGonagall played hardball and didn't even rub her back, not the slightest comfort."

"Oh, and the troll, the poor girl was probably scared out of her mind."

"Yes, see, now you get it."

"I can't believe you had to pull that thing out."

"I would do it again, although I already used mine."

"Funny how I wouldn't listen to reason, but all you have to do is claim your prerogative and I immediately jump shift. Merlin, sometimes I am a certifiable arse." Lamented Sirius while shaking his head.

"Did you just learn that today?"

"Haha, very funny. So, what did happen then?"

"She really was going to see Severus. Quirrell was dragging her back to his office when you saw her."

"Yeah, something is up with him. I know I don't work as an auror any more, but I know a scoundrel when I see one. Well, at least most of the time." He said blushing.

"She wants to forgive you. She loves you a whole lot. She wanted you to believe her."

"I asked you what James would think. Well, James would have beaten my head in. What an idiot!"

"I know it doesn't seem fair for me to pull that out after all these years."

"No, I'm glad you did. You earned it all those years ago. I'm just glad you used it before I did something really dumb. I am an absolute tool sometimes, but I do love her and I want her to have a happy, normal childhood, as normal as possible anyway."

"I know you do and so does she."

"Meanwhile, Severus is out there getting in fights with Minerva without a care in the world. Who would have thought?"

"No one could have predicted that he would become quite the fighter."

"I should probably go over to see Phoenix and see if I can't start mending fences."

"Fair enough."

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for doing that. Kicking my arse in one sentence is really something, but I really do appreciate it."

"I will kick your arse anytime Padfoot." Sirius smiled back at him before heading to the Floo.

Sirius stepped through the floo, half expecting to be punched in the face upon landing. Lily just looked at him intently, he got the feeling that she might reach forward and grab his ear before hauling him to the corner. He looked down sheepishly.

"Do you have something you would like to say?" asked Lily in a maternal tone.

Suddenly his stomach did flip-flops. He did not know why he suddenly felt like he was twelve and in Mr. Potter's study. "I'm sorry. I messed up. I thought I had it right, but I didn't. I'm really sorry Lily. Please let me see her; I need to speak with her."

"Phoenix is finishing up her homework. She has already had a lot on her plate tonight. And, if she speaks with you first, she will be exhausted and I will have to immediately put her into bed. You can stay down here until she comes down and says that she is done."

"Yeah, that sounds fair. Severus won't beat me up will he?"

"I won't let him assault you, but mind your manners." She said with a smirk.

She walked back into her living room with Sirius following closely behind. She noticed he was hiding behind her slightly, as if nervous about Severus' reaction. Severus merely looked up from his book momentarily before taking a sip of tea and returning to his reading.

Sirius awkwardly sat down, taking glances at Severus every so often. Finally Severus said, 'Would you like some tea?" "Um, no I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

Lily came back into the conversation, "How are you doing Sirius? Any women news?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. No, there is no women news. Everyone keeps asking, but we haven't made any decisions yet as to what we will do."

"I think we are all just excited because it would make your mother roll over in her grave."

"That's not untrue. But as usual, I can't seem to seal the deal."

"Is there something preventing it?"

"I just don't know if we will be good for each other long-term. We used to not get along and then something changed. So, how do I know that things will be good for moving forward? I am probably just a committement phobe who doesn't want to grow up. I don't know."

"I think it shows that you are a grown up, not running into something. But you can't expect her to wait around for forever."

"I know. I feel bad, but I'm not sure if I love her that way. It's complicated, but I need to make up my mind because it isn't fair to her. I'm not sure that I am good enough for her long term. She finds me charming, but I don't know if it will last."

"I am sure you are good enough. But it has to feel right. I mean I got engaged after a date, so it has to feel good."

"I know, but you knew him for forever. I mean, I knew of her, but we weren't close."

"It is completely your call Sirius, but I don't want you to miss an opportunity due to unfounded insecurities."

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"You apologized right? And, besides, my daughter will do enough in the guilt trip department. If you are here that means that Remus has already gotten to you, so you've probably had enough." Said Lily.

"And, if I start telling you off, I might bash your head against the wall." Replied Severus from behind his smirk.

"I suppose that is," Sirius paused searching for the right word, "comforting?"

"That is precisely the wrong word, but I suppose I could put off bashing your head in, but if Phoenix is upset after talking with you I may change my mind." Severus drawled.

"I'll keep that in mind." Said Sirius.

"And, update your internal thesaurus." Said Severus.

"Sev, let's not get an argument started. It will upset Phoenix." Said Lily.

"What will upset me?" asked Phoenix coming around the corner.

Her eyes locked with Sirius and an unconscious "Oh" came out of her mouth. She bit her bottom lip as she placed her hands in her pockets.

"I was hoping we could talk." Said Sirius.

"Yeah." Said Phoenix.

"By ourselves?" Said Sirius.

"Alright," Phoenix muttered and turned back to the stairs. Sirius followed quickly behind.

Phoenix went over and sat in her desk chair. Sirius noticed that this meant there would be some distance between them. He sat on the bed looking at her.

"I wanted to start by apologizing. I obviously misread the situation." He started hoping that it would open her up a little.

"Yeah."

"Phoenix I don't know what to say. I made a huge mistake and I know it hurt you."

"That's not what's important. You didn't believe me!"

"I know and I can't make up for it."

"My mom was heartbroken for days. She didn't know what to do. I haven't been myself. She almost got in a fight with Mrs. Longbottom. You hurt her!"

"Phoenix, I think we need to get you focused on how I hurt you."

"You hurt me because you hurt her. I don't want to disappoint her. I don't want to hurt her and I couldn't stop myself."  
"I know you didn't disappoint her Phoenix." He said choking on his words.

"I could see the pain in her eyes. I couldn't stop it because I couldn't make myself happy because I was heartbroken. You weren't on my side."

"I read the situation wrong." Said Sirius

"You wouldn't let me come home! Even though I was crying, devastated, and shaking."  
"I know." Said Sirius.

"You didn't trust me and you should have." She said as a defiant tear fell from her eye.

"I know. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You hurt my mom."

"I know."

"You apologized to her?"

"Yeah."

"She accepted?"

"On the grounds that I had already gotten an earful from Remus and I would get one from you."

Phoenix wrinkled her nose at him, "Remus had to intervene?"

"Yeah, he did. I know it does not look good for me, but I am glad that he came."

"I guess I am too, but I think you would have learned eventually. Who knows the list of things I would have had you apologize for? I wish you would have come to your senses on your own."

"In hindsight, me too, but sometimes friends make us wakeup to things that are the most important. They show us when we are wrong."

"I don't have any friends, not like that."

"I think they'll come around. You are young and it takes time to develop these things."

"It's going to take time to trust you again."

"I know, but I will make the most of the opportunity."  
"It would help if you would talk to Professor Mcgonagall." Hinted Phoenix

"Blackmail?" He said with a smirk, "I will speak with her though. I can't make any promises though, she is her own person."

"I appreciate it. She thinks I am bad."

"I don't think that she thinks you are bad. She tinks you are getting away with too much because we have all gone soft, well not me, but she may think that now."

"She is basing her opinion on yours, so now that you have changed your mind, she will automatically change hers, right?"

"Well, hopefully, but people are not that simple. We get attached to ideas which means we have to be shown a lot more to be proven wrong. We can be convinced of something with less evidence then it takes to change our mind."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Which is how I got myself stuck in this situation because I believed something based on little evidence and it took a lot to overcome."

"Well, thanks for trying."  
"Are we okay P?"

"I want us to be."

"But we're not?" He questioned.

"I don't know. I just am not sure if I can trust you."

"That's fair. I understand that it will take time to make up for my mistakes."

"I don't want you to feel like I am holding a grudge. I'm not."

"I know Love. I know you aren't and I know how much it hurt you. I know it will take time to heal up. But it is getting late, so I think I should let you get some dinner."

"Are you going to stay?"  
"I think it is best for me to go for now Pup. We cannot solve everything in one night and Severus is about at the end of his rope with me anyway."

"Its good, someone needs to push his buttons."

Sirius chuckled.

"And, he can't punish you for doing it."

"Well, he can, it just usually comes in the form of a hex."  
"There are shields for that though."

"I suppose there are Pup, but Severus is pretty fast, so I need to be careful." He said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I guess so. He can be pretty sneaky."

"Yeah, but he sure cares about you a lot Pup."


End file.
